Are these 3 things holding you back from having more love?


what's holding you back, relationships, dating, inaction, love, romance, marriage

Today I’m feeling so much love for you because you are just like I was. You are single, maybe never been in what you consider a “real” relationship, and you want that more than anything else in the world! 

Maybe you want to be married, maybe not. Maybe you want to have children, maybe not. Maybe you love your work but realize it can’t give you the warmth, the joy, the ultimate fulfillment you seek because those qualities come from relationships with people, not projects. You want to give and receive affection, joy, respect and love and you deserve it! And you’re exhausted, depleted and sad sitting on the sidelines feeling that love is passing you by.

Please don’t believe the people who say they have the answer to your question, the solution to your problem. You are a unique individual and deserve to be seen and understood in your uniqueness. There is not one answer for you, although there may be one idea that strikes a chord, that sparks a flame within you – follow it!

If any of the following ideas resonate for you, please delve deeper! Don’t just say, oh, and move on to the business news – have more love! Figure out what’s holding you back from having the love you desire and then go create it.

If you’re doing one of these three things, you may be stopping yourself from making the connection you crave with a high-quality man.

Spending every moment of your free time with your family and friends

You love your family! A weekly dinner with your mom and babysitting your nieces and nephews so your sister and her hubby can have their weekly date night are just two ways you express it. Add all the times you volunteer to help a friend with a garage sale or paint her spare bedroom on the way to babysit those nieces and nephews and there goes your whole Saturday, right?

Sunday is either brunch with the girls or church in the morning and some well-earned you-time, and between the babysitting and the unlimited mimosas you crawl into bed on Sunday night and wake up Monday morning wondering how another weekend has gone by without a date. 

Ask yourself – What’s in it for me? What are you gaining by supporting other people’s life goals and not leaving yourself enough time or energy to support your own? Is it possible that you have grown so accustomed to identifying as the one who supports all the people you love that you can’t allow yourself to risk changing your identity?

Ask yourself – How can I start to change the way I see myself? Can you learn to identify as someone who supports all the people you love and expand that definition to include yourself? If you do that, then in addition to spending time with your family, you might also spend some time going out to a place where you can interact socially with potential partners or peruse online dating sites or apps.

Spending every moment of your free time catching up with your favorite shows

You love your stories! You insist on knowing who’s doing what to whom at all times, but let’s think about this logically. If you want to be married in the real world, why are you spending so much time in the virtual one? 

After my dad passed away I felt bereft. He’d been living near me for the 7 years after my mom passed away and he was the focus of my time and attention; weekly errands and dinner and then, daily visits at the hospital and rehab center. I remember the first Friday night after he passed I was literally wandering around my apartment not knowing what to do with myself. I turned on the TV and found the Friday night lineup of old British sitcoms. 

They became my replacement family, and for close to a year I kept my Friday night dinner date with them. That was then; for you now it might be binge-watching Netflix or Prime, or Hulu, or YouTube or Brit Box or … There are so many choices we could all stay home forever! And my goodness, you can get them on your phone, so you don’t even have to be at home to visit, you can tune in wherever you are – and miss the chance to talk to the handsome man standing in the checkout line at the grocery store. Because you literally do not see him.

It gives you a sense of belonging, they’ve become like family, after all, so it makes total sense that you do it – although continuing to do it is taking away so much time and energy that you might be directing toward having more … let’s call it warm love, interactive love, living, breathing, real love.

What can you do about it? Stop. Just stop. At home, instead of turning on the TV or popping open your laptop, look out the window, notice if a neighbor is outside and go talk to them. Standing in a line, keep your phone in your purse. Tune in to your actual surroundings; take in the weather, the people, the conversations and music around you.

And when that handsome man in the checkout line asks you to hold his place because he needs to get one more thing, look him straight in the eye, smile and say, I’m happy to! 

Hoping that someday your prince will come

Maybe you believed all the people throughout your life who told you to “Just live your life, do what you like, and he’ll appear when the time is right.” I always say you have to have hope as a noun, you can’t use hope as a verb. If literally all you’re doing is hoping you are not serving your highest good, nor are you moving yourself any closer to the enriched romantic relationship you desire. 

I used to take that kind of inactive advice to heart, and coupled with hearing I was supposed to, “wait upon the Lord” I was doing a lot of waiting and hoping. What I wasn’t doing was dating.

Why do we take some advice so literally, and not act, even when we know the clock is ticking and inaction is not getting us what we want? Because it lets us off the hook. If you post your pics and profile on a dating site and you don’t get a lot of positive reactions you might have to admit that something about your profile or pics isn’t attracting men. And then you’d have to really commit to doing the work to figure out what it is so you can correct it. If you don’t sign up at all you get to stick to your story that no men your age want women your age.

If you want to be married and you’re not, stop waiting and hoping and start swiping and dating. And if it’s overwhelming to do it alone, call me.

This is your life. Your marital status is up to you.

#datingandrelationships #midlifemarriage #datingat50 #marriedat50 #marriedat40 #midlifedating #onlinedating  #havemorelove

Relationships: What do You Believe is Possible?

Dating, Relationships, Beliefs, Time, Now

Dating and Your Romantic Beliefs

Romantic Relationships – Why You?

Because you are 100% worthy and tired of wasting time. Because you’ve spent your whole life taking care of other people’s needs and being commended for it, but not celebrated for it. Women are celebrated when they’re engaged then married then have children and their children graduate and get good jobs and then get married and have their own children. You are not celebrated for dropping what you’re doing and taking care of your parents or siblings or staying late at work every, single. night. You are only expected to do it. And you’re expected to be available to help the women who are married and have children, whether they’re your business associates or your family members. 

You’re also not celebrated for creating business success, still, to this day, because you haven’t found a man to take care of you. Do you sometimes feel like the only way you’ll ever be celebrated is to create your own family, be in your own relationship with your own children? Do you want that? You’re allowed to really want that.

Respect. Love, Inclusion. Celebration. To feel a part of a whole and good about yourself instead of always feeling like you’re lacking a key component. You want to feel good instead of never good enough. 

If this is what you want, click here and learn one thing you can start doing today that will change your idea of dating for good!

Romantic Relationships – Why Lena?

In these days of trying to make lifelong connections online while staying socially-distanced, (how can that even happen?) dating feels more like an off-road trek than a stroll in the park. And because I’ve been where you are I’ll give you a personalized roadmap so you can stay focused on your journey and reach the pinnacle without all the time-wasting detours you’ve already encountered trying to reach your heart’s desire. 

You need to coach with me because I’ve been single all my life; I know how it is to not know how to date successfully – and I know exactly what it takes to course-correct. I know how it is to give your heart and your time to the wrong man over and over. I know how it is to not be celebrated. Just like you. 

I’ve been dating all through this time of being sheltered in place and socially distanced and just, for heaven’s sake, wanting to feel the old normal, and I’m now in a loving, respectful, supportive, enriched, committed relationship with my rightest match ever and you can be, too! 

I’m an expert in figuring out exactly what you need to start having a lot more fun dating. Click here to get the first thing:

Romantic Relationships – Why Now?

Because you really want to have a family and don’t believe you have a lot of time left to wait. You can’t face another year in pain like this, year after year seeing all your nieces and nephews getting married for heaven’s sake! 

Because you’ve been thinking about all the ways you can possibly have children, thoughts about eggs and cutoff times and expense and invasiveness and adoption. Please tell yourself the truth. You don’t really want to raise a child alone. You’re done doing everything alone and you just want to feel like everybody else, dammit!

You need tools, techniques, accountability and a safe space to learn it all! And when you’ve implemented the things you’ll learn, you’ll have the relationship you want with your right match; the man who commits to you, the man who gets you and loves you for all your quirks, not in spite of them; the man who adores, cherishes, loves, protects and provides for you. 

I can help you date differently than you ever have before which will ultimately lead to the outcomes you want – spending your time in a relationship with your right match rather than wasting time trying to get all the wrong men to make a commitment. Oh, and btw, you’ll have fun while you’re doing it, which is so much better than the way you’ve been doing it.

If you haven’t figured it out on your own yet, what do you think will change if you keep trying? Try this:

#havemorelove #havefundating #singleandspiritual #lovedating #lovemakeovers #datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating

Romantic Relationships – Reasons Why Not


If the only reason you can’t is because you never have

See this sea of roses? It reminds me of what my life is like since I met my boyfriend. 

We met online, and in deference to there being shelter-in-place orders in effect we took it slow. We messaged, we spoke, we video-chatted, we went for a walk around the lake. He said he’d like to see me again and I said yes. And when he asked what I’d like to do on what would be our first official date I mustered all my courage and said … 

There’s this piece of furniture I want to refinish, would you please help me with that?

Not only did he say yes, he showed up with all the tools we’d need and a dozen roses!

And he’s been bringing me flowers ever since.

There was a time in my life when I said, I can’t have the kind of relationship I want because if it was meant to happen it would have by now.

And then I sabotaged every relationship with every man who came even close to being what I wanted. 

I said I can’t so I didn’t. So then I got to be right about it never having happened.

Dating was really, really hard because I made it that way. Eventually I realized my way wasn’t working and I hired a coach who helped me see how I was creating what I said rather than what I wanted. My coach showed me all the things I was doing to stand in the way of my own happiness, and I learned how to kick those habits to the curb and experience the joy I saw other women having.

Do you want to keep being right or do you want to roll in a bed of roses? You really do get to choose! And when you’re ready to create what you want to happen rather than what you say will happen, hiring a coach will get you there much more quickly than you trying to figure it out on your own. Think of me as your GPS for dating! 

If you’re really ready, get on a 20-minute discovery call with me and find out how to get from where you are now to where you want to be:

If the only reason you won’t is because you never did

How much of a risk-taker are you? If I said I was going hot air ballooning or parasailing tomorrow, or to Morocco next month, would you jump right up and say, take me with you! 

I’ve never considered myself much of a risk-taker, especially when it comes to physical activities, although I have gone hot air ballooning and parasailing and when my friend told me she was going to Morocco in a month I heard the words, take me with you! coming out of my mouth before I realized I’d even thought them. And she did.

Morocco was exotic and amazing and ballooning and parasailing were both pure, joyous fun! I checked them off the list on two consecutive birthdays.

That was after the birthday when I got my tattoo. 

For years I wanted a tattoo, and I could never settle on what it would be. I decided and then changed my mind dozens of times. I also wondered where I’d go to get it. Then one day I wandered into a tattoo shop and started talking to this artist who I liked immediately. I liked her work, too, and I walked out with her card and a new determination.

After years of indecision, within a few weeks I knew exactly what I wanted to live with for the rest of my life and I got it done. I could have said I won’t do it. I could have kept looking for the perfect idea for the rest of my life. Instead, I made up my mind and it all came together perfectly. As if it was meant to be … 😉

If you’re not in the relationship you want it’s not because you haven’t found the right person yet. You haven’t found the right person yet because you’re not determined enough to figure out what’s stopping you. Lucky for you, I am an expert at figuring out what’s stopping you!

Let’s get on a free 20-minute video call together so you can discover what’s keeping you from finding him and what to do about it:

You need to have a better reason not to

Whether you’re like I was and think you somehow don’t deserve to have what you desire or you won’t do what you need to do to make it happen, the result is the same – you’re not in the relationship you really, really want. Isn’t it time to figure out why? 

What rational reason is there for you to keep holding yourself back? 

Do you think it will be hard? You do hard things every day.

Do you think it will be painful? You feel the pain of not having a partner now.

Creating the enriched romantic relationship you crave, having a partner who shows up for you in every way you’ve ever wished for and in many ways you’ve never imagined, isn’t hard. It isn’t beyond you. It isn’t the domain of every other woman on the planet except you. And just like my tattoo, finding out how you’re standing in your own way doesn’t have to cause you pain.

When you’re ready to create a different outcome in your dating and relationships than the one you keep getting on your own, DM me or leave a comment so we can talk!

Discover why he’s not here yet and what you can do about it. Click on the link and schedule your free call: