Do You Need to Change Your Physical Circumstances to Have Everything Your Heart, Your Mind and Your Soul Desire? (Spoiler Alert – NO!)

I have a friend who thinks I’m nicer than she is. She’s told me that a couple of times when we’ve been discussing men. I don’t think it’s true.

This exchange usually takes place when we’ve been discussing what a man said or did and she’s adamant it’s because he intentionally wanted to cause some type of heartache. I’m equally adamant that since we don’t know for sure, it could just as well be true that he might have had no nefarious intention at all.

I’ve told her that I’m not nicer than her, I simply go out into the world looking for different evidence than she does.

I believe that men are people, and all people are inherently good, so I go out into the world looking for evidence to support my belief, and evidence ultimately means – the way I interpret the circumstances around me.

Right in this moment you have belief systems in place. You might have taken on the beliefs of people around you, maybe you created yours for yourself, and as you go about your day you interpret what you see in a way that will support what you already believe.

In other words, you aren’t believing what you see, you are seeing what you already believe. I don’t think men are inherently good because I meet more nice ones than you do, I meet more nice ones than you do because I already believe they exist. And it’s also about interpretation.

I meet all the same men you do, and some of the ones you don’t think are nice are ones I think are very nice. And it’s not because my standards are lower than yours.

It’s because my sights – and my thoughts – are set higher.

What if simply changing the way you’re seeing your world is the key to you creating the enriched romantic relationship you desire?

What would it be worth to you to find out how you’ve been unconsciously creating what you’ve got now and how you can consciously start to Have Fun Dating!

Doesn’t that sound better than NOT having fun dating? 😉

Do You Need to Change Your Physical Circumstances to Have Everything Your Heart, Your Mind and Your Soul Desire? (Spoiler Alert – NO!)

Come find out on this week’s Live! Friday, October 23 at 2PM pacific
https://www.facebook.com/HaveMoreLove/

#dating #romance #relationship #havemorelove

T.R.U.S.T.2

 

It took me a minute.

 

I thought, why would I jump for the air? I feel safe on the ground, not in the air worrying if I’ll land safely.

No, it says you jump for the moments in the air. Oh! The lift, the thrill of feeling free, the pure joy!

It takes a lot of trust, really. I would have to trust that I wouldn’t go crashing to the ground – or at the very least that if I did I would be able to get up, brush myself off and start again.

Have you had moments of feeling freedom in your relationships?

When have you been in a relationship, whether in the nascent stages of dating or months or years into a committed partnership, and felt free enough to truly trust? Or trusted enough to truly share?

When have you let go of worrying that something will go wrong and simply let yourself enjoy what life is trying to gift you in that moment? Ever?

Worrying that something bad will happen won’t stop it from happening, it will only stop you from enjoying all the time you’ve spent worrying.

Imagine if you’ve spent time worrying that something bad will happen and then … it doesn’t happen. And imagine that instead, something good happens. Sounds amazing, right?

Except, when you’re worried that something bad will happen, and you’re wasting that time that you could be enjoying the rest of your life, you’re not seeing any of the good that is happening. You’re blinding yourself to what’s really happening around you.

If you’re blind to what’s really happening around you how can you see it and hear it and feel it when the man you’re with is showing you every act and telling you every word and expressing every feeling that you’ve ever dreamed of?

What if TRUST is the key to you creating the enriched romantic relationship you desire?

What would it be worth to you to find out how to trust yourself so you can find and choose your right man?

How to Trust Yourself in the World With Your Most Precious Qualities –
Your Heart, Your Soul, Your Self!

Come find out on this week’s Live! Friday, October 16 at 2PM pacific
@HaveMoreLove https://www.facebook.com/HaveMoreLove/

#dating #romance #relationship

T.R.U.S.T.

Do you feel like you’re stuck in the drum of a washing machine on perpetual SPIN?

Humanity is suffering right now! We need to know Who? Where? How? When? What the f? to TRUST. And in this country in particular we’re trying to figure out who to trust for the next 4 years!!!

Who do you trust? Do you trust anyone at all? How did you learn how to trust? Ever take a class in that in school? If you’re anything like me that would be a NO.

And now let’s talk about trust in relation to relationships. Who do you trust? How do you trust? Where do you find him? How do you connect? When will it happen? You’ve tried it before, right? You trusted men who told you things they would do and promises they would keep and you weren’t very successful. What can you do to not f it up this time?

I was a very intuitive child. I felt things and saw things and understood so many things that no grownup would give a child credit for. I just knew… I thought of it as the little tickle at the back of my head.

But it wasn’t exactly accepted by others. An adult might believe you, but it can be very inconvenient for them to accept what you’re saying – especially if one of those things is that you see the crack in their mask.

And what they might do is try to make you think you’re wrong. They’ll try to make you question the validity of what you’re thinking and saying. Ultimately, they’re undermining the trust you have in yourself.

Now that you’ve been taught to not trust yourself, how will you go out into the world and trust others? Is it any wonder why you aren’t finding your right match?

You look around the world and see so many women just like you, snuggling in solitude with a quality man, and you are not even making a basic connection.

What if TRUST is the key to you creating the enriched romantic relationship you desire?

What would it be worth to you to find out how to trust a man?

What is it worth it to you to not have to figure it all out on your own?

I can help you with that right here: https://lenacoachsession.as.me/

#dating #romance #relationship

Are You Repeating Your Patterns in Love Again? Still? Let Yourself Get Off the Merry-Go-Round and Start Fresh!

Let’s talk about the ‘but…’

Last week I talked about patterns. No matter how aware we might be as people, we usually aren’t aware of what is at the root of what stops us from creating the things that we truly desire. Like doing the same thing in the same way and getting the same result over and over, even though we want something different. It’s a pattern that is a protective mechanism for sure, the way we don’t have to risk discovering something we think would cause discomfort or worse, shame.

What’s the reason for them? Where and how do they start and most important – how the heck can you break the pattern that keeps happening and start getting what you really, really want in your life? One way is to acknowledge that patterns don’t just ‘happen’ they are the result of your actions.

If you are someone who has always taken pride in figuring everything out for yourself, no matter how long it takes, then that’s not just a point of pride – that in itself is a pattern! Tricky, right? And that is a key to not figuring out your other patterns, because as much as we can know ourselves we can’t always see ourselves.

It just keeps happening.

Are you someone who has always lost yourself for the pursuit of love? Do you find yourself repeatedly in relationships in which you are the caregiver or you always end up doing whatever your partner wants to do and never what you want? You may have the belief that it’s ‘who you are.’ You may think that you only attract partners who are unable to take care of themselves or their finances or their relationships or those who are controlling, and yet …  

You are not simply attracting a type who you then ‘have to’ take care of or acquiesce to – you are making choices that you are not seeing as choices and this is where you are giving up your power. You are taking actions that you don’t understand how to control and repeatedly create the very outcome you want to avoid. The things you do are not who you are.

I can save you a whole lot of time. Time, it’s that thing you always wish you had more of! But only if you click here: https://lenacoachsession.as.me/

What do patterns have to do with power?

If you believe that you are just who you are, and you also believe that your experience of life is outside of your control these are two thought patterns that have diminished your power. And just like I always say – this is exciting news!

It’s exciting because it’s not your past partners or the structure of the relationships that caused you to lose yourself with no hope of recovery! Your not having control did not come from outside of you. It’s choices you were making and actions you were taking and when you learn how to make consciously different choices and take consciously different actions you will create a totally different outcome! 

Is something resonating with you but you don’t know how to put it into action? Click on this link to schedule your 20-minute free call with me.  https://lenacoachsession.as.me/

It’s not like anything I’ve ever heard before. It feels so wrong.

One of the patterns I used to have is that when I was in a relationship and I was happy with the person and could see potential for us down the road I would soon get a sense that something was very wrong. It didn’t feel like fear or intuition, it felt like dread. 

I wouldn’t talk to anybody, I wouldn’t ask anybody, I wouldn’t look it up and see if anybody beside me had ever had this feeling – I would just decide on my own that if it seemed wrong it must be wrong and I would quit. I’d either tell him flat out I didn’t want to go out anymore or I’d start acting in ways that would make him want to break up with me. (Another pattern I had was to date guys who eventually started treating me really badly so I would break up with them. Those are the ones who I fought to stay with.)

Notice I said I decided all these things on my own. Because in my twenties and thirties I had to figure out everything on my own. Because I couldn’t ask for help. Because … honestly, now I can’t imagine wasting as much time as I did, years and years of my life doing only as much as I knew in my own brain to do. But then it seemed vitally important. It was a point of pride to not ask for help, to not seek guidance from someone who’d been down the path at least a few steps ahead of me.

That pattern of pride cost me a lot of time and heartache and exhaustion. 

This is so exciting because it’s about you and for you right now! If you want your life to change you need to be willing to take one conscious step toward changing your life.

Here’s how I can help: Are you ready to actually have the relationship you want? Let’s do this! Click on this link to schedule your personal, 20-minute video call with me. You have nothing to spend and so much to gain: https://lenacoachsession.as.me/

 

Do You Feel Like Something Keeps Happening That Keeps You From Finding the Love You Desire? Do You Feel Like Something Keeps Happening That Keeps You From Finding the Love You Desire? Do You Feel Like Something Keeps Happening That Keeps You From Finding the Love You Desire?

Do You Feel Like Something Keeps Happening That Keeps You From Finding the Love You Desire? Do You Feel Like Something Keeps Happening That Keeps You From Finding the Love You Desire? Do You Feel Like Something Keeps Happening That Keeps You From Finding the Love You Desire?

Patterns, we all have them. And if they’re patterns that work for you, great!  But…

You are a very aware woman. You notice everything that happens around you; you see clearly all of the things that happen in the world; and they keep happening over and over and over again. These things happen to you and you know you can’t change them, right? It’s all the other people doing those things that will have to do the changing. 

It makes so much sense, doesn’t it? If something is happening to you, if something is coming from outside of you, how can you possibly have any control over it? That’s why it’s so frustrating, why you feel so hopeless about ever finding love, because your dating patterns are totally outside of your control! 

You only meet men who are unable to commit. Every guy you find attractive has serious financial woes. You certainly can’t control that every man you date is looking for a younger woman, can you?

You have a sinking suspicion that it might not be all about the men.

What if your dating pattern has more to do with you than with random chance or an entire world full of men? I know you might think I’m totally off base to suggest that, but hear me out.

I spent many years of my life repeating the same patterns in my dating. The main one was, I would be crazy about men who weren’t crazy about me. We’d go out a few times and then they’d say they didn’t want a long-term relationship. Or we’d go out for months and then they’d say they didn’t want to be exclusive, and I called them commitment-phobes. The funny thing was, each and every one of those commitment-phobes wound up getting married. Usually to the woman he met right after me!

When I thought about the pattern playing out in my life how could I keep up my story about it being the men’s fault when they acted totally different with other women? 

I finally realized I couldn’t. And by finally I mean it took me yeeeeeears! One day I had a heart-to-heart talk with myself. It wasn’t easy, as a matter of fact it was really uncomfortable. But I knew that if my life was ever going to be different something was going to have to change for me. For me, not to me.

What if, rather than things simply happening outside and around you, things keep happening because of something that is totally within your own control? That’s the most amazing good news!

I can save you a whole lot of time. Time, it’s that thing you always wish you had more of! But only if you click here:  https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/  

Let’s talk about fishing.

You probably believe that your experience of life is outside of your control. You might also believe that your thoughts about things come about after they’ve already happened. For example, if you had what you consider a ‘bad’ date with a man and he talked about fishing all night, you might think it was the fact that he talked about fishing that made it bad. You might even decide that you were so bored that you’ll never go out with another man who likes to fish. 

Considering the number of men online who talk about fishing, I think you’re narrowing the pool way too much – just sayin’!

You don’t think that he talked way too much about fishing because it was a bad date. It was a bad date because while he was talking you were thinking, fishing is boring, he’s boring, I’m bored – and you labeled it bad. And now you think you have to avoid men who fish, when in reality you have to change the way you think about them.

Is something resonating with you but you don’t know how to put it into action? Click on this link to schedule your 20-minute free call with me. https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/  

Even when the world shuts down your desires don’t.

Yes, even in the midst of worldwide uncertainty. Not only now, especially now. Every woman I know is taking stock of her life in this moment and saying, if not now when?

It’s time for you to put yourself first. You are a woman who has great dreams, hopes and desires and I am exactly the right person to work alongside you to help you achieve every single one of them!

This is it! This is so exciting because it’s about you and for you right now! If you want your life to change you need to be willing to take one small step toward changing your life.

Here’s how I can help: Are you ready to actually have the relationship you want? Let’s do this! Click on this link to schedule your personal, 20-minute video call with me. There’s absolutely no charge to you, and you have so much to gain: https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/  

 

Taylor Swift Makes Love Look the Way She Wants it to. What’s Yours?

Do you think being married and living in a house with a white picket fence means you have love?

I did. And the weird thing is, I don’t even like white picket fences. I love stone and adobe for the sense of solidness and permanence and nature that they project. Pickets always strike me as flimsy and fake. Why would I have spent so many years equating something I saw as unsubstantial and unnatural as the representation of love?

Because it was the story I was told, and being a good girl, an excellent student, I learned what I was taught and did what I was told. Have you been an excellent student all your life too?

My life changed the day I realized that I got to decide what love looks like for me. I can have all the love in my life that I desire, because I choose it, actively – I don’t wait for it to come to me in the form of someone else’s story. I get to write my own story and go out and create it.

What does love really look like to you?

Is Prince Charming the man of your dreams? 

There are Princes William and Daniel and Frederik and Albert, but I’ve never heard of a real, live, breathing, walking, talking prince named Charming – and yet he was my model for husbandliness for so long!

I think he was so attractive because he didn’t do any of those things. He didn’t breathe, so he couldn’t snore. He didn’t walk, so I wouldn’t have to follow 10 steps behind. He didn’t talk so he couldn’t ever disagree with me! Since he isn’t real my life would have been a complete fantasy. And so would yours.

But I finally realized that’s exactly what my life was. Instead of being in a loving, committed, enriched romantic relationship with a real man who was my right match, I was alone with my fantasy that the perfect man exists somewhere and I just hadn’t found him – yet. 

If you’re like me, you’ve gone out on dates with men who weren’t perfect and decided that they weren’t for you because of that. But here’s the thing, all real men are, well, real. They’re all human. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned it’s that humans are perfectly imperfect. I like to think it’s part of our charm! 

I want to help you create the enriched romantic relationship you desire – for real. And part of that will involve you embracing a man’s quirks and imperfections. For you to meet your right match you get to decide for yourself what makes him Mr. Right instead of all the reasons you think he’s wrong.

Here’s one way to do that – think of all the little quirks and imperfections you may not appreciate about yourself, but that your friends tell you make you quintessentially you.

And then consider that a man’s quirks and imperfections are the things that make him quintessentially him. You are not like any other woman in the world and it’s those little things that make you so unique. Would you rather continue to be alone with your fantasy of perfection or be with a man who has his own unique charms?

Something really useful in order for you to embrace a man’s imperfections is to first embrace your own. What do you think about that?

Is something resonating with you but you don’t know how to begin to put it into action? Click on this link to schedule your 20-minute free call with me. https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/  

Have you ever allowed yourself to decide what love looks like to you?

I’ll admit I have had to work at this. It hasn’t come with a snap of the fingers or a blink of an eye for me to fully own my vision for my life, for my home, for what love looks like to me. And now that I have, I can have more love in my life than I’ve ever had before. And I do.

I think that you probably already have a good idea of what you want in your life and you have created at least some parts of it already. Perhaps you’ve got a successful career, a loving family, a healthy lifestyle, but you feel a lack in your romantic relationships that you’d like to fill. In order to not only fill it, but fulfill yourself in it, it will be most helpful for you to see it clearly and then go toward it.

I can help you know what love looks like to you and then go out and get it. But only if you click here:  https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/  

This is it! This is so exciting because it’s about YOU! If you want your life to change you need to be willing to take one small step toward changing your life.

Here’s how I can help: Are you ready to have more love? Let’s do this! Click on this link to schedule your personal, 20-minute video call with me. There’s absolutely no charge to you, and you have so much to gain: https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/ 

Oprah Didn’t Wait Until She Was Skinny to Start Loving Herself. That’s Why She’s Oprah. Stop Weighting.

Are you convinced that the minute you fit back into those jeans it’ll be love at first sight?

And I don’t mean only that you’ll love your body, maybe you believe that when you’re skinny you’ll even love yourself. Do you believe that you have to lose weight before that can happen? 

It makes so much sense, doesn’t it? I mean, if you’re unhappy now, and you don’t love yourself, and you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see, it would seem that when you finally like what you see in the mirror it will be love at first sight!

Have you ever had a car you absolutely loved? Did you take really good care of it? Did you get it washed and waxed and detailed? Did you park it under cover from the sun, and out of the rain?

Did you love it because you took good care of it, or did you take good care of it because you already loved it?

I think you probably took good care of it because you loved it – and that’s the way it has to work for you to make a major change for yourself. Just like that song we used to sing as children – first comes love. Whether it’s marriage or a baby carriage – or losing the weight you want to lose so you can stop waiting to live the life you want to live, it really is true that it won’t make the love happen, you must love yourself to make it happen.

If you want to make a change and you just don’t know how to start let’s talk.  https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/  

There’s a reason it hasn’t worked … yet. 

Did someone tell you a long time ago that in order to accomplish something it has to be hard on you? Were you raised with, “No pain no gain,” or “No guts no glory”? Or maybe you think you need to be hard on you. Do you believe you need to be punished for not looking a certain way?

Well, let’s think about this for a second. If you’ve been punishing yourself for not losing weight and you still haven’t lost weight, maybe punishing yourself really isn’t the key to your success.

As a matter of fact, I can guarantee you it isn’t. You are not incapable, or weak, or lacking in will-power – and you’re certainly not too old to lose weight! Let’s put that lie to rest forever. You’ve been given some very bad information. Whoever it was who told you that you had to punish your way to weight loss was woefully misinformed.

I’m sorry. 

And I want to help you create the results you desire rather than continuing to create the results you’ve been creating that aren’t bringing you joy.

Is something resonating with you but you don’t know how to begin to put it into action? Click on this link to schedule your 20-minute free call with me. https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/  

Be willing to take one small step toward changing your weight and the way you feel about you!

Here’s how I can help: Are you ready to stop beating the crap out of yourself and love the crap out of you instead? Let’s do this! Click on this link to schedule your personal call with me. https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/ 

You Wouldn’t Know a Green Flag if it Bit You on the … Nose!

You Don’t See the Red Flags Until You’re Drowning in Them 

If you have been in a relationship for a few weeks, months or years and then are ‘suddenly’ confronted by a man who is nothing like the one you thought you knew, you are missing the red flags that have been waving all along the way.

Whether it was something they said or did – action – or the way they said or did it – behavior – or the fact that their words didn’t match their actions – hello, that’s called lying – there was something you didn’t see or chose to ignore.

I’ve heard that if, after a relationship ends, you go back through your memory bank, you’ll realize that the ultimate cause of the breakup originally came up within the first two weeks of dating. 2 weeks! 

All the Men You Meet Are Red Flag Traps 

Have you not been in any kind of relationship for a really long time because you only meet men who wave one red flag after another? Do you have a hard time believing that a truly nice, stable, balanced, loving man exists?

If you perceive every action, every behavior – every look, shrug, txt or lack of response – as a problem, an indication of trouble ahead and you have to bail out now to save yourself, well then, you will never be able to create any kind of connection with any man – and relationships are about connection.

Rather than writing him off from the start, allow yourself to entertain the possibility that he is being honest, that he has both of your best interests at heart and that he is doing the best he can in the moment – until you get enough information so that you can draw a valid, useful conclusion that might lead you to believe otherwise. Look at the patterns, and remember that at the very, very beginning of meeting someone – you don’t have a pattern to draw from.

If you want to make a change and you just don’t know how to start let’s talk.  https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/  

Red Flag, Green Flag, You, Yourself, Him 

My clients and I talk a lot more about green flags than red ones. They know that when they’ve had a first phone call, or been on a first date with someone new, I’m going to ask them to tell me 3 things they liked about him. And it can be anything at all.

Maybe you like his eyes, or his clothes or the restaurant he chose. And maybe you then go on in this vein and realize you laughed together, had so many things in common that your conversation flowed and you could easily talk for hours more!

Actively seeking what you like on a date, what you like about a man, is looking for the green flags. This conscious action moves you forward into feeling more comfortable and having fun and when you have fun on a date it’s much more likely that you’ll both want to see each other again. 

Is something resonating with you but you’re feeling weird about taking action? Click on this link to schedule your 20-minute free call with me. https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/  

Be willing to take one small step to propel yourself into the loving partnership you desire!

Here’s how I can help: Do you want to have more love in your life, especially full-on, joyous romantic love and you don’t know how to start? Click on this link to schedule your personal call with me. https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/