Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Business – Change in the balance

what would you like to change? Marriage, relationships, dating, love, work, life, balance

CHANGE. For the world, for the people, for the better.

Are you ready to change?

Have you ever wanted something big, like a promotion or a new career or a husband or a baby, and let something, or many things, stop you from getting it? Have you been ready for your office, your home, your car, your wardrobe, your neighborhood, your income, your relationships, your life to be different – but not been ready for you to change?

This is about your identity; the way you think, feel and see yourself, and by extension, the way others see you. And it’s scary to think about that being different than the way it’s always been. To think about you being different than you’ve always been.

If you’re not meeting your right match in the time you think it ought to have taken, are you wondering what’s wrong with you, or with all the men on the planet?

And in order to meet that right match, have you been trained to ask, “Who do I have to become in order to attract the partner I desire?” My friend, if you’re anything like I was, you probably get pissed off at the thought that you have to change anything at all, and quit dating just to ‘show’ them. (yeah, well, spoiler alert – quitting dating doesn’t get you married any faster)

When you’re ready, here are some questions you ought to be asking – 

  • Who am I now?
  • What do I think about my life?
  • How do I feel most of the time?
  • How do I show up?

Are you willing to do the work?

This isn’t easy. It’s confronting and will make you feel vulnerable and uncomfortable and is the best thing you’ll ever do for yourself. Once you’ve done the work of facing yourself as you are now and choosing who and how you want to be going forward and are willing to feel all the feels between here and there, you’ll be able to have, do and be anything in life. Anything.

But the doing will look and feel ugly. All the sharp edges you’ve worked so hard to cover over will need to be seen and felt, honed and polished. All the highs will feel totally untethered; all the lows will feel like you’re tethered to the lowest ground. Part of the work will be for you to find your balance between these two extremes and you need to know now that during the process of finding your balance you will over-correct, sometimes too weak, sometimes overly strong – 

Keep going, you will find your sweet spot of change!

When you’re ready, here are some more questions you ought to be asking – 

  • Who will I be if I’m not who I’ve always been?
  • Who do I want to be?
  • How do I want to show up?
  • What do I want to think about my life?
  • How do I want to feel most of the time?

This is the work. Doing it will change everything.

Are you able to invest in yourself?

Our priorities are not simply what we think or say they are, our priorities are what we invest our time and money in.

If you say you want to be married and you’re not, but don’t have time to date – and you consistently agree to work late or continually make yourself available to care for the needs of your friends and relatives – then marriage is not a priority.

If you say you want to be married and you’re not, but don’t figure out how to meet and make real connections with the kinds of men you might actually marry, if you will only take free advice from books, the internet or friends – then marriage is not a priority.

This is your life. Your priorities are up to you.

#datingandrelationships #midlifemarriage #datingat50 #marriedat50 #marriedat40 #midlifedating #onlinedating  #havemorelove

Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Business – to Thine Own Self Be True

Relationships, Love, Knowing Yourself, What You Really Want vs. What You think you want


To thine own self be true.

This is how you know yourself.

A few years ago I was about to cut across a parking lot to save myself a few steps, when I looked down and saw the ground was splattered with oil stains. I mean, for the first time in my life I really saw what I’d been walking on. In that moment I decided I was worth more. 

Enriched romantic relationships involve caring for each partner with respect and treating each other with dignity and the only relationship you’re guaranteed to be in ‘til death do you part is the one you have with yourself. 

I’m inviting you to think deeply about what caring for yourself really means, and to question the choices you’ve always made – especially the ones you’ve made for the sake of convenience. Self care is more than convenience and treating yourself with dignity and respect has a more long-lasting effect than the few seconds you may save. And if you’re looking for a partner who will treat you with dignity and respect, start that process now and be your own best partner!

In that parking lot I decided that going forward I’d always choose a dedicated walkway, for cleanliness and safety. I’ve applied this philosophy of respect vs. convenience to other values too, like choosing to buy whole fruit and cut it up myself rather than buy it pre-cut in plastic containers. The peace I feel in being actively aligned with my values is so much greater than any feeling I ever got from something being convenient.

When you start treating yourself every single day the way you want to be treated every single day that is going to truly enrich your life!

This is how you trust yourself.

One day last year I was leaving my neighborhood grocery store. There’s a little patch of grass at the curb and not only do I prefer to walk on a sidewalk than the parking lot, I would always rather walk on grass than pavement. I paused on this little patch of beautiful green grass and thought to myself, “I am so grateful to have a market I can walk to, and the ability to buy groceries.” And then it occurred to me that I was as happy in that moment as I could possibly ever be. Even if I were leaving the grocery store in Paris (living in Paris is a life dream/goal) and even if I were in a relationship with a wonderful man, I couldn’t be any happier than I was then.

I stepped off the grass and saw something on the sidewalk that looked like crumpled up money. I looked up and down the sidewalk and there was nobody there. I thought at first I’d found a dollar on the street and when I picked it up I saw that it was actually a twenty dollar bill.

If you think I was happy because I found $20 on the street please go back and read this again. I was already happy. I was already affirming to myself that I was happy. I was living fully in gratitude and affluence and I was practicing my own form of self care by walking across the grass and the sidewalk rather than the oily parking lot to save a few steps.

You know it doesn’t feel good when someone tells you he’ll do something and then doesn’t. Neither does it feel good when someone does something once and never again. Be the partner you seek. Enrich your own loving relationship with yourself. You learn to trust yourself by showing up for yourself over and over … and over again.

This is how you show up for yourself.

By the way, that was actually the second time I found $20. It happened again a third time, and I’m sure it will happen again. For a long time I had an affirmation; the universe is paving my path with twenty dollar bills!  

I don’t believe that I’m just lucky, I believe it’s because I am getting better and better at being consistent and honoring myself by showing up. You see, I found that third $20 lying on the sidewalk. I found it because I chose the safety and cleanliness of the sidewalk rather than cutting across the parking lot. I honored myself and saw the response.

There are a lot of good things in your life right now. Do you see them? Are you appreciating them and loving the life you have, or are you waiting for your life to look a certain way in order to be happy? If you believe there’s only one way for you to be happy, and it involves a certain man and a relationship with a certain label, you can make a different choice. 

You can have the enriched loving relationship you desire at any time, in any place. You can be happy now!

Consistently giving myself what I know feeds me in a truly nourishing way, being open, being available, being grateful, feeling affluent and abundant allows me to see what is true about my life right now, to feel happy always and enables me to see what is literally being dropped in front of me.

This is your life. The way it looks is up to you.

#havemorelove #havefundating #singleandspiritual #lovedating #lovemakeovers

#datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating

Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Business – 3 ways to create the right balance

Are you afraid you're doing something wrong because you don't have the life you want yet? Love, marriage, relationships, dating, trying new things

Do you feel like you’re doing it all wrong because you don’t have the life you want?

Celebrate all the steps on the way to the big goal.

There are a lot of people who only celebrate birthdays that end in a zero. And perhaps doing something that infrequently makes one inclined to think it has to go exactly to plan or else it doesn’t count.

For my 50th birthday there was a group of people who I cared about who cared about me, and food and laughter and a cake with candles and lots of good wishes! 

But for a long time whenever I thought of that evening, all I remembered was how it didn’t go according to plan. I thought about the man I’d met 6 weeks earlier who, when I said I was thinking of taking a trip for my birthday, asked me to please stay in town. Who said if I was here we would definitely celebrate my birthday together! He texted me at 3 minutes to midnight to say, “I want to be the last person to wish you a happy birthday.” 

I’d looked forward to that milestone with a specific expectation and when it didn’t happen I ruined the memory of it for myself.

I’m not waiting for 10 years to pass before celebrating again. I’ve planned a party for each of my birthdays since, and my guest list is filled exclusively with people who mean the most to me, not people who I hope I mean something important to. And every year there are more and more people!

Measure your transformation, not by what happens on one particular day, but by what is happening in thought every day. When I am presented with a challenge that looks familiar and I create a different result than I ever have before, that’s a win worth celebrating. 

Celebrating completing small goals moves you toward achieving your big goal. You think you’ll celebrate when you get there, but I can promise you that won’t happen. You might not even realize you’re there, or you may decide it’s not really a big deal at all and just set another, bigger, goal. 

Celebrate you and all your accomplishments!

Surround yourself with whatever you find beautiful.

As you can see, I love to be around flowers. I think they’re all beautiful in their own unique ways – just like people! And seeing them makes me happy!

What do you find beautiful?

Take a good look around you right now and really see what you are surrounded by. Is there beauty in your sight-lines every day? It doesn’t have to be extravagant or expensive or one of a kind. It might be a flower in someone’s garden or a laughing baby, or two neighbors talking and smiling at each other.

There are enough things in the world that we encounter every day that are hard and rough and ugly and after a while it might seem like that’s all there is. And when your life is skewed all the way to one side that’s when you are out of balance. 

There are some people in the world whose lives are skewed all the way to the ugly side. They are out of balance, they feel terrible and so they can be quick to tell you you’re wrong to want beauty, love and joy. They may say you’re weak or not serious enough or wasting your time focusing on the wrong things. 

Life is not supposed to be ugly or hard and you don’t have to suffer to prove you’re worthy of … anything. Must you do hard things sometimes? Yes, although there is a world of difference between doing hard things and life being hard. You are here because you’re already worthy.

It’s not weak or lightweight to have beauty in your life, it’s the affirmation of life!

Have, feel and express gratitude.

Possibly the #bestgiftever

I live where the earth moves, so keep a flashlight and shoes under my bed.

I ignored it for years, and the batteries corroded and leaked and now it’s impossible to open it.  (Lesson learned – replace batteries every time you change the clocks.)

December 15th –

   He: I know we’re not exchanging gifts, but I’d like to get you a new Maglite.

   Me: Yes, thank you!

December 24th –

   He: I know you like purple, so I searched until I found one. And then, when I opened the package to put in  the batteries I scratched the plastic lens, so I replaced it with a glass one.

Would you be grateful to receive a flashlight from a man? 

Or do you think that a flashlight is a terrible gift and a man who gave you one doesn’t care about your wants and desires or just isn’t ‘romantic’ enough for you?

Moral of the story:

A flashlight is an expression of wanting to provide protection and safety.

A purple flashlight with batteries and an upgraded lens is an expression of taking into account my preferences and showing attention to detail and excellence and willingness to go the extra mile.

For all of those things I am extremely grateful!

How are people expressing love in ways you may not have recognized as such?

How have you expressed love in ways others didn’t recognize?

This is your life. Balancing it is up to you.

#havemorelove #havefundating #singleandspiritual #lovedating #lovemakeovers

#datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating

Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Business – Do I Want To Be Single Forever?

Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Being Single, Staying Single, Dating After 39


You know the answers to all your own questions. But do you want to?

The thing about asking a hard question is, sometimes you need to give yourself a hard answer. And if you’re not willing to do that, nothing will ever change.

In my twenties I wanted to be married and have a family and a house in the suburbs and a husband who took the train to work in the city every day. 

In my thirties I wanted to be married and have a husband who had a career that took us to exotic locales all over the world and I would have an amazing career helping other expats acclimate to their new surroundings.

It was sometime in my forties after a breakup that felt achingly familiar that I finally admitted to myself I might not ever be married because I wasn’t dating men who I actually wanted to be married to. 

I was dating men who looked good – on paper, in pictures, in suits. But I wasn’t dating men who felt good – in my heart, in my soul, in my vision for my life.

If I said I wanted to be married then why was I dating men I didn’t want to marry? In hindsight I could look around my entire life and see where I said I wanted things and was consistently taking actions that led me away from those things, not toward them. But if you’d pointed that out to me at the time I would have told you that I get to like what I like and choose whomever I choose, which is true, although at times not at all useful. 

How many times have you said you get to like what you like and choose who you like?

If you say you want to be married, why are you dating men you don’t want to be married to? There’s safety in being able to continue life as you know it. I got to live where I wanted, have the friends that I wanted, stay up watching TV all night if I wanted and shop every night after work because nobody was waiting for me to come home for dinner. None of that sounds like a worthy tradeoff – what’s the real deal?

I got to be right about the negative beliefs I’d had about men for so long. 

And I got to hold tight to the negative feelings I had for myself.

I didn’t have to change.

Just be willing to be willing to try something new.

Choosing to date men based on one or two characteristics that are not important is something I see women do all the time. It’s a hard habit to break, and yet if you don’t, nothing will change.

Be honest – are you in the habit of dismissing your list of important qualities for the sake of dark hair, tight abs or a megawatt smile? Qualities you see aren’t really qualities, they’re attributes – and attributes are more for the sake of people outside the relationship. They look good, but ultimately they don’t impact your day-to-day living. 

Here’s how I broke that habit. I became the woman who gets what she wants rather than defaulting to what she’s always had. I learned and accepted a new truth about men. Many men are exceptional and I decided to only seek out those who were. And the ultimate act of rebellion – I traded my negative self-belief for the glorious luxury of self-love and self-acceptance.

I decided to stop wasting time with men who didn’t want what I wanted, no matter their height or their hair color. When you master the art of spotting the green flags as well as the red, from the very beginning of the dating experience, you’ll begin to attract men you will want to marry – and who will want to marry you. And then dating becomes so much easier and a lot more fun!

So … Do you want to be single forever?

If you do that’s okay.

But if you really are committed to engaging in the enriched romantic relationship that until now you’ve only dreamt of, and if you want to be married, here are some things I can show you how to do that will change the rest of your life for the better.

Manage your thoughts. Developing beautiful, peaceful, uplifting beliefs about yourself and men is like sinking into a bathtub full of silky bubbles and water that is juuuust the right temperature! Pause for a moment and feel that. Don’t you want that experience more than you want to hold onto your negative self-talk?

Manage your emotions. Being cherished in the long run is more important and longer lasting than the temporary relief you’ll feel from choosing a man who looks good for now but doesn’t feel good for life.

Hold yourself lovingly. When you feel fear because you’re entering foreign territory you can offer yourself the same compassion you’d give to a timid child. Because in that moment, that’s what you are. That’s the reason you haven’t been able to create this on your own and it’s okay. That’s what I’m here for.

This is your life. The way you love in it is up to you.

Will I Be Single Forever?

being single not separate or alone

You know the answers to all your own questions. 

It’s the first week of July in 2021; let’s get to the heart of the matter. 

Your heart.

We are now officially halfway through the year and it’s time for you to revisit the commitment you made to yourself 6 months ago. You might have said you want to be married or in a committed relationship. You for sure said you wanted more work/life balance, and as I’ve assured you, work is part of life, not a separate entity. 

In order to achieve balance in life you need to embrace your personal as well as your business sides equally, not pit them against each other. Meaning, you can’t place your qualities on a scale and pick away at the things you don’t like until each side weighs exactly the same as the other. That’s diet mentality and it doesn’t work for your life any more than for your body because it doesn’t engage you to embrace the essence of who you are, it only keeps you focusing on what you think is wrong rather than loving what’s gloriously right!

Embracing all your facets means accepting who you are as you are, not waiting until something you don’t like changes in order to feel acceptable. And it for sure means first deciding for yourself what is valuable and worthwhile.

As long as you continue to value business over pleasure, work over play, and other people’s definitions of success over your own desire to be in a loving, monogamous, enriched romantic relationship, nothing will change.

You will continue to feel unbalanced – separated from your true, singular, spiritual self – in other words, you’ll feel single.

Are you willing to do for yourself what you want a man to do for you?

Ah, but here’s the rub; the thing that might be holding you back is, in order to embrace putting yourself first you need to embrace all of your facets. All of you. Even the parts you aren’t crazy about. Especially those parts.

How many times have you said you want a man to love you for who you are and then declared the large size of your thighs or the small size of your bank account to be absolutely unacceptable?

How many times have you wished for a man to tell you he loves you and cherishes you just as you are and then berated yourself for making a mistake and declared yourself unworthy of being loved?

How many times have you sought a man who wants to spend the rest of his life with you and then couldn’t bear to sit with your own thoughts and either dove head-first into a gallon of ice cream, poured yourself a large glass of cabernet or ran out to buy something to take your mind off your mind?

But how can you possibly embrace things about yourself that you just don’t like? Learning how is your work. This is that place you’ve heard other people say they don’t want to go, although if you’ve read this far, you’re not like other people.

If you want to feel cherished by your life partner, you’ll need to start that ball rolling on your own. Self-love, self-compassion, self-respect – pretty much every phrase that starts with self – is what you need to learn to cherish yourself, for yourself, with yourself. This is what will open the door to finding the partner you seek, a man who will cherish these things alongside you, not instead of you.

Have you looked in a mirror lately?

And if so, what did you see?

Did the woman looking back appear happy? Well-taken care of? Hopeful? At ease? If not and you want to be, here’s something you can do. 

Honor yourself by taking action. Whatever it is that you said back in January you would do, if you haven’t done it yet it’s officially time. If all you make is excuses, the only difference between this year and last will be the number of times you wore slacks with a zipper rather than yoga pants.

Choose your personal relationships over your work. Do it already. The thing you haven’t done because it scares you – post a profile online, tell that woman at church you think her brother is attractive and ask if he’s unattached, strike up a conversation with the man you keep bumping into in the produce department.

Because it’s not just about saying you want something, or even writing it down; you’ve got to take action to activate your result. 

You know that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. Well, here’s my definition of staying single in a way you don’t want to be – always choosing work over play, business conversations over social interactions, waiting for someone else to embrace you rather than embracing yourself in all your essences and thinking thoughts that make you feel separate and alone.

This is your life. The way you live it is up to you.

Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Business and the 3 secrets to excelling at work/life balance: #3

The only way to reach your goal, secret of reaching your goal, goals vs. intentions

Secret #3 –

In order to reach your goal,

you need to stop pursuing your intention.

Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Business – Your aim must be true.

What are your intentions? 

That’s the old-school question most often associated with dating, relationships and marriage. But the real question you have to ask yourself now is, is my intention to not risk feeling a painful feeling getting in the way of having the romantic relationship I desire?

Aren’t we supposed to set intentions for interactions? Yes, although… Sometimes, when it comes to wanting to avoid things, especially when those things involve our feelings, we don’t realize our intention is working at cross-purposes with our desire.

Say you’re someone who wants very much to be in a committed relationship, and perhaps be married one day. What qualities do you seek in a partner? Respect, compassion, generosity, ambition, fairness, the ability to get along with your family and friends and treat you well would all be great!

Yet when you meet a man who seems to personify at least a few of those gems you decide he’s “too nice” or “boring” or simply, “I don’t know, he’s just not for me.”

Perhaps it’s because the last time you went all in with a man who actually had all those qualities – a man you saw as your right match, who you were dreaming about having a future with – he broke your heart.

If you’ve ever said, I don’t want to have my heart broken like that again, that’s your intention! You may have a desire to be married, but if you are not connecting with men who are truly marriage material, you have been pursuing your intention rather than your desire.

Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Business – Feel your feelings.

Have you ever said the words, “I don’t ever want to have my heart broken again?”

And have you had fulfilling relationships (or fun dates) with men who could actually, for real, be your “one?”

If you answered yes to the first question you probably answered no to the second. Hmmmm, how’d she know that?

Because attaining, obtaining or acquiring anything of any importance or value involves risk. It’s called having skin in the game, which in business usually means money. In relationships it means feelings.

All of us want what we want because of how we think we’ll feel when we have it. You may have looked to the future and dreamt about feeling loved, desired, cherished and supported. Those are the feelings you think you’ll feel when you’ve reached your happily ever after, but the skin you’ll have to have in this game is the risk of feeling sad, mad, frustrated or even rejected while you’re in motion.

Here’s how I weigh a risk involving my feelings – if I have to risk feeling sad for a short while in order to be cherished for the rest of my life, I’m in!

How about you?

Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Business – Be onto yourself!

So, what’s really stopping you from having the enriched romantic relationship, the life-partner, marriage and family, that you really, really want?

Is it true that there aren’t any good men out there, or that the men your age only want younger women, or don’t want commitments?

Perhaps the truth is that you’ve been standing in your own way in order to protect your heart from being broken. That makes so much sense, and yet it can’t help you get from where you are now to where you want to be.

If you are really going to have the relationship that up until now you’ve only dreamt of, you are going to have to do some things for its benefit that you might not want to do. They’re not illegal or immoral, they just might not be enjoyable – but only for a little while. Think of this as the compromise that comes in all relationships, but instead of compromising with your partner about who takes out the garbage, you’re going to compromise with yourself about feeling all your feelings.

Be willing to make a different choice.

Be willing to take a different action.

Be willing to feel any feeling.

It’s the only way to create a different outcome. 

And if you’re single and want to be married, a different outcome is the goal, if not the intention.

Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Business and the 3 secrets to excelling at work/life balance No. 1

Dating, relationships, marriage, changing, risks

Secret #2 – You’ll know you’re doing it right if it feels wrong.

Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Business – Embrace the truth.

You know that if you want to have something different you need to do something different, so … if you want to enjoy more personal relationships in your life you’ll have to make some changes.

Change is uncomfortable. So if you do something different you will feel discomfort. Not because there’s something wrong, simply because it’s something new.

Doing something different causes discomfort and anything new is different, period. That’s the reason you’re not married – yet. Really. It’s not because your work is more important than your personal life or you’re the only one who can get it done, or there aren’t any good men out there or all men are commitment-phobes, or if it were going to happen it would have by now, or you’re unworthy. 

It’s just because people don’t like to feel discomfort – you don’t like to feel discomfort – so in each moment when you are called upon to choose between a date and a business “emergency” you fall back on your default rather than falling forward into romantic fulfillment.

You are going to have to say no when you’re used to saying yes. Saying, I’m sorry, I can’t deliver that tomorrow morning, I can deliver it tomorrow by the end of the day. How do you possibly say that to someone? By reminding yourself of your why. Why? Because I want to have a personal relationship as much as I want to have a career. And in order to serve my desire, I only work during work hours and I socialize during after work hours.

Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Business – Embrace the discomfort.

Been on a rollercoaster lately? I mean an actual roller coaster. It’s rare that you’ll ever find me on one because I don’t like the feeling of my stomach clenching and churning and my heart trying to escape through my chest on its way to my throat – and yet feeling those feelings is exactly the reason some people love to ride them!  

Think about starting a big new business project that has the potential to garner you positive exposure and a big, fat bonus. Chances are 99.999% that it will also come with stakeholders with a plethora of opinions who’ll be more than happy to tell you how you ought to be doing it. Do you feel excitement or fear? Elation or dread? Will you do it anyway?

If you’re reading this the answer is probably yes. When it comes to the pursuit of success in business you are much more likely to feel excitement or elation and also much more likely to be willing to risk feeling fear or dread. For some reason, though, when it comes to romantic relationships you’ll do whatever it takes not to feel those feels. You’ll even say yes to working late when you’re got a date. Especially with someone to whom you’re attracted.

Success skills are transferable and if you want to create an enriched romantic relationship – if you want to be married – you are going to have to transfer some of your risk-tolerance from business to the personal side of your life. You are going to have to allow yourself to feel discomfort.

Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Business – Embrace your new love!

There’s a benefit to you staying single, something you value, something you gain. Because if there wasn’t something in it you’d be out. If you want to be single, be single and revel in it! But if you want to be married, you need to know that what seems like a benefit is really just a story keeping you stuck in the endless loop of doing the same thing over and over while saying you want a different result.

You need to figure it out right now for two reasons. The first is that you need to see you’re not weak, you actually are creating an outcome that feeds you. The second is, in order to know what to change to create what you want you need to know what it is that’s keeping you from it. Makes sense, right?

This work isn’t easy, it’s imperative. But only if you want a higher-quality interaction with your partner from the start than many couples have in a lifetime. 

Learning what motivates you while you’re still single, finding out how you make decisions and why and what’s truly important to you now, is going to put you so far ahead when you’re in that romantic partnership you will cut out 90% of the growing pains. That’s the drama many couples experience when they’re each trying to adjust to being together after having been separate for so long. 

You get to be in your relationship on your terms. Why not do whatever you can to make them benefit both of you?

Stay tuned … Secret #3 is coming up!

Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Business and the 3 secrets to excelling at work/life balance

marriage, relationships, work life balance, choices, results, outcomes, intentions

Secret #1 – Work and life are not two separate things.

Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Business – All together how?

Does it feel like your life is a constant struggle to find equity, evenness … balance? Work is part of life and perhaps part of the reason you feel out of balance is because you think your non-work life is your time and work is outside of that, something outside your life that you’re trying to manage so you can get back to your time, your life.

Think of yourself as having one grand life, within which you get to have a plethora of different activities – some social, some business. You get to choose how much time you apportion to each activity – although I know it doesn’t feel like it.

If you want to create outcomes that you haven’t yet, maybe it’s because you keep apportioning your time in the same way that you always have. Here’s an example:

You met a man and he’s ah-may-zing! Well, at least you think he is so far; his picture is quite attractive, and reading his profile makes your heart sing!

You message, you txt, you talk, you’re all set to meet for dinner after work tonight and – wouldn’t you know it? A client calls just as you’re turning out the light to say they absolutely, positively need a proposal on their desk by 9am tomorrow. 

Or maybe for you it looks like your boss coming into your office just as you’re shutting down your computer to say that the entire quarterly earnings forecast absolutely, positively must be revised. Although the meeting’s not for two days, she’d really like to have it tomorrow so she can review it before the meeting.

Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Business – Who’s got the time?

Whether you’re in the driver’s seat of your own company or the C-Suite of somebody else’s, the “absolutely, positivelies” are exactly the same. And the question isn’t what do you do, my question for you is, how often have you done it? How often have you chosen working late over a date?

We don’t simply find the time for anything, if there’s something we really, really want we must make the time for it. And that means that if you want more social in your life you need to make different choices than you ever have before about your time.

No conversation about decisions and time would be truly complete without understanding the difference between values, priorities, goals and intentions.

There may be things in this world that you think are important, but unless you’re investing either your time or your money in them they are not priorities. 

You may value family, but if you keep choosing work over dating – a first step in creating a relationship – it’s not truly a priority.

Creating your own family by getting married may be your desired goal but if you keep choosing to date men who are in some way unavailable for commitment you are satisfying an unconscious intention and not actively pursuing your goal.

Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Business – What’s the answer?

If you want to make a change in your relationship status you will need to make different choices and follow them up with different actions, or else it’s all just an exercise in futility. The good news is, you know how to do that; it’s part of the way you got to where you are in your career. You make more choices and take more actions before breakfast than most people do all day.

It’s time to ask yourself some useful questions, and hold yourself accountable for getting to the real answers. This is the time to dig deep, be honest, and show yourself the same kind of compassion you’d extend to a dear friend who asked for your help. Be kind and firm and don’t give up until you figure out what is holding you back.

Here are some questions to get you started:

  • How happy am I right now?
  • Where do I see myself in 5 years?
  • Do I see myself there single or married?
  • If I can only envision myself single, how come?
  • Do I really want to be married?
  • If yes, how come?
  • If no, how come?

You know how much time and money you save by engaging professional guidance to benefit your business. Professionals are also available to help you create the results you want in the social part of your life. 

Shhhhh … Secret #2 is coming up!

Lena Ehrenberg is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping female career professionals who have never been married learn how to make time for the romance they want without giving up the work they love. She can be found on a variety of social media platforms @havemorelove.