Romantic Relationship Ready

 

I know you think you’re ready.

You’re ready to have a partner by your side, someone with whom you can share laughter and tears, ups and downs, good times and hard times. You’re really ready to have a companion, someone you can talk to, who will talk to you, someone you can whisper to who will listen close so as not to miss a word, who will as happily accompany you on a Sunday walk as to a Saturday night movie or your best friend’s daughter’s wedding. 

Because isn’t that the point of being in a romantic relationship? It’s the companionship, right? It’s having someone to share your hopes and dreams and vision. It’s not having to do things alone ever again, forever and ever, amen! 

Well, that and the sex. Having one person with whom you can be as physically intimate as you are emotionally. 

And yet, it begs the question, how emotionally intimate are you with yourself? How closely do you listen when your own heart whispers? And if you do listen closely, what’s your response? It’s probably very much on the surface, and I’m asking you to dig underneath to a level where you can really take good care of yourself.

Are you ready to meet someone else’s needs in a romantic relationship?

Sharing laughter and tears, ups and downs, not being alone at your best friend’s daughter’s wedding … all of these are nice outcomes of being in a relationship, but none of them is exactly the purpose.

There is just so much you can do to facilitate your own personal growth alone. And the thing a romantic relationship will do for you in ways that nothing else can, is 10X your self-awareness, self-love and self-growth. But only if you let it.

The people who suffer in relationships, (and cause their partners to suffer alongside them), are the ones who think their partners are there to provide for their needs. They also think they can participate in one and remain the same as they were when they started. They’re the ones who spend a lot of time and energy trying to get their partner to change so they can feel better. It might sound like, “If you loved me you would…” or, “I need you to…” 

I don’t believe for one minute that someone else is supposed to give me what I need – I actually don’t believe it’s even possible. Needs aren’t things, like phone calls or text messages or even attention, they’re how we feel, like cherished and respected and loved, and because our own feelings come from our own thoughts, nobody else can give us our feelings, only we can do that. 

For you to thrive in a romantic relationship you need to figure out what you need and then how to provide it for yourself! And no, I’m not talking about taking actions like having intimate connections or sex outside of a committed partnership, I’m talking about learning exactly what the feelings are that you seek to feel that are driving those actions.

Do you believe that someone else ought to change their behavior in order for you to feel better? Okay, well then, tell me – how does that play out when someone else thinks you ought to change what you’re doing or saying so they can feel better? Yeah, I thought so.

Are you ready to make this the year you stop sabotaging your relationships?

Do so many of us sabotage our relationships because deep down inside we don’t want to be responsible for taking care of someone else’s needs? 

The answer for me is, absolutely! And if you feel the same that’s an even better reason to get a handle on how your needs – and everyone else’s – really work so you can stop working against the thing you really want and make 2021 the year you create that committed, romantic relationship you’ve been seeking for so long.

If you’re someone who:

  • Expects a man to call or text you every morning and evening when you’ve just met
  • Wants to be introduced to his friends and family after only a couple of dates
  • Decides you’re ‘in a relationship’ after only a couple of dates

Ask yourself how you think you’ll feel when that thing happens. 

  • How will you feel if a man calls or texts every morning and evening?
  • How will you feel when you’re introduced to his family and friends?
  • How will you feel when you’re really and truly in a relationship?

The feeling is what you’re after, fulfilling that feeling is your need – not whatever the thing is you think you want. 

Let’s say you feel loved when someone calls or texts you. It’s not just because of the communication, it’s because of the importance you give to it. But … how will you feel if the calls and texts stop coming?

If you don’t figure out what you really need and how to provide it for yourself, you are going to be focusing on the actions someone is taking rather than on the only question you need to be asking at the very beginning – do you like him?

Romantic Relationship or Free Shipping?

 

What does God know about romance?

I know you think it’s hard to meet a good man. You also think that Covid has set your plans back by a year and you’re afraid you missed your chance to have the husband and family you’ve wanted for so long. Are you feeling a bit … impatient?

When you say your prayers at night what is it you seek? A good husband? A great father? An excellent provider? And what about his qualities – Considerable financial means? World Traveler? Commitment to a religion that is your own? Of course, if these qualities can be wrapped in a 6’2” frame with great hair and a killer smile, so much the better, right? That’s your ideal. Actually, that would be ideal

You’re impatient because you believe you’ve not yet met the man who checks all the many, many, boxes. And you’re getting a little …umm, tired … of people suggesting you might be too picky. Why shouldn’t you have a partner who has all the things you want

Be honest – are you offering a prayer or placing an order?

