Category: Mindset

Love, Dating, Marriage and Really Knowing What You Want

Posted on Categories Love and Marriage, Mindset

angel wings, love, relationships, marriage, knowing what you want

 

Love and Really Knowing vs. Really Wanting

Now that the cacophony of “The First Week of the New Year 🎉🎉🎉” has let off its steam it’s time to take stock. Is the plan you decided on in December going to lead you into the committed romantic relationship you really want?

I use that phrase a lot – the romantic relationship you really want, the supportive partnership you really want, the marriage you really want, but here’s what I’ve been thinking about this new January – 

There’s a huge difference between really wanting something and really knowing what you want.

Do you know for sure that you want to be married, or to be a partner in a committed relationship? That may seem like an odd question, but …

Are you certain that this dream isn’t something other people in your life want for you, or something you think you ought to want because “everybody else” has it?

How do you know what you want in love?

Ask yourself, “What do I really want for my love, for my life? 

Now wait quietly. 

How does it feel in your body – particularly in the pit of your stomach? Do you feel determined or a little nervous? That’s good; feeling very nervous is even better! Why? Because your ultimate love relationships and happiness are important and worth it!

If you’re not getting a clear sensation, ask yourself this, “What do I really want for this time in my love and my life?”

Because here’s another secret of the Universe – as you evolve your desires can as well. You’re not twenty anymore, and you don’t have to keep going after the desire you had when you were.

Yes, I do know what I want in love.

If your body is telling you, yes, you do want a romantic relationship with a high quality man who makes you feel cherished, desired and loved, are you really ready to do what it takes to create it? 

Doing what it takes is going to involve allowing all your feelings, especially nervous or scared, unsure and even out of control – and if that’s why you’ve stopped yourself in the past, please allow me to guide you on your journey. Start out simply – read my posts on social media: https://www.instagram.com/havemorelove/     https://www.facebook.com/HaveMoreLove

I can’t promise that “You Will Meet the Man of Your Dreams in 30 days 🎉” (Please do yourself a favor and run from anyone who does promise you this.)

I can only promise that your experience of yourself, your relationships, your life, will be changed for the better forever.

Thrive in Love! Step 3, Voila!

Posted on Categories Love and Marriage, Manifestation, Mindset

relationships, dating, love, romance, manifesting, mindset, marriage

You’re in the home stretch! You’ve been reveling in what you created in the last year and learning how to enable the coming one to deliver what you most desire! The way to do that is use what you’ve learned for the good of your future relationship. 

This part of the 3-step process, adapted from Marie Forleo’s Year in Review is when you get to decide what you no longer need to carry with you. See the thing that has been stopping you from creating the enriched romantic relationship you truly desire with the high-quality man you deserve – and let it go! 

Marie provides the Q’s, I create the structure for you to take it into the realm of dating so you can discover your most useful A’s.

Ready? Set? GO!

1) What is one limiting story you’re going to let go of?

What do you believe, how do you behave, what has happened in the past? Is carrying forward your beliefs, behaviors, and history useful to you? You see it as a part of you, something so familiar it’s like your most comfy pair of slippers. They’re fabulous companions while walking the floors on a cold winter’s night but are comfy slippers useful when you set out to hike Mount Everest? No. 

What if you’re stuck because there’s something you decided long ago that you ought to do and just haven’t? 

Continuing to believe you ought to have or do the thing you wanted 10 years ago is just as limiting as continuing to do the thing that no longer serves your desires now.

That’s why you need this process – to make it apparent to you that if you want to create a different outcome in dating, relationships, and love, you have to be willing to be different than the way you’ve been single.

Me? This is the year I stop thinking I ought to have already learned how to speak French. That’s it, I’m done. Why? Because that thought “I should have done this already” keeps cropping up in every other area of my life and manifests as a constant chorus of, “what’s wrong with me, I’m lazy, if I haven’t already I never will…”  

2)  How can you relate it to romantic relationships?  

Would you wear a dress on a date that you loved when you bought it ten years ago, even if it doesn’t fit you well now? Then why would you keep thinking a thought or displaying a behavior that doesn’t suit who you are or help you achieve what you want now? 

Have you had an experience in your past where someone you trusted turned out to be very different from the way you thought he was and ever since then you don’t trust men?

If you believe you can’t trust men, and you believe trusting them will hurt you, and you believe the problem is outside of you – it’s the men – you won’t be able to create a different result because you will continue to act in ways you think protect you. 

The thing is, though, relationships consist of connection between two people, and true connection involves intimacy, and intimacy is attained through vulnerability on both your parts, and to feel vulnerable you’re going to have to trust – yourself and him.

Refusing to trust men doesn’t keep you safe, it keeps you separate, and staying separate is not the route to love and marriage.

3) How can you break this pattern that’s keeping you from love?

Whether it’s a belief or a behavior, once you’ve left it by the side of your relationship road you’ll see how it was getting in your way because you’ll begin to feel a sense of ease around dating and all your relationships!

It’s taken me a long time to fully understand that whether the thing is meeting a new man or learning a new skill, if I believe I ought to already know how to be perfect with it, or I ought to have already done it that doesn’t make me want to run toward it, it makes me want to run away.

If you’re someone who has never dated, how can you enjoy yourself if you believe you ought to already have been in a relationship? If you’ve never sustained a relationship past the first few dates, how can you know how to nurture your love into 6 months, or 12 or more? You can’t and telling yourself that “everyone else does” isn’t the way to create self-confidence.

Whether you follow the words of Rumi and “Be like a tree and let the dead leaves drop” or Elsa and, “Let it go!” try it, what do you have to lose? 

If that thought or thing really is like an old friend and you miss it too much, you can always pick it up again where you left off. 

A happy, safe, peaceful New Year to you! ❤️

The gift of love doesn’t come in a box!

Posted on Categories Manifestation, Mindset

 

We’re living in a time of so much possibility and opportunity. And it’s your time to create the romantic transformation in your life that you so deeply desire.

You don’t want just an average guy and an ordinary relationship, so you know it’s not about setting resolutions and then waiting and hoping. 

To create your best life, you need to set yourself up to manifest an enriched romantic relationship with a high-quality man – the kind you want and deserve. That takes a process, and I’ve adapted mine from Marie Forleo’s Year in Review. She provided the original 3 Q’s, and for your richest results, I’ve expanded on them for greater insight into your real A’s.

Let’s continue with a deep dive into the second question. Whether you are working each step week by week or waiting to sit down and do it all together, for optimum enjoyment create an environment that you find lovely and luxurious and feeds your imagination and soul.

1) What mistakes did I make that taught me something?

The most important part of that question is – THAT TAUGHT ME SOMETHING. Really. This is not an opportunity to become fixated on what didn’t go per your plan and beat yourself up over it.

One of the most powerful ways to create positive change in your life is to have a firm grasp on how you arrived at the point you’re at now – that’s how you’ll learn what you need to do. 

When you try to change a situation without knowing which of your actions are or aren’t creating your desired results, you might be changing something that is working, and that’s just counter-productive. 

After you’ve made a list of the experiences that carried a lesson, decide which one has the most fuel for you to work from right now and ask – what is one mistake I made and the lesson I learned? 

2)  How can you relate it to romantic relationships?

Know one mistake you made this past year and the lesson you learned from it? Now take it and apply it to a romantic situation. Here’s how:

I was co-hosting a series of workshops with another coach who told me she wanted to cut back on them to make room for other things. She never said she wanted to stop. There were options to keep them going, but at some point, I decided that she didn’t want to do them anymore.

I started to pull back. In the last workshop I didn’t announce the one that was coming up. I had a thought about something she’d said and started to act in opposition to the outcome I wanted. The upshot was the workshop series ended because of me.

I can’t tell you how many times in budding romantic relationships I created this outcome. A man would say something that I decided meant he didn’t really want to be with me, and I started to act in ways that ended the possibility of going forward.

What about you? What assumptions are you making, actions are you taking, that are creating the polar opposite outcome in your romantic relationships from the one you desire?

How are you keeping yourself from love?

3) How can you break this pattern that’s keeping you from love?

The first step to not repeating your past is owning your present. Don’t shy away from seeing what is really happening and the part you play in it.

The patterns you experience in your life aren’t originating in the men you meet or the situations you encounter. Your patterns don’t come from outside yourself, they come from you repeating your old thoughts that have become beliefs, and then acting on those beliefs.

Here’s your gift – it’s very simple to change the things that need to change to ensure you create the outcomes you desire! Since nothing is coming from outside yourself, all of this is well within your control. 

You have the ability to create the enriched romantic relationship, the marriage, the family – the joy – you really, really want!

To Thrive in Love is the Gift!

Posted on Categories Mindset

relationships, love, dating, starting, thriving, being ready, marriage

How will 2022 be different for you?

Please know this – no matter your relationship history, experience or age, and especially if coming to the end of another year is adding stress – you are in the perfect place at the perfect time right now. 

Together let’s use the next 3 weeks to set you up to experience great joy in dating in the New Year. It’s not just about setting resolutions, it’s about setting yourself up to manifest enriched romantic relationships. That takes a process, and I’ve adapted mine from Marie Forleo’s Year in Review. She provides the Q’s, I suggest how you can discover the real A’s.

Get a clear handle on where you are now. If you want more joy in your romantic relationships, give yourself the attention you deserve; luxuriate in thoughts of these last few months and ponder these first 3 questions:

1) What did you do last year that you’re proud of?

Set aside an indulgently-long chunk of time to think back to all you’ve accomplished. This isn’t the time to rehash past mistakes or regret missed opportunities – seek only the good! 

Choose the prettiest journal and pen, brew a fragrant, delicious pot of tea, sit down in your comfiest chair, pull up a soft blanket and luxuriate in the last 12 months like you’re soaking in a warm bath full of silky bubbles. 

Now, let your thoughts wander to all the good – and trust me, there was good last year, even amidst all the trials.

What did you create? What did you enjoy, what did you learn, how did you grow? 

It might not even be things that you set out intentionally to accomplish, just ask yourself – what went well – and then when you’ve got that fabulously loooong list ask – of all these possibilities, what am I proud of?

2)  How can you relate it to romantic relationships? 

Out of my entire list, the thing I’m proud of is – I cooked for our Neighbors’ Friendsgiving celebration. Why in the world is that the thing I’m most proud of?

It’s been ten years since I’ve cooked a turkey and I remember how afraid I was then because I undercooked it at first and had to put it back in the oven when everyone was already at the table.

That fear threatened to derail me, the voice in my head suggesting this time would of course be a repeat of the last. I didn’t know what I was doing, I’d done it wrong, wrong, wrong and what could possibly be different now? 

How can I relate this to romantic relationships? When you’ve had interactions with men that didn’t go the way you’d hoped, whether they were dates, relationships or simply early-stage chats, it’s easy to start to believe that’s the entire story of your romantic journey.

It’s easy to let the disappointment you felt then resurface now, and that disappointment will affect the way you show up just the way my fear at first affected my willingness and ability to cook a turkey.

Know that you are the mistress of your own destiny and that your past does not dictate your future. Declare each man you meet unique, consciously choose to not compare him to anyone else you’ve ever met. Look for the green flags.

3) How can you break this pattern that’s keeping you from love?

Two things I know for certain are, your past only dictates your future when you let it, and you don’t get what you want, you usually get what you expect. You have got to find a way to create a belief about dating that is based, not on the disappointments of your past, but on the possibilities of your future.

So, how did I do it differently this time? 

I got professional help. I researched instructions from reputable chefs. I made sure I had the oven set to the right temperature and continued to monitor it the entire time. I used a good thermometer. I prayed and coached myself through it with the support of a dear friend. It turned out delicious and all was well.

The only way to break a pattern is to stop doing whatever it is that you’re doing that isn’t working. You may think you know what that thing is, but chances are great that you don’t. Like with me and the turkey – I would have told you it was my lack of experience in cooking since I’d only done it once.

Sound familiar? Do you think it’s your lack of experience with men or dating that’s holding you back and if you just keep putting yourself out there someday it will all just magically click?

Magical thinking only works in fairy tales. If you want to create real change in your real romantic relationships, you need to learn how to do what you don’t yet know how to do. 

What Love Are You Gifting Yourself?

Posted on Categories Mindset

Marriage, Love, Romance, Romantic Relationships, Dating, Commitment, Personal Responsibility

I know this about you – you take personal responsibility really seriously. As a matter of fact, that’s probably one of the items on your Uniquely Essential Qualities List (UEQ’s).

There’s just so far you can evolve yourself on your own and if you’re stuck you need to move your skills from theory into practice. As with driving, there’s a time to move from the learner’s manual to the highway. If you want to uplevel your relationships, you need other persons to play with – dates, and eventually, a partner.

Jerry Maguire might have said, “You complete me” but in real life relationships, people don’t meld into each other. What we do is meld our two selves into one partnership while keeping our personal identities intact. Think about that. If you’ve never liked the idea of losing yourself or becoming a different person for love – you’re doing it right!

So, how do you know what part is your responsibility? Once you figure it out, give yourself the gift of knowing what to do about it!

1) How does this apply to me?

I take it to the extreme sometimes, but you have to learn to embrace the question.

If a man is not seeming to be in integrity, how can I see places where I’m not in integrity? If he is not standing up for all his principles, where am I not standing up for all my principles? 

Do you continually meet men who do not want to commit to you? And do you believe that ‘men don’t want to commit?’ Where in your life are you not committing and following through? I know you don’t believe me, but this is exactly what’s happening. 

This is what it means when we say we attract who we are.

2)  How am I impeding my own love? 

Demanding certainty is keeping you from going all in on the dating process. And not going all in on dating is what’s keeping you from meeting the man who will one day be your rightest love match. 

Here’s the way this may play out – you engage with very few men via messaging, deciding early on in the interactions none of them is right for you. Or, you have a bunch of short phone or video chats or go on a bunch of first dates, and decide none of them is right for you. Deciding is the way you create certainty, because even though you’re not getting what you say you want – a relationship that grows into marriage – at least you know what you’ll get – you get to be certain that the budding relationship will end and that you will remain alone. In other words, you get to feel comfort in the familiar. 

You must allow yourself to feel the discomfort of not knowing whether or not he’s the one, or if he thinks you’re the one for him, or as I prefer to call it – you must develop a willingness to wonder.

3) What’s really stopping me from finding my true love?

Have you had experiences with men who turned out to be very different from who you thought they were? If so, maybe you think not knowing how to trust men is what really scares you about dating. If you have you may believe that you can’t ever trust any man again, and that this decision will keep you safe.

But here’s the real truth that I don’t hear a lot of people talking about – this decision never to trust a man again won’t keep you safe, it will only keep you separate, and the person you need to learn to trust is yourself.

I’ll beat the drum again for loving yourself, because when you truly love yourself you evolve to trust yourself. The reason you have to trust yourself is when you don’t, you second guess absolutely everything you do and it holds you back, it keeps you stuck, from moving forward into the relationship you want. 

Trust you will see what you need to see, know what you need to know, choose and take action to care for yourself and your most precious relationship – the one you have with yourself. 

Once you can trust yourself to take care of your needs you’ll know how, when and if to trust other people – men included.

This is how you learn to not simply live at the effect of the world, this is how you become responsible for your results in your entire life.

Expectation is a Gift of Love!

Posted on Categories Mindset

dating, romance, relationships, marriage, mindset, what do you expect?

To me, a relationship is a vehicle by which you can evolve further into the woman you’re meant to be and create the loving partnership you desire which, itself, will enable you to go even further forward in your life experiences! 

That is a win-win-win!

One of the biggest game-changers for me was the moment I realized I could want anything in the world, but to actually attain it I needed to expect that I would.

1) The gift of expectation of love!

Have you ever wanted something so badly it hurt? You may want something, but if you don’t really expect to be able to get it you will not. You want one kind of man but you keep getting the other kind. 

This keeps happening because even though you want an enriched romantic relationship with the love of your life, you don’t really expect to get it. That’s why you keep meeting the same kind of men. 

And the issue is not that you are a magnet that only attracts a certain type of man; you are attracted to men who deliver on your expectation. You believe you will be treated a certain way, and you keep dating men who treat you the way you believe you will be treated.

Do you see how this outcome isn’t what you want, but it’s what you expect?

Your expectations are based on your beliefs, which are based on your past experiences – but they don’t have to be. Your past doesn’t dictate your future, except when you let it. If you believe that every man is alike, then you’ll expect every man you date to treat you like all the others – and it’s entirely possible that when you meet a man who doesn’t it will feel so odd to you that you’ll have a whole bunch of reasons why he’s not right for you!

2)  Careful where you place that energy on love! 

So, here’s the thing about putting all your energy behind wondering how the men will act, what the men will do, when the men will do it …

When you focus only on the men you don’t see your part in the patterns of your own life. 

Part of my grand reckoning was that one day it came to me; I’d had hundreds of different jobs, hundreds of first and only dates, lived in three different states and I still didn’t have the life I wanted. If my life had been a science experiment I was the only constant. If I’d changed everything else (and I had) and I still wasn’t happy (and I wasn’t), the only thing left to change was me. But you can’t just randomly start changing things and hope you’ll strike gold – you need to fairly evaluate yourself and discover what part isn’t working. You must examine your relationship patterns from your part in them, not the men’s.

3) Expectation hastens your progress towards … love!

If you want to make some major changes in your relationship status you have to start from where you are right now. 

What do you believe about yourself being single?

What do you believe about men?

What do you believe about relationships? 

Do you see relationships around you that you’d like to emulate?

When you look at all the answers together – do you feel joy?

If the answer is no, that is okay – really. Just like with GPS, you absolutely, positively need to know where you’re starting from in order to get where you want to go – now you get to chart a new course that will uplift your expectation of love!

Gratitude for Manifesting Sustaining Love – Step 1

Posted on Categories Manifestation, Mindset

manifesting, romance, love, marriage, relationships, dating, gratitude

 

Manifesting Love Like a Boss

Have you ever seen a performance that hooked you in? An actor breathed life into a character, held you spellbound and took you for a ride through a story you got invested in? That is the power of specificity and if it makes that much of a difference to a character on screen, imagine what it can do for you in real life!

The difference between women who are powerful, consistent, blessed manifestors and those who believe love isn’t meant for them is being grateful for what they already have and being specific about what they want to create more of.

1)   Own who you are and what you’ve already got to manifest the love you want

What are your values? What are your priorities? Who do you want to be in this relationship? How do you want to show up in it? 

Look at every aspect of your life – your business side, family relationships, friendships, your spiritual journey, your home, your car, your hobbies – inventory, acknowledge and show gratitude for everything that you already have received and you will be that much more able to receive even more in the form of romance. 

And always, always, always choose yourself first and feel gratitude for all you already have. This is what enables you to truly manifest whatever you desire, this is what separates consistent manifestors from women who think love isn’t for them – you must operate from a position of having rather than lacking. You are adding to your already full, luscious life, not scraping by with crumbs. 

Be your own right match first!

2)  Decide/Choose/Align with your right match to manifest the love you want

Now that you’ve done the work to understand your values and priorities, and you know how you want to be in this world, expand your thinking to encompass the relationship itself. 

What kind of romantic relationship do you want? Do you want to be married? Do you want to have an equal partnership where each of you carries a similar load of responsibilities? Do you want adventure or consistency? 

Now think about how you want to live. Do you crave a quiet home or a hub of activity? Like to be planted and take root in one place, or does life on the road have a quirky appeal?

Now, and only now are you ready to think about him. What qualities in a man will be in best alignment with your values? What kind of lifestyle will he live? How does he move through the world and how do his values support yours and vice versa?

Why are you doing all this work before you’ve even met him? Because you don’t want just any man, just any relationship, just any marriage – you want the unique love that is perfect for you.

3)   Commit to yourself and ask for the love you desire!

Now that you’ve decided exactly what it is that you want more of, make the commitment to yourself that you want a man to make to you – write it down. 

Take a pen or a colored pencil or a crayon – whatever sparks joy in you – and commit it to a piece of paper – a notebook or journal is even better – it doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive, only substantive and something that will last, that you will get access to and not lose under a pile of papers.

And once you’ve written it down, read it out loud to yourself, even if you only start with a whisper and build up louder from there. Ask God or the Universe or whatever Source you believe in for this enriched romantic relationship with your right match. 

There’s power in wanting, and that’s the power that has really been taken from women over all these centuries. We’ve been sold a pack of lies about needing to be selfless at all times, always putting others ahead of ourselves. We’ve had our wanting taken from us publicly, and yet we still want internally – because humans want, we desire, we need.

Acknowledge and ask for what you want and remember this key – be grateful for what you already have and want more, want in addition to, want high, further, deeper.

There’s power in asking for what you want. If you don’t ask, you don’t get. When you can ask you can receive!

This is the first step in manifesting the romantic relationship you want.

#havemorelove #datingandrelationships #midlifemarriage #datingat50 #marriedat50 #marriedat40 #midlifedating #onlinedating  #datingat40 #midlifelove

Your Great Love: Green Means Go!

Posted on Categories Mindset

dating, marriage, romance, love, green flags, making change

I know you may not believe me right now, but great men are everywhere – really. You might have just walked past one in the produce section of the grocery store. They’re at work, at school and yes, online! You’ve probably even had dates with some, but you couldn’t see what was great about them, the green flags, because you’ve been trained to look for the red ones.

If you’re ever going to see the great men who are all around, you need to look for what’s great about them.

Last week I told you three things you can do to start seeing more possibilities in profiles and pictures online, now let’s talk about doing that in person.

1)   Flip the coin on love and dating

It seems like such a good way to keep yourself safe, doesn’t it? If you start out on high alert from the very beginning of the process, and comb through profiles and pictures looking for what’s wrong, you won’t get caught up in a sorrowful situation.

But, my friend, here’s the flip side to that coin. If you constantly and consistently look for problems, that is all you’ll ever find because you will begin to interpret everything you can’t explain as a problem – red flag.

And if you continue to take that red-alertness with you into messaging with all men you’ll never get to a live date with any men. 

Here’s the fix. Notice when you feel curious.

 After you move from reading profiles and assessing photos like the romantic detective you’ve become, you can reach out to some of the men you find interesting. Or you can choose to respond to some of the men who’ve reached out to you. Or both. 

All it takes is for a man to pique your interest, just a little tickle..

Start with messaging in the app and see what sparks your curiosity. And if he’s not adept at moving the conversation forward, ask about things you’d like to know about him. Develop a list of questions about fun, light topics that are interesting to you. The point of this is not to engage in a serious conversation immediately, it’s simply to see if you share common interests and see possibility and if you’re intrigued enough to move onto a phone call.

2)   Hear the love 

Have you heard online dating coaches say that you ought to go from messaging to meeting as quickly as possible? I get the reasoning behind it, after all, you’re not looking for a digital pen pal, but … 

One of the essential qualities I looked for in my partner is that together we have good, clear communication; that’s an imperative. Before you meet someone there are various touch points to make a communication connection, why would you pass up any opportunity? The first was writing, the second is speaking!

And if you want to be sure the person you’re meeting is who he says he is, an extra step is not a big deal, it’s a heck yes!

Here’s the fix. Listen for the alignment.

This sets me apart from a lot of other coaches – I suggest you always have at least one phone call before you agree to meet someone in person. Always. 

I think there’s a lot to be gleaned from hearing a man’s voice. This is someone whose voice you might be hearing for a long time, it ought to be pleasing to you! Can you imagine hearing it first thing in the morning or last thing at night? One thing I noticed immediately that made me want to know more, is that my boyfriend has such a great voice!

Also, while on the phone you can assess whether the man you’re speaking with is the same one who was messaging you. Does the conversation flow the way the messaging did? Is his humor similar? Is he picking up the conversation verbally where it left off on the app? Does he know who he’s speaking with or does he keep confusing you with someone else?

If the conversation feels a little stilted it’s not necessarily a red flag warning – some people (men and women) just don’t care for speaking on the phone and might converse more easily in person. You can let him know you’re happy to do that – after you speak on the phone at least once. That’s not a big ask.

And if he does confuse you with someone else, it doesn’t mean absolutely that this is a scam. As someone who’s done it a couple of times myself innocently, 😔 please give him some grace; but if it starts to seem like he’s just not paying attention, that’s a different story.

3)   Love meeting in person!

Do you find meeting someone in person difficult? Is it hard to schedule a time that works well for both of you? Is it stressful to get ready; decide what to wear, style your hair, take your look from work to wow? 

Do you live in a city where driving and parking are part-time jobs? 

Do you wish you could go back to the days that some of us consider chivalrous, when men asked women on dates, and picked them up, took them out and drove them back home?

Here’s the fix. Experience love in your time, not anyone else’s! 

Did you let yourself believe you didn’t have time to learn your business? No. Take that same approach to scheduling dates. And if you have a system for getting dressed for work you can develop one for dates that leaves you feeling more like a romantic partner than a boss. 

Embrace having your own wheels! Until you’ve spent enough in-person time with a man, have found out more about him, his family, his friends, his life, enjoy literally being in the driver’s seat.

When you’ve checked the boxes with your systems – scheduling, dressing and traveling – it makes being on the actual date so much more fun! You don’t have to be distracted, you can do the only thing you’re there to do – see and be seen, talk, laugh, share, listen. Focus on him to see and hear what makes this man great. Does he have a great sense of humor or knowledge about a topic you’ve always wondered about? Does he run a corporation that’s donating funds to your favorite cause? Has he traveled to all the places you’ve been to yourself?

There’s something great about each and every one of us, although whether or not this is someone who’s great for you … that’s for you to decide after you’ve had a few more dates.

#havemorelove #datingandrelationships #midlifemarriage #datingat50 #marriedat50 #marriedat40 #midlifedating #onlinedating  #datingat40 #midlifelove

Is this a good time to go online for love?

Posted on Categories Mindset

love, dating, relationships, marriage, deciding, seeing into the future, when is a good time?

 

Looking for love, dating or marriage online?  Now’s the time!

I used to think that fall was a terrible time to go online because of the upcoming holidays, believing that everybody was already coupled up and that I would just drift in a sea of unread profiles and unseen pics.

I was so wrong! My now-boyfriend and I had our first official date last October 28th. We’re coming up on our 1st anniversary and if I’d decided last year that all the good ones must already be taken, someone else would have taken him!

Here’s the thing, the run-up to the winter holidays has always been a good time to seek love online. The only reason I thought it was bad was because that story kept me safe. Coming up with excuses to not go online was second nature to me, as cozy as a soft blanket. 

Do you think you’ll have to give up too much of your current lifestyle and activities to be with a man? Will you disappoint the ones who depend on you to be the steadfast, single friend? Perhaps you’re simply feeling comfortable with your singleness and feeling resistant to change. 

If you’d like to spend this New Year’s Eve cozied up with your man instead of your blanket, then this is the perfect time to figure out what’s holding you back so you can move forward!

Ask yourself, what kind of relationships have I had in the past? What did each of my previous experiences have in common? Did I choose the same kind of man each time? 

Take your focus off the men and take a good look at yourself, your patterns, your thoughts and actions. That’s where you’ll strike gold. It’s true that knowledge is power, because you can’t get what you want for your future until you know what hasn’t gotten you what you want up until now.

After you’ve figured out exactly what’s been holding you back, take a good long look in the mirror and say goodbye to the past, single you.

Looking for love online? Let yourself be seen 

After you’ve said goodbye to the past, single you, while you’re still looking in that mirror, say hello to the new you. The woman who is ready, willing and able to create a beautiful online profile that shares the true you, honestly and with joy! This is the way to allow your right match to find you!

You want to let your man know exactly who you are and what he can expect when he chooses to share his life with you. 

Let him see himself; talk directly to him and tell him about the kind of man you seek. Is he quietly confident or brashly intrepid? Is he celebrating many years as an employee, happy with his two weeks’ annual pre-planned vacation, or a titan who moves mountains from his laptop and can pick up on the spur of the moment and accompany you on a month-long adventure? Are you looking forward to his corny jokes or heartfelt poetry? Tell him so!

 Let him see the future; tell him the things you enjoy and how you spend your time and suggest ways you’d like to spend your time together. And be sure to let him know that this is not an all-inclusive list, that part of getting to know each other will be discovering what he enjoys and coming up with ideas for all the things you’ll enjoy and do together. 

 Let him see you; post clear, current, beautiful photos that complement what you’ve written and show you in the best possible way – as you are now. It’s not about pore-erasing filters or slimming poses, it’s about expressing visually what you want him to know about you and the life you’ll share.

Might some other men, some mismatches, be attracted to you as well? Of course they will, so what? The more deliberate you are about presenting yourself fully, out loud, the more interest you’ll have – and the greater probability your best match will find you.

Seeking your right match for love? Game, Mindset, Match

If you’re anything like I was, you’ve probably spent a lot of time writing and re-writing your profile, asking your friends what makes you a catch and wondering how sarcastic you can dare to be in print (based on studies, skip the snark and stick to a more playful type of humor. Sarcasm doesn’t read well; you really need to hear the tone of someone’s voice for that to sound funny). And you’ve spent as much time, if not more, taking and discarding photos, convinced you need to look taller, thinner or younger. 

If you want to create a different outcome in dating than you ever have before I really recommend you invest conscious effort working on your mindset. Okay, you’ve been hearing that word a lot lately, what does it mean? According to an online dictionary, your mindset is the established set of attitudes you hold. What does this mean for your romantic results? Your outcome in romance has a lot more to do with what you think about men and dating than it does with the men themselves.

Schedule regular time each week to work out what you need to do to go to the next level. Ask yourself real questions about your past and your present and don’t stop until you arrive at real answers. And when you uncover a belief about yourself, men or relationships that doesn’t serve you, practice thinking a new one.

Just like I mentioned earlier about how seeing your past patterns gives you power to stop repeating your old outcomes, seeing your present behavior is your first step in creating your most desired future . Notice where you’re hiding away, feeling unworthy, not being authentic. Look for a tendency to procrastinate going online or to live social events where you might meet a man in person, or otherwise sabotage your success. 

No matter if you’ve been in a years’ long relationship, had a bunch of short ‘situationships’ or you’ve never dated at all, you can, ultimately, wind up in your most desired, enriched romantic relationship, cozied up with your rightest match as the ball drops this New Year’s Eve!

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