Do you want to be married to a person? Maybe it’s what you’re NOT doing that’s holding you back.

After you read last week’s missive did you do an action audit? Are you doing one of these 3 things that is keeping you from meeting and dating men who are great possibilities for marriage?

If you did, good job! The first step can be the hardest – celebrate yourself for taking it! But, what if it’s not something you’re doing that’s holding you back, what if it’s something you’re not doing that you ought to? 

If you’re not any closer to marriage, what aren’t you doing?

Engaging in love and relationships in the real world

In a 2019 interview, author Frances Mayes (remember Under the Tuscan Sun, one of the most romantic stories ever told?) said she thought the internet hadn’t caught on as much in Italy because people live life in person. They don’t email each other because every day they sit and talk with their neighbors in the piazza or meet their old high school flame in the grocery store.

Lately we’ve all spent much more time in our homes and online. And even prior to the pandemic many more couples were meeting online than in person – but – that only means the original meeting. At some point you must move that interaction offline and into a space where you can meet face to face. If you don’t, it’s not online dating, it’s online writing. It’s being digital pen pals, and that doesn’t lead to marriage.

Ask yourself – Do I want to be married to technology, or to a person? Then act accordingly. One of the greatest compliments I ever received was being told I’m very European. That person meant that I enjoy being, not only doing. Be more European, be more face to face with people, be with yourself comfortably and genuinely in a way that invites others to be with you, too.

Curating a happy marriage feed

When you open your eyes in the morning what’s the first thing you do? If it’s to check your social media … What do you read? Who do you see? 

Throughout the day, are you constantly checking your feed to be brought up to date on the latest news, or incessantly posting what you’re eating, what you’re watching, what you’re thinking and then checking to see who ‘liked’ it?

Your head’s in your phone All. Day. Long. Do you see stories about committed love and lifelong marriage and images of beautiful weddings and happy couples? Are you posting and sharing stories about the kind of fulfilling love and real marriage you want – or ‘jokes’ about toxic husbands and bridezillas?

In order to be it you have to first see it. If your body is your temple, your mind is your haven. You are the gatekeeper and it’s up to you what you allow into both of those precious spaces. Do what serves you, act the way you want to be in the world. You don’t have to do or be what other people think is amusing. Because honestly, it’s not that amusing, even to them.

Loving yourself ‘til death do you part

So, here’s the part where you might roll your eyes at me, and I’m okay with that. Really. Because the one thing you are most resistant to accepting is probably the one thing you need to embrace to make the incredible transformation you keep saying you want!

You’ve heard it and read it for years – you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. And you roll your eyes or slam down your phone or throw the book across the room (luckily, I missed the lamp). I don’t know why you feel angry; l felt angry because I thought I was being blamed for not having the thing I wanted.

If someone says you ought to love yourself and your response is to feel anger, you don’t love yourself. I know this for 2 reasons.

 When you really love yourself, nobody tells you you ought to because it’s evident that you do. 

The times when I heard that statement and got angry it was because I didn’t love myself. I said I did, I thought I did, but I really didn’t, because I didn’t get what it meant to really love myself.

BTW – I don’t agree that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. I believe you have to love yourself before you can allow someone else to love you. Stay tuned next week! 🙂

The only relationship you are guaranteed to be in ‘til death do you part is the one you have with yourself. Don’t you want it to be the happiest, the most joyous, honest, fulfilling, the most absolutely delicious one possible?

This is your marriage. Whether it’s a happy one is up to you.

#havemorelove #datingandrelationships #midlifemarriage #datingat50 #marriedat50 #marriedat40 #midlifedating #onlinedating  

Here’s how:

Feel the way you want to feel then now.

Luxuriate in it. Revel in it. Absolutely soak in the feelings of desire, love and being cherished the way you would soak in a tub filled with foaming bath oil and rose petals.

This may sound a little crazy, but it’s the absolute truth – every feeling you want to feel at some time in the future is available to you right now. How is this possible? Because the way you feel is determined, not by your circumstances, but by what you think about your circumstances. 

• If you want to feel desired or loved or cherished, start thinking about what that really takes. You are a woman who is desirable, lovable and worthy of being cherished, even if there is no man in your life at the moment. Creating that belief and truly instilling it in your own heart is the first step to feeling every feeling you desire.

• Start to feel like a woman who is in a committed, monogamous relationship – like a woman in love. What must you think in order to develop those feelings? And once you’re feelin’ her, how does she act? What does she say and do? How does she show up? How will you behave when you’re married? Do you think you’ll be very different than you are now? If so, figure out what you have to think to create the feelings that will fuel your actions, and do it now!

Pretty soon you’ll feel so loved and cherished and desired, and you’ll be exuding that energy, and you’ll be so attractive to so many people, you won’t even notice you’re not actually in a relationship. Yet.

Make time for dating now.

You are absolutely in love with your career and although that’s awesome, there are other things you want to be in love with as well. You want a partner, marriage and a family – you might not want to have children yourself, but you might … or you might be open to a partner who already has children. Either way, a big step on the way to marriage is being in a committed, monogamous relationship.

You know how you always say you will make time to be in a relationship but you don’t have time to date? Make time now. If you don’t make time to date, you won’t know how to make time to be in a relationship. You won’t know how to make different choices than the ones you make now. Being in a relationship will not magically enable you to say no to working overtime or always being the one to babysit your nephew at the last minute.

Telling yourself over and over that you don’t have time to do something you want to do, that will enable you to create something you want, isn’t serving you. It’s actually making it hard for you to believe you’ll ever have it. And when something is hard for you to believe, how motivated do you feel to take all the actions necessary to go after it?

It starts to feel more like a job, doesn’t it? And you’ve already got a job, what you want is to create balance and a right order in your life by giving more time and attention to your love relationships and less to the business ones. That takes you doing something different than you’ve done before.

Be happy now.

Postponing your happiness into the future is making you feel like someone who doesn’t ever get what she wants. And when you constantly feel like you don’t get what you want in life one of two things can happen. Either you’ll get burnt out and stop going after what you want; (i.e. quit dating) or when you do get what you want (falling in love with your absolute right match!) you won’t recognize him because you’ve set yourself up to believe you can only be happy when you’re in a relationship at some distant time in the future, not now.

Happiness is a feeling, and as you saw above, every feeling that you might possibly want to feel at some time in the distant future is available to you right now.

I realize this may be a foreign concept, because it’s so different from what we’ve all been taught about life, right? We’re supposed to go out and get something or do something or be something different, and then we get to feel different. But the truth is, it’s the exact opposite! 

Your thoughts are creating your feelings. Your feelings are fueling your actions. Your actions are ultimately creating your results. You think, you feel, you do. That’s the truth of how you have what you have now and how you get what you want instead.

Now, what are you going to do about it?

This is your life. Having everything you want is up to you.

#havemorelove #havefundating #singleandspiritual #lovedating #lovemakeovers

#datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating

Dating, Marriage and Your Romantic Relationships – Are you doing the right things?

There are too many high-quality, marriage-ready, communicative, single gentlemen on this app! 

Said no unmarried woman ever.

What I usually hear is, there’s nobody here for me, these men are all commitment-phobes, everybody’s married, they all only want sex, I need a different app!

What kinds of things are you doing to create the marriage you want? Are you posting a profile and great pics online, telling all your friends you want to meet someone, signing up for a dating service, decluttering, moving into a larger space, burning candles and saying affirmations to draw in your love?

Any one of these might be the right thing. Maybe none of them are. But here’s the real thing…

You are a woman who has achieved success in one area of your life – work. You’re either an employee with a high-powered, high level position in your chosen career, or an owner of a thriving business. 

I want to offer you a way to remind yourself of exactly how amazing you are, and how you are absolutely capable of creating the relationship of your dreams. Sit down and write yourself a letter, but not any ordinary letter. You’re going to write a list of everything you’ve ever accomplished – at work.

This is your evidence list. You’re going to call it that so that in the future if you start to doubt whether you’ll ever be married you can look at all the ‘evidence’ of what you’ve already achieved and gain confidence from your capability. 

You are a woman who gets things done and success skills are transferable. 

You know what to do. If you’ve been taking consistent action toward your goal of meeting a high-quality man to whom you can one day be married and you’re not married yet it’s not because you’re not doing the right things.

Dating, Marriage and Your Romantic Relationships – Are you doing the things right?

So, if it’s true that you’ve created all of these amazing achievements at work – and it is – then how come you’re not experiencing this nirvana in your romantic relationships? Is it possible that it’s not what you’re doing, but how you’re doing it?

Do you know the difference between doing the right things and doing things right? Doing the right things is about what you do. Doing things right is about how you feel while you’re doing. And feelings start with your thoughts.

I’m not suggesting I can tell you one right way to do anything, and if you’ve read books or taken classes that purported to tell you how, that could be the issue right there. The only right way to embark on the journey that will lead to marriage is to do it the way that honors, highlights, respects and embraces you in all your glory. That’s why personalized coaching is so vital!

Have you been trying to create love the way someone else says is ‘right?’ Stop it!

Have you noticed how you feel while you’re posting your profile or swiping through your daily matches or engaging in a conversation with a man you’ve met online? Are you finding very few candidates to date? Are you having any fun on the dates you do have?

If you don’t feel good, and you’re not having any fun, it’s time to stop the things you’re doing and figure out how to do the things you’re doing right.

Dating, Marriage and Your Romantic Relationships – Are you getting the things you want?

If you were managing an important work project you’d first decide the goal then determine the metrics that will tell you if you’re achieving it. And then you’d decide how to accomplish it which would include a fair assessment of whether or not you have the tools and skills necessary.

It’s exactly the same process in dating, relationships and marriage.

What’s your pleasure? Do you want to be married and have children, married with no children, blissfully cohabiting sans marriage? You get to do you.

How will you know if you’re achieving your goal? Well, if you’ve read this far I’d say you’re probably not there. Do you know how to create the outcome you desire when it comes to love? Do you have the tools and skills necessary to create love with ease and joy rather than the way you see your friends try to do it – with pain and suffering?

If you don’t currently possess those tools and skills it’s not a moral failing, a condemnation or a sign that marriage is not for you. It’s simply an acknowledgment that you’ve spent more time focusing on work than your personal life. For years you’ve taken care of everything except your personal desires – and I can help you change your focus and learn how to transfer those success skills from business to pleasure!

#havemorelove #havefundating #lovedating #singleandspiritual #lovemakeovers #datingandrelationships #midlifemarriage #midlifedating #onlinedating

Dating, Marriage and Your Toolbox

Dating, Marriage and Your Romantic Relationships – Tools

Never use a hammer and screwdriver to defrost a freezer.

Once upon a time, the freezer compartment attached to a refrigerator would build up ice. Periodically you’d have to take out all the food, turn off the cold air and let the ice melt. My mom used to speed up the process by putting in a pot of boiling water. And as the ice got softer, she’d pry it off with her fingers.

So, one day I decided to hasten the process along. Rather than waiting for it to get soft enough to pry off with my fingers, I decided to chip it off, tapping a screwdriver with a hammer the way a sculptor chisels away at a rock.

POP! Pssssssssssssssstttttttttt……….

That’s the sound of freon escaping from a punctured tube. Added bonus; it came with a shot of cold air into my face!

Of course I called my dad. He assured me I wouldn’t die from a short burst of freon and closed with his classic, “Well, I guess you won’t be doing that again, will you?”

Um, no.

If you’ve never been married and want to be, you need the right tools. Dating apps and sites are only part of it. Stop focusing on them and what you think of the men you find there. Because when you focus on that you stop seeing possibilities and then you get frustrated and start to feel hopeless, and when you feel hopeless you stop dating. 

Not dating doesn’t get you closer to your dream.

You are the most important tool in your toolbox; your qualities and characteristics, what makes you stand out in the most inviting, engaging way! When you learn how to harness the power of what you’ve already got – your exceptional, brilliantly unique YOU – that’s when you’ll shift from feeling frustrated and hopeless to meeting your mate! 

Dating, Marriage and Your Romantic Relationships – Skills

How, exactly, do you use a bandsaw? That’s the question I could have asked when I first got to the Habitat for Humanity building site in New Orleans. This was in 2010, years before I’d started to uplevel my life and all my relationships along with it. 

I didn’t yet understand that in order to create different results I needed to take different actions, and in order to do that I needed to feel different feelings, and for that I’d have to think different thoughts than I’d ever thought before. I needed different skills than I had at the time.

So instead, I just said, no. No, I don’t use heavy machinery. That’s okay, somebody else can do that.

It didn’t take me long until I asked someone how to use the bandsaw.

You may be doing all the right things like, telling all your friends you’re looking and meeting everyone they set you up with and going online and messaging people and going out on dates and reading books and you still haven’t met your right match.

There’s a world of difference between doing the right thing and doing something right.

Websites and apps and dates and books are just tools. It’s how you use them that makes all the difference between dating forever and meeting your forever partner.

Dating, Marriage and Your Romantic Relationships – Results

Sure, I could have continued to do all the same things I’d always done, in the same way I’d always done them; I could have continued to focus on all the things I thought men weren’t and all the things I thought they ought to be. I could have kept believing that they had to change for me to be happy. I could have kept chasing after every guy I met who didn’t want to be with me to try and make him want to be with me. I could have continued to put all the power over my happiness into the hands of men and kept ignoring the one thing that is obvious to me in hindsight – nothing would have ever changed. But that’s not how this story ends.

I’ve lived in three different states, and had a million first days on the job. I’ve also had as many first (and only) dates. 

I had changed absolutely everything possible outside of myself and yet my life wasn’t any different, and I certainly wasn’t any happier than I’d ever been before. I finally saw it – if my life had been a science experiment, I would have been the only constant. 

It was also glaringly obvious that I couldn’t figure out the solution for myself, because I honestly wasn’t sure exactly what the problem was. Was it my job? Was it the town in which I lived? Was it my confidence or lack thereof? Was it the app? Was it just … me?

I hired a coach and acquired the right tools. But just like with the bandsaw, it doesn’t matter what tools you have if you don’t have the skills to apply them properly.  And the most amazing thing happened – I started feeling happy with my life, just the way it was, even before any of it changed. And then I started having fun on dates even though the men hadn’t changed. And then everything changed!

#havemorelove #havefundating #lovedating #singleandspiritual #lovemakeovers #datingandrelationships #midlifemarriage #midlifedating #onlinedating

Ready to Clear Your Marriage Blocks?

You know you want to be married. So why aren’t you?

And no, the answer is not simply, “Because I haven’t found the right partner yet.” Even back in the day when I was saying it I knew the true answer ran deeper than that.

Why haven’t you found him? That’s the question you have to be willing to ask and to answer. And if you’re really willing to go deep, the answer will show you the block that is standing between you and your happily ever after. Does your story go something like this:

I haven’t found my right match because I keep choosing to date men who I know deep down in my heart are not my right match. I keep choosing to date men who aren’t looking for committed relationships so that I can keep being right about my belief that men are unavailable. 

What this really means is – you’re the one who’s unavailable.

And dating men who are unavailable keeps you safe.

You can’t make a commitment to someone who’s not looking for one. This means you don’t have to risk heartache by being with a man you really love in case it doesn’t last forever.

You don’t have to risk giving up your home and everything you’ve created for yourself by moving in with him in case it doesn’t last forever. You don’t have to risk anything at all.

It’s not true that all men are unavailable, but if all the men you date are unavailable, it’s time to have a heart to heart talk – with yourself. You may not be ready to take a risk, but if you can at least stop blaming all the men for your lack of a connection I guarantee you’ll have a much different experience of dating.

If you want a much different experience of dating, click here and learn one thing you can start doing today that will change your dating for good!  https://lenaehrenberg.com/

You know you want to be married. So why aren’t you? Part 2.

Do you know anyone who ever met a man online who wasn’t exactly who he said he was? Yeah, me too. Do you know anyone who’s ever dated a man who only wanted sex? Me too for that, too. And, so … what?

The next question you need to be willing to answer for yourself is, why do you keep holding on to all the negative stories? Because, here’s the thing – you also know women who’ve met men online who were exactly who they presented themselves to be. And you know women who’ve dated men who didn’t rush them into bed at all, who were perfectly willing to wait until they’d gotten to the point in their relationships where both partners were eager and ready, rather than just eager. You know you do. I’ve had both of those experiences repeatedly because I believe they’re possible.

And you also know women who have MARRIED men they’ve met online – I know 4 women personally, and many more who are friends of friends. So the question to ask yourself today is, what do you have to gain by not telling that story?

You get to feel safe, you get to not risk, you get to be right. That’s right, you get to do all these things. You also get to remain alone. What’s more important to you, to be safely alone or to risk being with a partner who enriches your experience of the one life you are living?

I’m an expert in figuring out exactly what you need to start having a lot more fun dating. Click here to get the first thing:  https://lenaehrenberg.com/

You know you want to be married. So why aren’t you? Part 3.

This past week we’ve been talking about your marriage blocks. Just like with money blocks holding you back from manifesting more financial wealth, these blocks are holding you back from enriching your life in another way. But here’s the thing – you have a good life! You have a great career, loving friends and family, you travel, you own (or rent) a beautiful home in a fabulous and safe neighborhood – you don’t need to be married to enjoy your life!

But if you want to be, that’s enough to do something about it.

If you haven’t figured it out on your own yet, what do you think will change if you keep trying on your own? Try this:  https://lenaehrenberg.com/

If you want something different you need to do something different.

YOU deserve to feel giddy with delight on Every! Single! Date!

You’re a Smart Girl, you know it’s the actions you take that ultimately create your outcomes. If you want to create a different outcome in your relationships than the one you keep creating it makes sense that you’re going to have to do something different than what you’ve been doing.

But you truly believe you’ve done absolutely everything possible and things just don’t change. The thing is, just because you’re doing different things (like using different apps) you’re probably doing them in the same ways, (like only engaging with men who are unavailable) and that’s what’s creating your same-old, same-old outcome. 

What I mean is, maybe it’s not what you’re doing but how you’re doing it.

Your feelings fuel your actions. Literally, like rocket fuel. And I think that actions are not just what we do, they’re also how we do what we do – our behavior. 

Imagine yourself doing something simple like pouring a glass of water. When you’re feeling calm you can pour a glass of water without spilling a drop, almost as if you’ve done it all your life! 😉

Now imagine feeling really nervous about something, shaking nervous, and trying to pour a glass of water – you know some of that is landing on the table. Fuel.

How did you feel on your last date?

How do you want to feel on your next date? Happy? Playful? Giddy with delight? 

Oh yes, you can, you simply need to find the right grade of fuel – and I can help!

Have you really done everything to create your right match?

What do you think it’s going to take to get you to the feeling you want to feel on your next date? That was kind of a trick question. It’s your thoughts that create your feelings, so the thing that’s going to get you to the feeling you want is a thought that will create that feeling within you. 

That’s just crazy, right? It’s the man, right? It’s always the man. It’s what he does or doesn’t do, says or doesn’t say, it’s just him, right? Sorry, no.

Your thoughts create your feelings. Every. Single. Time. Consider this: when there’s a man sitting across the table from you and you like him, it’s because you’re thinking about how much you like the way he looks, the way he talks, the things he says! When there’s a man sitting across the table from you and you don’t like him, it’s because you’re thinking about how much you don’t like the way he looks, the way he talks, the things he says. None of it.

So, now that you know that your thoughts create your feelings and your feelings fuel your actions and your actions create your outcome, what do you think about the outcomes you keep getting in your romantic relationships?

Are you meeting men online and messaging and talking and meeting and you just haven’t met the one? Maybe you are doing everything you can do and it’s just a matter of time. Maybe you really don’t have to take different actions, but if you’re not yet in the relationship you desire you probably have to take those actions in a different way.

How much more time are you willing to give this? Do you want to keep doing it your way and hoping that some day it will work? 

Wouldn’t you rather spend time being with your love than just looking for him?

Yes, you CAN feel giddy with delight – and here’s how!

How about investing the smallest amount of time to create the grandest result ever? Rather than spending a lot of time trying to figure out different things to do or how to do things differently, invest your time in feeling different. For this you’ll have to think different thoughts.

Is dating hard? Are all men relationship-phobic? Do all men only want sex or women who are 10 years younger than you? Is it impossible to date during a pandemic? Do you have to lose fifteen pounds to get a man’s attention? If that’s what it takes to get his attention heaven only knows what you have to do to keep it, right?

When you think these thoughts do you feel Angry? Frustrated? Sad? Hopeless?

Just like when trying to pour a glass of water when you’re shaking with nervousness, if you’re going online or getting on the phone or going on a date with someone while you’re feeling angry, frustrated, sad or hopeless you are going to spill all over the table – he’ll be able to see it, hear it, feel it. No matter what it is you’re actually doing.

When you’re ready to create a different outcome in your dating and relationships than the one you keep getting on your own, let’s talk!   #havemorelove

Discover why he’s not here yet and what you can do about it. Click on the link and schedule your free call: https://lenacoachsession.as.me/

I know you think you’re ready.

You’re ready to have a partner by your side, someone with whom you can share laughter and tears, ups and downs, good times and hard times. You’re really ready to have a companion, someone you can talk to, who will talk to you, someone you can whisper to who will listen close so as not to miss a word, who will as happily accompany you on a Sunday walk as to a Saturday night movie or your best friend’s daughter’s wedding. 

Because isn’t that the point of being in a romantic relationship? It’s the companionship, right? It’s having someone to share your hopes and dreams and vision. It’s not having to do things alone ever again, forever and ever, amen! 

Well, that and the sex. Having one person with whom you can be as physically intimate as you are emotionally. 

And yet, it begs the question, how emotionally intimate are you with yourself? How closely do you listen when your own heart whispers? And if you do listen closely, what’s your response? It’s probably very much on the surface, and I’m asking you to dig underneath to a level where you can really take good care of yourself.

Are you ready to meet someone else’s needs in a romantic relationship?

Sharing laughter and tears, ups and downs, not being alone at your best friend’s daughter’s wedding … all of these are nice outcomes of being in a relationship, but none of them is exactly the purpose.

There is just so much you can do to facilitate your own personal growth alone. And the thing a romantic relationship will do for you in ways that nothing else can, is 10X your self-awareness, self-love and self-growth. But only if you let it.

The people who suffer in relationships, (and cause their partners to suffer alongside them), are the ones who think their partners are there to provide for their needs. They also think they can participate in one and remain the same as they were when they started. They’re the ones who spend a lot of time and energy trying to get their partner to change so they can feel better. It might sound like, “If you loved me you would…” or, “I need you to…” 

I don’t believe for one minute that someone else is supposed to give me what I need – I actually don’t believe it’s even possible. Needs aren’t things, like phone calls or text messages or even attention, they’re how we feel, like cherished and respected and loved, and because our own feelings come from our own thoughts, nobody else can give us our feelings, only we can do that. 

For you to thrive in a romantic relationship you need to figure out what you need and then how to provide it for yourself! And no, I’m not talking about taking actions like having intimate connections or sex outside of a committed partnership, I’m talking about learning exactly what the feelings are that you seek to feel that are driving those actions.

Do you believe that someone else ought to change their behavior in order for you to feel better? Okay, well then, tell me – how does that play out when someone else thinks you ought to change what you’re doing or saying so they can feel better? Yeah, I thought so.

Are you ready to make this the year you stop sabotaging your relationships?

Do so many of us sabotage our relationships because deep down inside we don’t want to be responsible for taking care of someone else’s needs? 

The answer for me is, absolutely! And if you feel the same that’s an even better reason to get a handle on how your needs – and everyone else’s – really work so you can stop working against the thing you really want and make 2021 the year you create that committed, romantic relationship you’ve been seeking for so long.

If you’re someone who:

• Expects a man to call or text you every morning and evening when you’ve just met
• Wants to be introduced to his friends and family after only a couple of dates
• Decides you’re ‘in a relationship’ after only a couple of dates

Ask yourself how you think you’ll feel when that thing happens. 

• How will you feel if a man calls or texts every morning and evening?
• How will you feel when you’re introduced to his family and friends?
• How will you feel when you’re really and truly in a relationship?

The feeling is what you’re after, fulfilling that feeling is your need – not whatever the thing is you think you want. 

Let’s say you feel loved when someone calls or texts you. It’s not just because of the communication, it’s because of the importance you give to it. But … how will you feel if the calls and texts stop coming?

If you don’t figure out what you really need and how to provide it for yourself, you are going to be focusing on the actions someone is taking rather than on the only question you need to be asking at the very beginning – do you like him?

What does God know about romance?

I know you think it’s hard to meet a good man. You also think that Covid has set your plans back by a year and you’re afraid you missed your chance to have the husband and family you’ve wanted for so long. Are you feeling a bit … impatient?

When you say your prayers at night what is it you seek? A good husband? A great father? An excellent provider? And what about his qualities – Considerable financial means? World Traveler? Commitment to a religion that is your own? Of course, if these qualities can be wrapped in a 6’2” frame with great hair and a killer smile, so much the better, right? That’s your ideal. Actually, that would be ideal. 

You’re impatient because you believe you’ve not yet met the man who checks all the many, many, boxes. And you’re getting a little …umm, tired … of people suggesting you might be too picky. Why shouldn’t you have a partner who has all the things you want? 

Be honest – are you offering a prayer or placing an order?

If God did know about romance, it would be different.

When you do go online and scan the profiles, what is it you find? Are there many men who check all the boxes? Nope. Often it seems there aren’t even any. Apparently the ones you seek do not exist and the ones seeking you are definitely not marriage material. How many times, in the stillness of the night, have you asked God, “Why?”

Why does it seem to happen for everyone else but you? Why are other women in beautiful partnerships with amazing men and you’re not? Why aren’t you ever attracted to the ones that pursue you? The nice ones are so boring, and the exciting ones aren’t very nice.

God (the Universe, the Law of Attraction) is presenting the same men to you as to all the rest of us. What is the lens through which you are viewing them? I find that when I stop being impatient and allow patience to have Her perfect work the world in which I live is more ideal. 

God governs time, not me. I’ve learned to look for the green flags, because when I only look for the red flags, when I keep repeating all the negative mantras – dating is hard and all men are this and no man wants that … that’s all I see. I’ve learned that men are people too, and to expect one to be all things is wrong of me, not of men. I’ve learned that no man is a perfect human, and yet there is a human man who is perfect for me. 

Maybe the question is, what does God know that I don’t?

I’ve had long term relationships, although I’ve never been married, mostly because I never wound up dating anyone I could see myself happily married to. The reasons for that are many, and I’ll explore them more throughout this journey, the point here is, since I transformed my thoughts about dating my results have been transformed as well. Each of the relationships I’ve had in the last 5 years has been better than the one before. 

I met a man online in September and as we’ve gone slowly through the maze of socially-responsible dating during a worldwide pandemic I experience his many qualities that beautifully align with my values and lifestyle desires; including acquiring a passport so we can traverse the streets of Paris together and embracing my religion because he had been seeking one for himself. We have a Want Match, and it’s a beautiful way to live! But hear me – he hadn’t had a passport since High School and he wasn’t already a member of the church in which I was raised, as a matter of fact he’d never heard of it.

So maybe God isn’t Amazon Prime. Maybe you don’t place an order and receive a delivery in 2 hours, pop open the box and find a man who is prepackaged with all the things you want because it’s you who are supposed to inspire him to find the experiences he needs.

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