If God did know about romance, it would be different.

When you do go online and scan the profiles, what is it you find? Are there many men who check all the boxes? Nope. Often it seems there aren’t even any. Apparently the ones you seek do not exist and the ones seeking you are definitely not marriage material. How many times, in the stillness of the night, have you asked God, “Why?”

Why does it seem to happen for everyone else but you? Why are other women in beautiful partnerships with amazing men and you’re not? Why aren’t you ever attracted to the ones that pursue you? The nice ones are so boring, and the exciting ones aren’t very nice.

God (the Universe, the Law of Attraction) is presenting the same men to you as to all the rest of us. What is the lens through which you are viewing them? I find that when I stop being impatient and allow patience to have Her perfect work the world in which I live is more ideal. 

God governs time, not me. I’ve learned to look for the green flags, because when I only look for the red flags, when I keep repeating all the negative mantras – dating is hard and all men are this and no man wants that … that’s all I see. I’ve learned that men are people too, and to expect one to be all things is wrong of me, not of men. I’ve learned that no man is a perfect human, and yet there is a human man who is perfect for me

Maybe the question is, what does God know that I don’t?

I’ve had long term relationships, although I’ve never been married, mostly because I never wound up dating anyone I could see myself happily married to. The reasons for that are many, and I’ll explore them more throughout this journey, the point here is, since I transformed my thoughts about dating my results have been transformed as well. Each of the relationships I’ve had in the last 5 years has been better than the one before. 

I met a man online in September and as we’ve gone slowly through the maze of socially-responsible dating during a worldwide pandemic I experience his many qualities that beautifully align with my values and lifestyle desires; including acquiring a passport so we can traverse the streets of Paris together and embracing my religion because he had been seeking one for himself. We have a Want Match, and it’s a beautiful way to live! But hear me – he hadn’t had a passport since High School and he wasn’t already a member of the church in which I was raised, as a matter of fact he’d never heard of it.

So maybe God isn’t Amazon Prime. Maybe you don’t place an order and receive a delivery in 2 hours, pop open the box and find a man who is prepackaged with all the things you want because it’s you who are supposed to inspire him to find the experiences he needs.

#havemorelove #havefundating #lovedating #singleandspiritual #lovemakeovers #datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating

Romantic Relationship and Finding Yourself

 

I see you hiding back there, even though you thought I wouldn’t see you, didn’t you? And if I didn’t see you, you wouldn’t have to do the work on yourself, right?

Just like when I’d try to hide in the back of the crowd during gym class hoping I wouldn’t have to climb a rope or walk a beam or jump over a pommel horse. The only problem is, if I only heard about it, or watched others do it, I’d never learn to do it myself.

For a long while I was the exact same way about dating. I kept watching others do it thinking that would help me, while I wasn’t doing very much of it myself, but there were a whole bunch of things I was doing…

Taking classes, reading books, listening to podcasts and attending workshops will take you just so far. They can teach you things, but in order to actually learn something you need to practice it. To have the thing you want you have to actually do the thing you want.

If you’re wondering why you’re not in a relationship even though you want to be, you really need to look at all the ways you are benefiting by being alone. I can think of one thing…

What’s amazing about being in a romantic relationship is that you’re forced to grow. What’s scary as sh*t about being in a romantic relationship is that you’re forced to grow!

There’s no way around it – if you want an enriched romantic relationship with the partner who’s your rightest match you’re going to have to grow yourself through it. It’s easier said than done. That’s why I stayed alone and apart for so long – I wasn’t ready for that level of intimacy with anybody, least of all myself.

If you’re like I was, really ready to meet your rightest match and yet not taking the actions you know you need to take, you might really need a coach to help you move from where you are now to where you want to be.

Get yourself on my calendar. Find out what’s holding you back and I promise you’ll find yourself in the process.

 

#havemorelove #havefundating #lovedating #singleandspiritual #lovemakeovers #datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating

 

Romantic Relationships and Holding Onto You

Romantic Relationships - Holding Onto You
Romantic Relationships -Holding Onto You

I could have sworn I used to be in here somewhere, where did I go?

The other day I talked about how I used to lose myself in relationships, and then stop even trying to date. Losing myself sounds so passive, it sounds like something that just happened one day when I wasn’t looking (like all the times in my life those same 10 pounds just snuck back onto my hips). But maybe I didn’t just lose myself in the relationship, maybe I gave myself up for it. And maybe you’ve done that too.

Being willing to do the work meant starting with ME. I needed to look at myself fully; not only did I need to see my values, my needs and my wants I needed to accept and appreciate them and love myself for them. This enabled me to evolve into the woman I am now, the woman who is in the relationship I’ve always wanted.

I don’t ever feel lost anymore. I know who I am, what I want, where I’m going, and I have a deep understanding of what it will take to get me there. Will there be unforeseen circumstances? Will I need to pivot and redirect? Absolutely, and I’m aware and ready. I’m also aware and ready to change my direction if I ever decide I want to, just because I want to. And the best part is, I don’t need anybody to act in any particular way to make me feel better because I know how to feel exactly how I want to feel.

Want this for yourself? It can be yours! Let’s get you on my calendar.

#havemorelove #havefundating #singleandspiritual #lovedating #lovemakeovers #datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating

 

Where Am I in My Own Life?

Funny thing about the way I used to be … I would focus all my attention on the man of the moment; what he thought, how he felt, the way he ought to be acting to make me feel better (good luck with that) and then I’d complain, “I lost myself in this relationship.” And then I’d stop dating.

Sound familiar?

Here’s what I’ve learned after years of wondering how other women kept creating the relationship I wanted. It’s not about the men. It’s not true that all men are one way and no man is any way – and you don’t need a different app. You have to start with yourself. Your values, your qualities, your quirks and your wants, needs and givens. Your relationship with you is your strongest foundation.

This is the first step in the process I take my clients through in order for them to create the specific, romantic result they each desire. And this foundation is the first layer upon which a quake-resistant relationship is made.

When you know who you are and what you want you will find the partner with whom you can share unbelievable joy!

So, please don’t leave yourself sitting at home on Saturday night thinking about what he’s thinking, feeling or how he’s acting – especially if you’re on a date! You need to show up, engage, bring yourself and be you to the fullest! I promise you’ll never lose yourself again.

#havemorelove #havefundating #lovedating #singleandspiritual #lovemakeovers #datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating

Always, in All Ways

I have been unmarried my entire life.

For years I believed I was wrong, undesirable, unworthy because I hadn’t been chosen. And you want to know what happened?

I kept dating men whose behavior toward me confirmed my beliefs. I only dated men who treated me like I was wrong, undesirable, and unworthy – and none of them chose me.

That’s right, my love, I learned the Law of Attraction is not about who is attracted to me, it’s about who I am attracted to, which is why I ended up dating men who treated me the way I thought I deserved to be treated.

Since I decided to change that story about myself, and got a dating coach in my corner, I’ve discovered a myriad of ways I am right, desirable and worthy – and now I do the choosing!

If my life hadn’t happened exactly the way it did, I might never have made the effort to figure myself out. And if I hadn’t figured myself out, I might never have identified the stories that were keeping me stuck and ultimately met the perfect man – for me!

And because I went through the process of getting myself truly, for once and for all unstuck, I am a pro at identifying exactly what it is that’s standing in the way of my clients meeting the man who is perfect for them. Working with me it will take you a fraction of the time it took me to figure it out, and I can assure you the thing standing in your way is not what you think it is.

You were always supposed to be in this place at this time because all of your experiences are leading you to the life you want the way you want it. You get to choose the kind of relationship you want to have, the kind of partner you want to be with, and the kind of partner you want to be. Contact me and let’s begin.

 

#havemorelove #havefundating #lovedating #singleandspiritual #lovemakeovers #datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating

There Was No Other Way

 

One day my mom ran into the mother of one of my former schoolmates in the grocery store. They stood in the produce section and talked about their children and when my mom told her I’d never been married she was astonished and asked, “Doesn’t it bother you that she’s never been married?” My mom said, ” I’m not unhappy she’s not married, I’m happy she’s not divorced.”

There was a point where I knew that it was more important for me to be married than to simply get married, and if I’d gotten married in my 20’s, 30’s or even my 40’s – I would have wound up divorced or miserable – or both. Because I wasn’t dating men with whom I could be happily married.

Until I got serious and hired a coach, I didn’t know that the misery I was experiencing about dating was all about me and not the men. I didn’t know that whenever I sabotaged a relationship with someone I really liked, it was because I was scared of something about me. I didn’t know that the reason I wasn’t meeting high-quality men wasn’t because men weren’t high-quality, but because I didn’t believe they’d be there for me.

It took me being willing to look into my own thoughts, feelings and habits – and change my relationship with myself – to change my dating outcomes forever.

 

#havemorelove #havefundating #singleandspiritual #lovedating #lovemakeovers #datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating

Just the Way It Is

You don’t want to feel this way anymore. You don’t want to feel sad and sorry and frantic and frustrated and too old and undesirable. You look around you and see other women who have the husband and the family and the life and it looks perfect and … you want perfection too.

Have it now.

Right now, in this moment, the way it is, it’s perfect. It really is.

Or at least, it could be if you decide that it is.

Really, that’s all it will take.

Okay, well now that we cleared that up, what else ya got? Oh, wait … how?

What if, instead of telling yourself something is wrong it’s actually very right?

What if, instead of telling yourself you missed your opportunity to find a partner you use this opportunity to make yourself into the partner you want to be and attract the partner you want?

I used to tell the story about all the things that happened to me and held me back, and nothing ever changed. Then I hired a coach who helped me see those old stories as experiences that happened for me, how to mine them for absolute gold, how to see what I’d thought to be true wasn’t and to see what really is true – and that changed everything.

Shifting my perspective was what enabled me to meet the man who is perfect for me.

If you want to meet your ideal match and you don’t know how to start, this is exactly the time to learn what’s holding you back and write your true story. Perfect!

Sound good? Reach out and let’s go.

#havemorelove #havefundating #lovedating #singleandspiritual #lovemakeovers #datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating

 

Let Them See YOU!

 

I honestly do not think I would have had the amazing fun I did dating, and ultimately be in the loving, supportive, rich, committed partnership I’m in now, if I didn’t start taking responsibility for my emotions and thoughts. When I found this work, I went from confused and insecure in dating to empowered and confident.

When I allowed myself to see the inside parts that I didn’t really like, rather than continuing to hide from them, and started to create a loving relationship with myself, I started to appreciate and embrace my own essential qualities and drop the behaviors shielding me on the outside. This is the only way I could allow someone else to appreciate and embrace me, too!

The men I started meeting were so very different from the ones I’d dated before. They were thoughtful, funny, ambitious, loving, smart, curious, adventurous. They were sweet and generous and kind and open and accepting of me – and they let me be me – and I had the most fun dating!

Want to know the craziest part? The men didn’t change! They were the same people they’d always been I was the one who changed. I changed my thoughts, my feelings and the story I was telling myself and just like a cloud lifting away from the sun, I began to see myself and them the way we all really are. And I’m so grateful I did.

If you’d like to see some sun beyond the clouds and you need help figuring out how, dm me.

 

#havemorelove #havefundating #lovedating #singleandspiritual #lovemakeovers #datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating

Where is the True You?

 

The moment I stopped placing the responsibility for my dearth of fulfilling dates on the men I was meeting, stopped singing the song that all men wanted younger, prettier, thinner women, stopped telling the story that no men wanted committed, monogamous, true partnerships, was the moment I was able to take back my personal power and start changing my romantic relationships.

I stopped looking outside of myself and started to look inside, and I admit I didn’t like what I saw. I wasn’t walking my talk I wasn’t living my life the way I wanted a partner to be living his. Truthfully, I didn’t recognize myself because I’d never taken the time to know who I was, and I certainly wasn’t embracing anything about myself.

Over the course of my life, I’d taken on a lot of other people’s beliefs and their behaviors that didn’t serve me, and they were hiding my true self from the world like a cloud hides the sun. That was the moment I allowed myself to take the actions I needed to create the relationship I really craved.

Doesn’t make a lot of sense to complain about men not seeing me when I didn’t let them. They were seeing the shield I’d built around myself to protect me.

It also doesn’t make a lot of sense to complain about men not appreciating me when I wasn’t appreciating myself. And yet it does make sense, because this is exactly what we do. It’s the real law of attraction – we’re attracted to people who treat us in the ways that support what we think and how we feel about ourselves. We’re attracted to people who treat us in the ways we think we deserve to be treated. So, if I didn’t appreciate myself, doesn’t it make sense that I chose to be with men who didn’t appreciate me either?

Are you ready to see and be seen? Maybe you’re not sure? Please, comment below and tell me how you feel about taking back your power and changing the life you’re living into the life you want.

#havemorelove #havefundating #singleandspiritual #lovedating #lovemakeovers                            #datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating