Romantic Relationship and Finding Yourself

 

I see you hiding back there, even though you thought I wouldn’t see you, didn’t you? And if I didn’t see you, you wouldn’t have to do the work on yourself, right?

Just like when I’d try to hide in the back of the crowd during gym class hoping I wouldn’t have to climb a rope or walk a beam or jump over a pommel horse. The only problem is, if I only heard about it, or watched others do it, I’d never learn to do it myself.

For a long while I was the exact same way about dating. I kept watching others do it thinking that would help me, while I wasn’t doing very much of it myself, but there were a whole bunch of things I was doing…

Taking classes, reading books, listening to podcasts and attending workshops will take you just so far. They can teach you things, but in order to actually learn something you need to practice it. To have the thing you want you have to actually do the thing you want.

If you’re wondering why you’re not in a relationship even though you want to be, you really need to look at all the ways you are benefiting by being alone. I can think of one thing…

What’s amazing about being in a romantic relationship is that you’re forced to grow. What’s scary as sh*t about being in a romantic relationship is that you’re forced to grow!

There’s no way around it – if you want an enriched romantic relationship with the partner who’s your rightest match you’re going to have to grow yourself through it. It’s easier said than done. That’s why I stayed alone and apart for so long – I wasn’t ready for that level of intimacy with anybody, least of all myself.

If you’re like I was, really ready to meet your rightest match and yet not taking the actions you know you need to take, you might really need a coach to help you move from where you are now to where you want to be.

Get yourself on my calendar. Find out what’s holding you back and I promise you’ll find yourself in the process.

 

#havemorelove #havefundating #lovedating #singleandspiritual #lovemakeovers #datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating

 

Romantic Relationships and Holding Onto You

Romantic Relationships - Holding Onto You
Romantic Relationships -Holding Onto You

I could have sworn I used to be in here somewhere, where did I go?

The other day I talked about how I used to lose myself in relationships, and then stop even trying to date. Losing myself sounds so passive, it sounds like something that just happened one day when I wasn’t looking (like all the times in my life those same 10 pounds just snuck back onto my hips). But maybe I didn’t just lose myself in the relationship, maybe I gave myself up for it. And maybe you’ve done that too.

Being willing to do the work meant starting with ME. I needed to look at myself fully; not only did I need to see my values, my needs and my wants I needed to accept and appreciate them and love myself for them. This enabled me to evolve into the woman I am now, the woman who is in the relationship I’ve always wanted.

I don’t ever feel lost anymore. I know who I am, what I want, where I’m going, and I have a deep understanding of what it will take to get me there. Will there be unforeseen circumstances? Will I need to pivot and redirect? Absolutely, and I’m aware and ready. I’m also aware and ready to change my direction if I ever decide I want to, just because I want to. And the best part is, I don’t need anybody to act in any particular way to make me feel better because I know how to feel exactly how I want to feel.

Want this for yourself? It can be yours! Let’s get you on my calendar.

#havemorelove #havefundating #singleandspiritual #lovedating #lovemakeovers #datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating

 

Where Am I in My Own Life?

Funny thing about the way I used to be … I would focus all my attention on the man of the moment; what he thought, how he felt, the way he ought to be acting to make me feel better (good luck with that) and then I’d complain, “I lost myself in this relationship.” And then I’d stop dating.

Sound familiar?

Here’s what I’ve learned after years of wondering how other women kept creating the relationship I wanted. It’s not about the men. It’s not true that all men are one way and no man is any way – and you don’t need a different app. You have to start with yourself. Your values, your qualities, your quirks and your wants, needs and givens. Your relationship with you is your strongest foundation.

This is the first step in the process I take my clients through in order for them to create the specific, romantic result they each desire. And this foundation is the first layer upon which a quake-resistant relationship is made.

When you know who you are and what you want you will find the partner with whom you can share unbelievable joy!

So, please don’t leave yourself sitting at home on Saturday night thinking about what he’s thinking, feeling or how he’s acting – especially if you’re on a date! You need to show up, engage, bring yourself and be you to the fullest! I promise you’ll never lose yourself again.

#havemorelove #havefundating #lovedating #singleandspiritual #lovemakeovers #datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating

Always, in All Ways

I have been unmarried my entire life.

For years I believed I was wrong, undesirable, unworthy because I hadn’t been chosen. And you want to know what happened?

I kept dating men whose behavior toward me confirmed my beliefs. I only dated men who treated me like I was wrong, undesirable, and unworthy – and none of them chose me.

That’s right, my love, I learned the Law of Attraction is not about who is attracted to me, it’s about who I am attracted to, which is why I ended up dating men who treated me the way I thought I deserved to be treated.

Since I decided to change that story about myself, and got a dating coach in my corner, I’ve discovered a myriad of ways I am right, desirable and worthy – and now I do the choosing!

If my life hadn’t happened exactly the way it did, I might never have made the effort to figure myself out. And if I hadn’t figured myself out, I might never have identified the stories that were keeping me stuck and ultimately met the perfect man – for me!

And because I went through the process of getting myself truly, for once and for all unstuck, I am a pro at identifying exactly what it is that’s standing in the way of my clients meeting the man who is perfect for them. Working with me it will take you a fraction of the time it took me to figure it out, and I can assure you the thing standing in your way is not what you think it is.

You were always supposed to be in this place at this time because all of your experiences are leading you to the life you want the way you want it. You get to choose the kind of relationship you want to have, the kind of partner you want to be with, and the kind of partner you want to be. Contact me and let’s begin.

 

#havemorelove #havefundating #lovedating #singleandspiritual #lovemakeovers #datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating

There Was No Other Way

 

One day my mom ran into the mother of one of my former schoolmates in the grocery store. They stood in the produce section and talked about their children and when my mom told her I’d never been married she was astonished and asked, “Doesn’t it bother you that she’s never been married?” My mom said, ” I’m not unhappy she’s not married, I’m happy she’s not divorced.”

There was a point where I knew that it was more important for me to be married than to simply get married, and if I’d gotten married in my 20’s, 30’s or even my 40’s – I would have wound up divorced or miserable – or both. Because I wasn’t dating men with whom I could be happily married.

Until I got serious and hired a coach, I didn’t know that the misery I was experiencing about dating was all about me and not the men. I didn’t know that whenever I sabotaged a relationship with someone I really liked, it was because I was scared of something about me. I didn’t know that the reason I wasn’t meeting high-quality men wasn’t because men weren’t high-quality, but because I didn’t believe they’d be there for me.

It took me being willing to look into my own thoughts, feelings and habits – and change my relationship with myself – to change my dating outcomes forever.

 

#havemorelove #havefundating #singleandspiritual #lovedating #lovemakeovers #datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating

Just the Way It Is

You don’t want to feel this way anymore. You don’t want to feel sad and sorry and frantic and frustrated and too old and undesirable. You look around you and see other women who have the husband and the family and the life and it looks perfect and … you want perfection too.

Have it now.

Right now, in this moment, the way it is, it’s perfect. It really is.

Or at least, it could be if you decide that it is.

Really, that’s all it will take.

Okay, well now that we cleared that up, what else ya got? Oh, wait … how?

What if, instead of telling yourself something is wrong it’s actually very right?

What if, instead of telling yourself you missed your opportunity to find a partner you use this opportunity to make yourself into the partner you want to be and attract the partner you want?

I used to tell the story about all the things that happened to me and held me back, and nothing ever changed. Then I hired a coach who helped me see those old stories as experiences that happened for me, how to mine them for absolute gold, how to see what I’d thought to be true wasn’t and to see what really is true – and that changed everything.

Shifting my perspective was what enabled me to meet the man who is perfect for me.

If you want to meet your ideal match and you don’t know how to start, this is exactly the time to learn what’s holding you back and write your true story. Perfect!

Sound good? Reach out and let’s go.

#havemorelove #havefundating #lovedating #singleandspiritual #lovemakeovers #datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating

 

Let Them See YOU!

 

I honestly do not think I would have had the amazing fun I did dating, and ultimately be in the loving, supportive, rich, committed partnership I’m in now, if I didn’t start taking responsibility for my emotions and thoughts. When I found this work, I went from confused and insecure in dating to empowered and confident.

When I allowed myself to see the inside parts that I didn’t really like, rather than continuing to hide from them, and started to create a loving relationship with myself, I started to appreciate and embrace my own essential qualities and drop the behaviors shielding me on the outside. This is the only way I could allow someone else to appreciate and embrace me, too!

The men I started meeting were so very different from the ones I’d dated before. They were thoughtful, funny, ambitious, loving, smart, curious, adventurous. They were sweet and generous and kind and open and accepting of me – and they let me be me – and I had the most fun dating!

Want to know the craziest part? The men didn’t change! They were the same people they’d always been I was the one who changed. I changed my thoughts, my feelings and the story I was telling myself and just like a cloud lifting away from the sun, I began to see myself and them the way we all really are. And I’m so grateful I did.

If you’d like to see some sun beyond the clouds and you need help figuring out how, dm me.

 

#havemorelove #havefundating #lovedating #singleandspiritual #lovemakeovers #datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating

Where is the True You?

 

The moment I stopped placing the responsibility for my dearth of fulfilling dates on the men I was meeting, stopped singing the song that all men wanted younger, prettier, thinner women, stopped telling the story that no men wanted committed, monogamous, true partnerships, was the moment I was able to take back my personal power and start changing my romantic relationships.

I stopped looking outside of myself and started to look inside, and I admit I didn’t like what I saw. I wasn’t walking my talk I wasn’t living my life the way I wanted a partner to be living his. Truthfully, I didn’t recognize myself because I’d never taken the time to know who I was, and I certainly wasn’t embracing anything about myself.

Over the course of my life, I’d taken on a lot of other people’s beliefs and their behaviors that didn’t serve me, and they were hiding my true self from the world like a cloud hides the sun. That was the moment I allowed myself to take the actions I needed to create the relationship I really craved.

Doesn’t make a lot of sense to complain about men not seeing me when I didn’t let them. They were seeing the shield I’d built around myself to protect me.

It also doesn’t make a lot of sense to complain about men not appreciating me when I wasn’t appreciating myself. And yet it does make sense, because this is exactly what we do. It’s the real law of attraction – we’re attracted to people who treat us in the ways that support what we think and how we feel about ourselves. We’re attracted to people who treat us in the ways we think we deserve to be treated. So, if I didn’t appreciate myself, doesn’t it make sense that I chose to be with men who didn’t appreciate me either?

Are you ready to see and be seen? Maybe you’re not sure? Please, comment below and tell me how you feel about taking back your power and changing the life you’re living into the life you want.

#havemorelove #havefundating #singleandspiritual #lovedating #lovemakeovers                            #datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating

 

Where Are You?

One day it occurred to me that if my life had been a science experiment, I was the only constant. I had changed everything, or so I thought. I had lived in 3 different states, I had made new friends, I had so many different kinds of jobs I can’t even remember them all, and I had dated men who were so very different from the ones I’d dated in college and my early twenties.

But even with all of this outer change I still wasn’t happy. In that moment I realized I was the constant that hadn’t shifted in all that time and it finally dawned on me that if I wanted my outcomes to be different, the change would have to happen within me. It wasn’t easy, it wasn’t comfortable, but ultimately it was really worth the discomfort I went through to take an honest inventory of myself. I had taken on a lot of other people’s beliefs and behaviors, and they were hiding my true self like a cloud hides the sun.

Have you ever had the experience of taking off on a flight on a stormy day, rising higher and higher through thick, grey clouds until … finally the plane breaks through and you are bathed in gloriously glowing sun? Even if we can’t see it, the sun is always present. Even in the middle of our own night, the sun hasn’t left the universe, it’s simply seen to be shining in another time zone.

Do you feel like nobody sees the real you? Perhaps it’s because you’re not showing them who you really are. Do you realize you can absolutely change that for yourself? Please, comment below and tell me how you feel about taking back your own power and changing the experiences you’re having of dating.

 

#havemorelove #havefundating #lovedating #singleandspiritual #lovemakeovers #datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating

Embrace All of Your Self

All of it.

All of you.

How? How do you start to embrace the one thing – your entire self – made up of so many seemingly disparate things – your qualities – that you’ve habitually undervalued, insulted, complained and joked about as long as you can remember?

You do it the way you do anything else that’s brand-new – one step at a time.

One step might be to try on a new thought. Consider that with 7 billion people in the world it’s entirely possible that there’s one person who will love the very thing you dislike so intensely. Why don’t you give them a chance to do that?

Do you seek an enriched romantic relationship? Or do you just wish dating didn’t have to feel so hard? Whichever version of human connection you choose, the first steps in the process are:

  • Know your value and your values.
  • Do your own qualities inventory. Just one inclusive list
  • Decide what kind of lifestyle will best suit you.

Now do the math – add up your values, qualities and desired lifestyle and you’ll determine the essential qualities you’re looking for in a partner.

#havemorelove #havefundating #lovedating #singleandspiritual #lovemakeovers #datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating