Dating, Marriage and Your Romantic Relationships – Marriage vs. You

Marriage vs. You, marriage, relationships, dating

 

Dating, Marriage and Your Romantic Relationships – Are you doing the right things?

There are too many high-quality, marriage-ready, communicative, single gentlemen on this app! 

Said no unmarried woman ever.

What I usually hear is, there’s nobody here for me, these men are all commitment-phobes, everybody’s married, they all only want sex, I need a different app!

What kinds of things are you doing to create the marriage you want? Are you posting a profile and great pics online, telling all your friends you want to meet someone, signing up for a dating service, decluttering, moving into a larger space, burning candles and saying affirmations to draw in your love?

Any one of these might be the right thing. Maybe none of them are. But here’s the real thing…

You are a woman who has achieved success in one area of your life – work. You’re either an employee with a high-powered, high level position in your chosen career, or an owner of a thriving business. 

I want to offer you a way to remind yourself of exactly how amazing you are, and how you are absolutely capable of creating the relationship of your dreams. Sit down and write yourself a letter, but not any ordinary letter. You’re going to write a list of everything you’ve ever accomplished – at work.

This is your evidence list. You’re going to call it that so that in the future if you start to doubt whether you’ll ever be married you can look at all the ‘evidence’ of what you’ve already achieved and gain confidence from your capability. 

You are a woman who gets things done and success skills are transferable. 

You know what to do. If you’ve been taking consistent action toward your goal of meeting a high-quality man to whom you can one day be married and you’re not married yet it’s not because you’re not doing the right things.

Dating, Marriage and Your Romantic Relationships – Are you doing the things right?

So, if it’s true that you’ve created all of these amazing achievements at work – and it is – then how come you’re not experiencing this nirvana in your romantic relationships? Is it possible that it’s not what you’re doing, but how you’re doing it?

Do you know the difference between doing the right things and doing things right? Doing the right things is about what you do. Doing things right is about how you feel while you’re doing. And feelings start with your thoughts.

I’m not suggesting I can tell you one right way to do anything, and if you’ve read books or taken classes that purported to tell you how, that could be the issue right there. The only right way to embark on the journey that will lead to marriage is to do it the way that honors, highlights, respects and embraces you in all your glory. That’s why personalized coaching is so vital!

Have you been trying to create love the way someone else says is ‘right?’ Stop it!

Have you noticed how you feel while you’re posting your profile or swiping through your daily matches or engaging in a conversation with a man you’ve met online? Are you finding very few candidates to date? Are you having any fun on the dates you do have?

If you don’t feel good, and you’re not having any fun, it’s time to stop the things you’re doing and figure out how to do the things you’re doing right.

Dating, Marriage and Your Romantic Relationships – Are you getting the things you want?

If you were managing an important work project you’d first decide the goal then determine the metrics that will tell you if you’re achieving it. And then you’d decide how to accomplish it which would include a fair assessment of whether or not you have the tools and skills necessary.

It’s exactly the same process in dating, relationships and marriage.

What’s your pleasure? Do you want to be married and have children, married with no children, blissfully cohabiting sans marriage? You get to do you.

How will you know if you’re achieving your goal? Well, if you’ve read this far I’d say you’re probably not there. Do you know how to create the outcome you desire when it comes to love? Do you have the tools and skills necessary to create love with ease and joy rather than the way you see your friends try to do it – with pain and suffering?

If you don’t currently possess those tools and skills it’s not a moral failing, a condemnation or a sign that marriage is not for you. It’s simply an acknowledgment that you’ve spent more time focusing on work than your personal life. For years you’ve taken care of everything except your personal desires – and I can help you change your focus and learn how to transfer those success skills from business to pleasure!

#havemorelove #havefundating #lovedating #singleandspiritual #lovemakeovers #datingandrelationships #midlifemarriage #midlifedating #onlinedating

 

Dating, Marriage and Your Relationship Toolbox

dating, relationships, marriage, tools, skills

 

Dating, Marriage and Your Toolbox

Dating, Marriage and Your Romantic Relationships – Tools

Never use a hammer and screwdriver to defrost a freezer.

Once upon a time, the freezer compartment attached to a refrigerator would build up ice. Periodically you’d have to take out all the food, turn off the cold air and let the ice melt. My mom used to speed up the process by putting in a pot of boiling water. And as the ice got softer, she’d pry it off with her fingers.

So, one day I decided to hasten the process along. Rather than waiting for it to get soft enough to pry off with my fingers, I decided to chip it off, tapping a screwdriver with a hammer the way a sculptor chisels away at a rock.

POP! Pssssssssssssssstttttttttt……….

That’s the sound of freon escaping from a punctured tube. Added bonus; it came with a shot of cold air into my face!

Of course I called my dad. He assured me I wouldn’t die from a short burst of freon and closed with his classic, “Well, I guess you won’t be doing that again, will you?”

Um, no.

If you’ve never been married and want to be, you need the right tools. Dating apps and sites are only part of it. Stop focusing on them and what you think of the men you find there. Because when you focus on that you stop seeing possibilities and then you get frustrated and start to feel hopeless, and when you feel hopeless you stop dating. 

Not dating doesn’t get you closer to your dream.

You are the most important tool in your toolbox; your qualities and characteristics, what makes you stand out in the most inviting, engaging way! When you learn how to harness the power of what you’ve already got – your exceptional, brilliantly unique YOU – that’s when you’ll shift from feeling frustrated and hopeless to meeting your mate! 

Dating, Marriage and Your Romantic Relationships – Skills

How, exactly, do you use a bandsaw? That’s the question I could have asked when I first got to the Habitat for Humanity building site in New Orleans. This was in 2010, years before I’d started to uplevel my life and all my relationships along with it. 

I didn’t yet understand that in order to create different results I needed to take different actions, and in order to do that I needed to feel different feelings, and for that I’d have to think different thoughts than I’d ever thought before. I needed different skills than I had at the time.

So instead, I just said, no. No, I don’t use heavy machinery. That’s okay, somebody else can do that.

It didn’t take me long until I asked someone how to use the bandsaw.

You may be doing all the right things like, telling all your friends you’re looking and meeting everyone they set you up with and going online and messaging people and going out on dates and reading books and you still haven’t met your right match.

There’s a world of difference between doing the right thing and doing something right.

Websites and apps and dates and books are just tools. It’s how you use them that makes all the difference between dating forever and meeting your forever partner.

Dating, Marriage and Your Romantic Relationships – Results

Sure, I could have continued to do all the same things I’d always done, in the same way I’d always done them; I could have continued to focus on all the things I thought men weren’t and all the things I thought they ought to be. I could have kept believing that they had to change for me to be happy. I could have kept chasing after every guy I met who didn’t want to be with me to try and make him want to be with me. I could have continued to put all the power over my happiness into the hands of men and kept ignoring the one thing that is obvious to me in hindsight – nothing would have ever changed. But that’s not how this story ends.

I’ve lived in three different states, and had a million first days on the job. I’ve also had as many first (and only) dates. 

I had changed absolutely everything possible outside of myself and yet my life wasn’t any different, and I certainly wasn’t any happier than I’d ever been before. I finally saw it – if my life had been a science experiment, I would have been the only constant. 

It was also glaringly obvious that I couldn’t figure out the solution for myself, because I honestly wasn’t sure exactly what the problem was. Was it my job? Was it the town in which I lived? Was it my confidence or lack thereof? Was it the app? Was it just … me?

I hired a coach and acquired the right tools. But just like with the bandsaw, it doesn’t matter what tools you have if you don’t have the skills to apply them properly.  And the most amazing thing happened – I started feeling happy with my life, just the way it was, even before any of it changed. And then I started having fun on dates even though the men hadn’t changed. And then everything changed!

#havemorelove #havefundating #lovedating #singleandspiritual #lovemakeovers #datingandrelationships #midlifemarriage #midlifedating #onlinedating

 

Dating, Marriage and Your Mindset

marriage, dating, love, midlife dating, what are you creating in your dating? mindset

Dating, Romance and Your Romantic Relationships – What are you thinking?

Welcome back to Hard-Truth Monday! 😂

Does that make you want to grab a cup of tea and tuck in for a good read or grab your keys and run out the door? I’ve got you.

If you want to be married and you are still single you need to be willing to look at what you are thinking about dating, relationships, marriage and men. Mostly, though, you are going to have to really examine what you think about yourself, and yourself in relation to each of these. If you’re not willing to at least look at it – and take action to change what you’re thinking – your marital status will not change.

OMGoodness, that sounds so haaaard! Can’t you date, or even get into a relationship with someone, without doing it? Sure, if you want just any relationship. 

Come on, you can do hard things! Especially in service of something as important as your lifelong, personal happiness! Your mindset is of paramount importance in your creating the enriched, romantic relationship with your right, high-quality partner, one that befits who you are and what you deserve in life. And that’s what you truly desire.

Think about all the times in the past that you sabotaged what you thought was a phenomenal relationship. I bet if you’d had a peek under the hood to see how your destructive thoughts were creating the impulses that led to your ruinous actions … well, you might be married by now!

Dating, Romance and Your Romantic Relationships – What are you feeling?

Did you know that the thoughts you’re thinking are creating the emotions you’re feeling? Yes, really! And the way you’re feeling is the fuel for your words and actions. And your words and actions are the way a man experiences you.

Let’s think about that for a second … the way a man experiences you is through the actions you take and the words you speak. So, if you were on a date with someone who you already saw as a great candidate to snuggle up with for the rest of your life … how would you want him to experience you? Why, as an equally great candidate for him to snuggle up with, right?

Now, imagine coming home from work and rather than having left early, getting stuck late and not even being able to clear off your own desk because you kept getting called away to cover somebody else’s duties, getting stuck in traffic, having to stop for gas ‘cause you’re running on fumes … what might you be thinking about having to meet your date in one short hour instead of the leisurely two hours on which you’d planned? If it were me I’d think about curling up in a ball and ordering in. Or just getting into bed and pulling the covers over my head. I’d be thinking about anything but having to dress up, slap on a smile and go meet someone I’d hoped might be my forever one. 

Feeling a bit … stressed?

How many times in the past have you felt stressed on a date? How did you act? How did you speak? How did you behave? How much fun did you have on a date when you were feeling stressed? 

You don’t ever have to feel stressed on a date again. 

Dating, Romance and Your Romantic Relationships – Who Are You Attracting?

Do you think that the Law of Attraction means that if you keep dating people who are unavailable or commitment-phobes, or don’t show up on time or stand you up completely, or simply don’t appreciate your qualities or don’t respect or love you the way you want to be loved it means there’s something wrong with you? NO!

It means that YOU are not being totally available to yourself. You are not committing to yourself. You are being disrespectful and unloving and unappreciative of your amazing qualities and so you are attracting people who mirror those behaviors back to you.

In the words of Brooke Castillo, “You can’t expect someone to do something for you that you’re not willing to do for yourself. Loving yourself is definitely one of those things.”

Oh, and btw, the Law of Attraction is not about who’s attracted to you, it’s about who you’re attracted to. Why are you still dating people who are unavailable or commitment-phobes or don’t show up on time or stand you up completely or don’t appreciate your qualities or don’t respect or love you the way you want to be loved?

Because a teeny, tiny part of your mind thinks that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

Even though, deep down in your heart, you know it’s not.

Operate from your heart! Control all the parts of your life that you can, and your thoughts are absolutely under your control! This isn’t about you sitting demurely waiting for the right man to suddenly realize he’s uncontrollably attracted to you. This is about you creating the circumstances that will present you in your most sincere, genuine, fun-loving, irreverent, full-blown self, so the one who is seeking only you can find you!

When you’re finally so tired of being alone that you’re willing to do what it takes to feel joy in partnership, you’re going to need a coach. Because if you could have gotten from where you are to where you want to be on your own, you’d be married by now.

 

Relationships – Clearing Your Marriage Blocks

Relationships, marriage, blocks to relationships, dating, love, clear what's holding you back

Ready to Clear Your Marriage Blocks?

You know you want to be married. So why aren’t you?

And no, the answer is not simply, “Because I haven’t found the right partner yet.” Even back in the day when I was saying it I knew the true answer ran deeper than that.

Why haven’t you found him? That’s the question you have to be willing to ask and to answer. And if you’re really willing to go deep, the answer will show you the block that is standing between you and your happily ever after. Does your story go something like this:

I haven’t found my right match because I keep choosing to date men who I know deep down in my heart are not my right match. I keep choosing to date men who aren’t looking for committed relationships so that I can keep being right about my belief that men are unavailable. 

What this really means is – you’re the one who’s unavailable.

And dating men who are unavailable keeps you safe.

You can’t make a commitment to someone who’s not looking for one. This means you don’t have to risk heartache by being with a man you really love in case it doesn’t last forever.

You don’t have to risk giving up your home and everything you’ve created for yourself by moving in with him in case it doesn’t last forever. You don’t have to risk anything at all.

It’s not true that all men are unavailable, but if all the men you date are unavailable, it’s time to have a heart to heart talk – with yourself. You may not be ready to take a risk, but if you can at least stop blaming all the men for your lack of a connection I guarantee you’ll have a much different experience of dating.

If you want a much different experience of dating, click here and learn one thing you can start doing today that will change your dating for good!  https://lenaehrenberg.com/

You know you want to be married. So why aren’t you? Part 2.

Do you know anyone who ever met a man online who wasn’t exactly who he said he was? Yeah, me too. Do you know anyone who’s ever dated a man who only wanted sex? Me too for that, too. And, so … what?

The next question you need to be willing to answer for yourself is, why do you keep holding on to all the negative stories? Because, here’s the thing – you also know women who’ve met men online who were exactly who they presented themselves to be. And you know women who’ve dated men who didn’t rush them into bed at all, who were perfectly willing to wait until they’d gotten to the point in their relationships where both partners were eager and ready, rather than just eager. You know you do. I’ve had both of those experiences repeatedly because I believe they’re possible.

And you also know women who have MARRIED men they’ve met online – I know 4 women personally, and many more who are friends of friends. So the question to ask yourself today is, what do you have to gain by not telling that story?

You get to feel safe, you get to not risk, you get to be right. That’s right, you get to do all these things. You also get to remain alone. What’s more important to you, to be safely alone or to risk being with a partner who enriches your experience of the one life you are living?

I’m an expert in figuring out exactly what you need to start having a lot more fun dating. Click here to get the first thing:  https://lenaehrenberg.com/

You know you want to be married. So why aren’t you? Part 3.

This past week we’ve been talking about your marriage blocks. Just like with money blocks holding you back from manifesting more financial wealth, these blocks are holding you back from enriching your life in another way. But here’s the thing – you have a good life! You have a great career, loving friends and family, you travel, you own (or rent) a beautiful home in a fabulous and safe neighborhood – you don’t need to be married to enjoy your life!

But if you want to be, that’s enough to do something about it.

If you haven’t figured it out on your own yet, what do you think will change if you keep trying on your own? Try this:  https://lenaehrenberg.com/

 

Relationships: What do You Believe is Possible?

Dating, Relationships, Beliefs, Time, Now

Dating and Your Romantic Beliefs

Romantic Relationships – Why You?

Because you are 100% worthy and tired of wasting time. Because you’ve spent your whole life taking care of other people’s needs and being commended for it, but not celebrated for it. Women are celebrated when they’re engaged then married then have children and their children graduate and get good jobs and then get married and have their own children. You are not celebrated for dropping what you’re doing and taking care of your parents or siblings or staying late at work every, single. night. You are only expected to do it. And you’re expected to be available to help the women who are married and have children, whether they’re your business associates or your family members. 

You’re also not celebrated for creating business success, still, to this day, because you haven’t found a man to take care of you. Do you sometimes feel like the only way you’ll ever be celebrated is to create your own family, be in your own relationship with your own children? Do you want that? You’re allowed to really want that.

Respect. Love, Inclusion. Celebration. To feel a part of a whole and good about yourself instead of always feeling like you’re lacking a key component. You want to feel good instead of never good enough. 

If this is what you want, click here and learn one thing you can start doing today that will change your idea of dating for good!  https://lenaehrenberg.com/

Romantic Relationships – Why Lena?

In these days of trying to make lifelong connections online while staying socially-distanced, (how can that even happen?) dating feels more like an off-road trek than a stroll in the park. And because I’ve been where you are I’ll give you a personalized roadmap so you can stay focused on your journey and reach the pinnacle without all the time-wasting detours you’ve already encountered trying to reach your heart’s desire. 

You need to coach with me because I’ve been single all my life; I know how it is to not know how to date successfully – and I know exactly what it takes to course-correct. I know how it is to give your heart and your time to the wrong man over and over. I know how it is to not be celebrated. Just like you. 

I’ve been dating all through this time of being sheltered in place and socially distanced and just, for heaven’s sake, wanting to feel the old normal, and I’m now in a loving, respectful, supportive, enriched, committed relationship with my rightest match ever and you can be, too! 

I’m an expert in figuring out exactly what you need to start having a lot more fun dating. Click here to get the first thing:  https://lenaehrenberg.com/

Romantic Relationships – Why Now?

Because you really want to have a family and don’t believe you have a lot of time left to wait. You can’t face another year in pain like this, year after year seeing all your nieces and nephews getting married for heaven’s sake! 

Because you’ve been thinking about all the ways you can possibly have children, thoughts about eggs and cutoff times and expense and invasiveness and adoption. Please tell yourself the truth. You don’t really want to raise a child alone. You’re done doing everything alone and you just want to feel like everybody else, dammit!

You need tools, techniques, accountability and a safe space to learn it all! And when you’ve implemented the things you’ll learn, you’ll have the relationship you want with your right match; the man who commits to you, the man who gets you and loves you for all your quirks, not in spite of them; the man who adores, cherishes, loves, protects and provides for you. 

I can help you date differently than you ever have before which will ultimately lead to the outcomes you want – spending your time in a relationship with your right match rather than wasting time trying to get all the wrong men to make a commitment. Oh, and btw, you’ll have fun while you’re doing it, which is so much better than the way you’ve been doing it.

If you haven’t figured it out on your own yet, what do you think will change if you keep trying? Try this:  https://lenaehrenberg.com/

#havemorelove #havefundating #singleandspiritual #lovedating #lovemakeovers #datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating

Romantic Relationships Reasons Why Now!

 

Yes! You Can Create the Romantic Relationship You Want!

What if you weren’t supposed to be married to that guy you dated in college?

And the reason I know you’re wondering that is, I used to – very occasionally – wonder that myself. Until the day he found me on Facebook and we friended each other and started following each other’s posts and … it took me less than a minute to realize that he and I were polar opposites in our values and I gladly gave up the FOMO and embraced the JOGO! (Joy of Getting On) I live serene in the knowledge that it worked out exactly as it should!

You CAN create the enriched romantic relationship you desire and have fun doing it. How do I know? Because I’ve done it! I’m in it! Here’s one way:

Instead of spending a lot of time thinking about the men you knew in the past, and all the reasons you believe it didn’t work out with any of them, think about the kind of man you’d like to meet in your future – and know the future can start now!

Would you like a partner who is very talkative, very contemplative or very funny? Looking for a man who enjoys going out, staying in, a little of both? Kids, no kids? Pets, no pets?

Envision the life you want to live and the ways you want to live that life; all the days, the weeks, the years of it – make it real for yourself. Funny, isn’t it – I’m asking you to dream for real

Dating can be fun. Not only can be, it’s imperative! Why? When was the last time you willingly did something that wasn’t any fun? Yes, willingly! You want to look forward to meeting him; the one you seek who’s seeking you, right? 

Think about this – you’ve tried doing it the way so many other women do – believing that dating is hard and feeling resistant to it and ultimately not having any fun doing it.

Now try believing it’s simple when you know how to do it (and I’m an expert in helping women learn how) and feeling willing and having fun! You’ll thank me later. As a matter of fact, you both will! 

Click on the link to learn how to make dating a lot more fun!

Romantic Relationship? Yes I can!

Yes! You Will Create the Romantic Relationship You Want!

I know this is true because you have no other option. Well, I mean, maybe you do have another option, but you don’t strike me as the kind of woman who will not achieve something that is so important to you, something that lies at the very essence of who you are and who you believe yourself to be. 

When you envision the life you want to live, how will you feel when you set eyes on your man for the very first time? Will you feel that spark of recognition you’ve felt at other times about other imperative things; will you have an aha! moment?

Will you feel excited or nervous or curiously calm?

What about the way you’ll feel on that first Saturday night when you realize you could just as happily go to the grocery store as a nightclub, or stay home altogether, because you’re no longer seeking, you’ve found him, and as long as you’re with him you’re where you want to be.

You get to think thoughts and feel feelings that spark joy for you! You get to feel willing and excited and nervous all at the same time. You’ve spent your whole life having and being and doing for others and now you get to have, be and do for you.

Oh, yeah, that question that keeps popping up … if it was meant to happen why hasn’t it by now? What if you couldn’t have met your right match before now? Maybe he was married before and then divorced and spent time doing the work he needed to do to get ready for you? Maybe he was raising a child or caring for an elder or getting his business to the point where he can take more time off now than he ever could before?

This is how to stop thinking about your past and trust that it’s all worked out exactly as it was supposed to – repeat after me:

I know it worked out the way it was supposed to because it did.

Repeat again.

And again.

If you need more help implementing what you’ve learned, that’s what I’m here for.

Click on the link to learn how to make dating a lot more fun! 

Romantic Relationship? Yes I can!

I want to. That’s the best reason ever to Create Your Romantic Relationship!

The relationships in your past are in your past for a reason. Whether you’ve had what you consider to be many or a few, they didn’t work out because they weren’t supposed to.

Now, what do you want to do about creating the most enriched romantic relationship you’ve ever experienced? Or, what do you want to do about creating the most enriched romantic relationship you’ve ever experienced now? It’s time.

You get to want to have whatever kind of relationship you choose! You get to want joy and romance and excitement and bliss and comfort and safety and security and a shoulder to lean on.

The one seeking you has been on his own path, learning his own lessons, evolving himself to step into the unique relationship only you two can create together.

What are you doing to be as ready for him as he is for you? 

Click on the link to learn how to make dating a lot more fun! 

Romantic Relationship? Yes I can!

 

Romantic Relationships – Reasons Why Not

 

If the only reason you can’t is because you never have

See this sea of roses? It reminds me of what my life is like since I met my boyfriend. 

We met online, and in deference to there being shelter-in-place orders in effect we took it slow. We messaged, we spoke, we video-chatted, we went for a walk around the lake. He said he’d like to see me again and I said yes. And when he asked what I’d like to do on what would be our first official date I mustered all my courage and said … 

There’s this piece of furniture I want to refinish, would you please help me with that?

Not only did he say yes, he showed up with all the tools we’d need and a dozen roses!

And he’s been bringing me flowers ever since.

There was a time in my life when I said, I can’t have the kind of relationship I want because if it was meant to happen it would have by now.

And then I sabotaged every relationship with every man who came even close to being what I wanted. 

I said I can’t so I didn’t. So then I got to be right about it never having happened.

Dating was really, really hard because I made it that way. Eventually I realized my way wasn’t working and I hired a coach who helped me see how I was creating what I said rather than what I wanted. My coach showed me all the things I was doing to stand in the way of my own happiness, and I learned how to kick those habits to the curb and experience the joy I saw other women having.

Do you want to keep being right or do you want to roll in a bed of roses? You really do get to choose! And when you’re ready to create what you want to happen rather than what you say will happen, hiring a coach will get you there much more quickly than you trying to figure it out on your own. Think of me as your GPS for dating! 

If you’re really ready, get on a 20-minute discovery call with me and find out how to get from where you are now to where you want to be: https://lenacoachsession.as.me/

If the only reason you won’t is because you never did

How much of a risk-taker are you? If I said I was going hot air ballooning or parasailing tomorrow, or to Morocco next month, would you jump right up and say, take me with you! 

I’ve never considered myself much of a risk-taker, especially when it comes to physical activities, although I have gone hot air ballooning and parasailing and when my friend told me she was going to Morocco in a month I heard the words, take me with you! coming out of my mouth before I realized I’d even thought them. And she did.

Morocco was exotic and amazing and ballooning and parasailing were both pure, joyous fun! I checked them off the list on two consecutive birthdays.

That was after the birthday when I got my tattoo. 

For years I wanted a tattoo, and I could never settle on what it would be. I decided and then changed my mind dozens of times. I also wondered where I’d go to get it. Then one day I wandered into a tattoo shop and started talking to this artist who I liked immediately. I liked her work, too, and I walked out with her card and a new determination.

After years of indecision, within a few weeks I knew exactly what I wanted to live with for the rest of my life and I got it done. I could have said I won’t do it. I could have kept looking for the perfect idea for the rest of my life. Instead, I made up my mind and it all came together perfectly. As if it was meant to be … 😉

If you’re not in the relationship you want it’s not because you haven’t found the right person yet. You haven’t found the right person yet because you’re not determined enough to figure out what’s stopping you. Lucky for you, I am an expert at figuring out what’s stopping you!

Let’s get on a free 20-minute video call together so you can discover what’s keeping you from finding him and what to do about it: https://lenacoachsession.as.me/

You need to have a better reason not to

Whether you’re like I was and think you somehow don’t deserve to have what you desire or you won’t do what you need to do to make it happen, the result is the same – you’re not in the relationship you really, really want. Isn’t it time to figure out why? 

What rational reason is there for you to keep holding yourself back? 

Do you think it will be hard? You do hard things every day.

Do you think it will be painful? You feel the pain of not having a partner now.

Creating the enriched romantic relationship you crave, having a partner who shows up for you in every way you’ve ever wished for and in many ways you’ve never imagined, isn’t hard. It isn’t beyond you. It isn’t the domain of every other woman on the planet except you. And just like my tattoo, finding out how you’re standing in your own way doesn’t have to cause you pain.

When you’re ready to create a different outcome in your dating and relationships than the one you keep getting on your own, DM me or leave a comment so we can talk!

Discover why he’s not here yet and what you can do about it. Click on the link and schedule your free call: https://lenacoachsession.as.me/

 

If You Want a Different Relationship…

If you want something different you need to do something different.

YOU deserve to feel giddy with delight on Every! Single! Date!

You’re a Smart Girl, you know it’s the actions you take that ultimately create your outcomes. If you want to create a different outcome in your relationships than the one you keep creating it makes sense that you’re going to have to do something different than what you’ve been doing.

But you truly believe you’ve done absolutely everything possible and things just don’t change. The thing is, just because you’re doing different things (like using different apps) you’re probably doing them in the same ways, (like only engaging with men who are unavailable) and that’s what’s creating your same-old, same-old outcome. 

What I mean is, maybe it’s not what you’re doing but how you’re doing it.

Your feelings fuel your actions. Literally, like rocket fuel. And I think that actions are not just what we do, they’re also how we do what we do – our behavior. 

Imagine yourself doing something simple like pouring a glass of water. When you’re feeling calm you can pour a glass of water without spilling a drop, almost as if you’ve done it all your life! 😉

Now imagine feeling really nervous about something, shaking nervous, and trying to pour a glass of water – you know some of that is landing on the table. Fuel.

How did you feel on your last date?

How do you want to feel on your next date? Happy? Playful? Giddy with delight? 

Oh yes, you can, you simply need to find the right grade of fuel – and I can help!

Have you really done everything to create your right match?

What do you think it’s going to take to get you to the feeling you want to feel on your next date? That was kind of a trick question. It’s your thoughts that create your feelings, so the thing that’s going to get you to the feeling you want is a thought that will create that feeling within you. 

That’s just crazy, right? It’s the man, right? It’s always the man. It’s what he does or doesn’t do, says or doesn’t say, it’s just him, right? Sorry, no.

Your thoughts create your feelings. Every. Single. Time. Consider this: when there’s a man sitting across the table from you and you like him, it’s because you’re thinking about how much you like the way he looks, the way he talks, the things he says! When there’s a man sitting across the table from you and you don’t like him, it’s because you’re thinking about how much you don’t like the way he looks, the way he talks, the things he says. None of it.

So, now that you know that your thoughts create your feelings and your feelings fuel your actions and your actions create your outcome, what do you think about the outcomes you keep getting in your romantic relationships?

Are you meeting men online and messaging and talking and meeting and you just haven’t met the one? Maybe you are doing everything you can do and it’s just a matter of time. Maybe you really don’t have to take different actions, but if you’re not yet in the relationship you desire you probably have to take those actions in a different way.

How much more time are you willing to give this? Do you want to keep doing it your way and hoping that some day it will work? 

Wouldn’t you rather spend time being with your love than just looking for him?

Yes, you CAN feel giddy with delight – and here’s how!

How about investing the smallest amount of time to create the grandest result ever? Rather than spending a lot of time trying to figure out different things to do or how to do things differently, invest your time in feeling different. For this you’ll have to think different thoughts.

Is dating hard? Are all men relationship-phobic? Do all men only want sex or women who are 10 years younger than you? Is it impossible to date during a pandemic? Do you have to lose fifteen pounds to get a man’s attention? If that’s what it takes to get his attention heaven only knows what you have to do to keep it, right?

When you think these thoughts do you feel Angry? Frustrated? Sad? Hopeless?

Just like when trying to pour a glass of water when you’re shaking with nervousness, if you’re going online or getting on the phone or going on a date with someone while you’re feeling angry, frustrated, sad or hopeless you are going to spill all over the table – he’ll be able to see it, hear it, feel it. No matter what it is you’re actually doing.

When you’re ready to create a different outcome in your dating and relationships than the one you keep getting on your own, let’s talk!   #havemorelove

Discover why he’s not here yet and what you can do about it. Click on the link and schedule your free call: https://lenacoachsession.as.me/

Romantic Relationship Ready

 

I know you think you’re ready.

You’re ready to have a partner by your side, someone with whom you can share laughter and tears, ups and downs, good times and hard times. You’re really ready to have a companion, someone you can talk to, who will talk to you, someone you can whisper to who will listen close so as not to miss a word, who will as happily accompany you on a Sunday walk as to a Saturday night movie or your best friend’s daughter’s wedding. 

Because isn’t that the point of being in a romantic relationship? It’s the companionship, right? It’s having someone to share your hopes and dreams and vision. It’s not having to do things alone ever again, forever and ever, amen! 

Well, that and the sex. Having one person with whom you can be as physically intimate as you are emotionally. 

And yet, it begs the question, how emotionally intimate are you with yourself? How closely do you listen when your own heart whispers? And if you do listen closely, what’s your response? It’s probably very much on the surface, and I’m asking you to dig underneath to a level where you can really take good care of yourself.

Are you ready to meet someone else’s needs in a romantic relationship?

Sharing laughter and tears, ups and downs, not being alone at your best friend’s daughter’s wedding … all of these are nice outcomes of being in a relationship, but none of them is exactly the purpose.

There is just so much you can do to facilitate your own personal growth alone. And the thing a romantic relationship will do for you in ways that nothing else can, is 10X your self-awareness, self-love and self-growth. But only if you let it.

The people who suffer in relationships, (and cause their partners to suffer alongside them), are the ones who think their partners are there to provide for their needs. They also think they can participate in one and remain the same as they were when they started. They’re the ones who spend a lot of time and energy trying to get their partner to change so they can feel better. It might sound like, “If you loved me you would…” or, “I need you to…” 

I don’t believe for one minute that someone else is supposed to give me what I need – I actually don’t believe it’s even possible. Needs aren’t things, like phone calls or text messages or even attention, they’re how we feel, like cherished and respected and loved, and because our own feelings come from our own thoughts, nobody else can give us our feelings, only we can do that. 

For you to thrive in a romantic relationship you need to figure out what you need and then how to provide it for yourself! And no, I’m not talking about taking actions like having intimate connections or sex outside of a committed partnership, I’m talking about learning exactly what the feelings are that you seek to feel that are driving those actions.

Do you believe that someone else ought to change their behavior in order for you to feel better? Okay, well then, tell me – how does that play out when someone else thinks you ought to change what you’re doing or saying so they can feel better? Yeah, I thought so.

Are you ready to make this the year you stop sabotaging your relationships?

Do so many of us sabotage our relationships because deep down inside we don’t want to be responsible for taking care of someone else’s needs? 

The answer for me is, absolutely! And if you feel the same that’s an even better reason to get a handle on how your needs – and everyone else’s – really work so you can stop working against the thing you really want and make 2021 the year you create that committed, romantic relationship you’ve been seeking for so long.

If you’re someone who:

  • Expects a man to call or text you every morning and evening when you’ve just met
  • Wants to be introduced to his friends and family after only a couple of dates
  • Decides you’re ‘in a relationship’ after only a couple of dates

Ask yourself how you think you’ll feel when that thing happens. 

  • How will you feel if a man calls or texts every morning and evening?
  • How will you feel when you’re introduced to his family and friends?
  • How will you feel when you’re really and truly in a relationship?

The feeling is what you’re after, fulfilling that feeling is your need – not whatever the thing is you think you want. 

Let’s say you feel loved when someone calls or texts you. It’s not just because of the communication, it’s because of the importance you give to it. But … how will you feel if the calls and texts stop coming?

If you don’t figure out what you really need and how to provide it for yourself, you are going to be focusing on the actions someone is taking rather than on the only question you need to be asking at the very beginning – do you like him?

Romantic Relationship or Free Shipping?

 

What does God know about romance?

I know you think it’s hard to meet a good man. You also think that Covid has set your plans back by a year and you’re afraid you missed your chance to have the husband and family you’ve wanted for so long. Are you feeling a bit … impatient?

When you say your prayers at night what is it you seek? A good husband? A great father? An excellent provider? And what about his qualities – Considerable financial means? World Traveler? Commitment to a religion that is your own? Of course, if these qualities can be wrapped in a 6’2” frame with great hair and a killer smile, so much the better, right? That’s your ideal. Actually, that would be ideal

You’re impatient because you believe you’ve not yet met the man who checks all the many, many, boxes. And you’re getting a little …umm, tired … of people suggesting you might be too picky. Why shouldn’t you have a partner who has all the things you want

Be honest – are you offering a prayer or placing an order?

If God did know about romance, it would be different.

When you do go online and scan the profiles, what is it you find? Are there many men who check all the boxes? Nope. Often it seems there aren’t even any. Apparently the ones you seek do not exist and the ones seeking you are definitely not marriage material. How many times, in the stillness of the night, have you asked God, “Why?”

Why does it seem to happen for everyone else but you? Why are other women in beautiful partnerships with amazing men and you’re not? Why aren’t you ever attracted to the ones that pursue you? The nice ones are so boring, and the exciting ones aren’t very nice.

God (the Universe, the Law of Attraction) is presenting the same men to you as to all the rest of us. What is the lens through which you are viewing them? I find that when I stop being impatient and allow patience to have Her perfect work the world in which I live is more ideal. 

God governs time, not me. I’ve learned to look for the green flags, because when I only look for the red flags, when I keep repeating all the negative mantras – dating is hard and all men are this and no man wants that … that’s all I see. I’ve learned that men are people too, and to expect one to be all things is wrong of me, not of men. I’ve learned that no man is a perfect human, and yet there is a human man who is perfect for me

Maybe the question is, what does God know that I don’t?

I’ve had long term relationships, although I’ve never been married, mostly because I never wound up dating anyone I could see myself happily married to. The reasons for that are many, and I’ll explore them more throughout this journey, the point here is, since I transformed my thoughts about dating my results have been transformed as well. Each of the relationships I’ve had in the last 5 years has been better than the one before. 

I met a man online in September and as we’ve gone slowly through the maze of socially-responsible dating during a worldwide pandemic I experience his many qualities that beautifully align with my values and lifestyle desires; including acquiring a passport so we can traverse the streets of Paris together and embracing my religion because he had been seeking one for himself. We have a Want Match, and it’s a beautiful way to live! But hear me – he hadn’t had a passport since High School and he wasn’t already a member of the church in which I was raised, as a matter of fact he’d never heard of it.

So maybe God isn’t Amazon Prime. Maybe you don’t place an order and receive a delivery in 2 hours, pop open the box and find a man who is prepackaged with all the things you want because it’s you who are supposed to inspire him to find the experiences he needs.

#havemorelove #havefundating #lovedating #singleandspiritual #lovemakeovers #datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating