3 Reasons Why You Haven’t Met Your Soulmate – YET

You’re using COVID as an excuse.

You’ve probably heard a lot of women and men talk about how hard it is to date right now, how difficult it is to navigate the online jungle of … strangers, how they wish they didn’t have to date at all and could just be in a romantic relationship, because then they’d have someone to be quarantined with!

And if you’ve heard it without actively contradicting it then you’re thinking it too. And you’re probably saying it without realizing it, commiserating with your friends who get into their pandemic stories with gusto. And the words we hear ourselves say only serve to reinforce the thoughts we think, and so on, and so on…

Keep thinking dating has to be hard right now and guess what? It will be HARD!

You’re using COVID as an excuse.

If you tell yourself that it’s not the right time to try and meet someone; if it’s a ‘scary time’ to be online, if you think you’ll just wait it out until it’s safer…

I’m willing to bet that all of the thoughts you have right now about dating online are the same ones you’ve always had, it’s just that now you have an excuse that seems to you quite plausible.

You used to always have a reason for not putting up a profile, you used to always think it wasn’t the right time for you because you used to always think it was scary to meet people online. Do you see what I mean? It was never not the right time, you used the timing as your excuse for not taking action because you had the thought that it wasn’t safe. And now you get to be right!

I have a friend who is out there, meeting men online and having phone calls and Zoom dates and socially-distanced walks in the park and picnics and she says it’s THE BEST TIME EVER to date!

If you want to make a change and you just don’t know how to start let’s talk. https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/

You’re using COVID as an excuse.

If you think there’s no point in trying to meet someone because you can’t really get close, tell me – what did you used to say about meeting people online before any of us had heard the word pandemic?

You used to complain about dating because you thought that men moved too quickly, trying to get too physical too soon. See what I mean? You used to use men hastening physicality as an excuse to not date, and now your excuse is not being able to be physically close.

None of us knows how long this world-wide situation is going to dictate our social interactions.

If not now, when?

Is something resonating with you but you’re feeling weird about taking action? Click on this link to schedule your 20-minute free call with me. https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/

I promise you this.

There is no better time than Right Now. If you really want to be a partner in an enriched romantic relationship then you simply have to do this:

Be willing to take one small step to propel yourself into the loving partnership you desire!

Here’s how I can help: Do you want to have more love in your life, especially full-on, joyous romantic love and you don’t know how to start? Click on this link to schedule your personal call with me. https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/

3 Reasons Why You Don’t Have the Relationship You Want

You’re doing too much. 

Are you someone who is on the go all the time? Do you pride yourself on always being in action, always doing, always producing? Have you ever given yourself the gift of taking a pause and simply thinking your thoughts and feeling your feelings?

If you haven’t, you’re missing out on one of the joys of romantic relationships – reveling in the feelings of love! Take a moment now and ask yourself why you want to be in a relationship in the first place. It’s probably because of the way you think you’ll feel when you’re in it!

You’re holding yourself back. 

Sometimes I’ll be in the middle of a conversation with someone and realize I’m not fully participating, not being me in my most authentic self. I’m not laughing, I’m not teasing, I’m not telling my interminably long stories… ???? Not only am I not fully shining my light, I’m actively dimming it. I’ve caught myself doing this with women and with men as well as in groups. I think it’s pretty common with women who, at one time or another, have been told that we are “too much.”

If you don’t show people who you are how will the high quality man who’s looking for you and only you ever find you? Think of yourself as a lighthouse – its job is to be sure that every ship in the water knows where the coast is. It does this by beaming its light far and wide, at full capacity. It doesn’t just stand there in the dark and hope ships will stay away. Conversely you can’t simply hope that your right match will find you, you have to create the outcome you ultimately want.

If you want to make a change and you just don’t know how to start let’s talk.  https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/  

You don’t really want to be in a relationship. 

Wow, did you think I was going to say that? Be honest with yourself. Think about all the times you’ve said you’d write a profile and you didn’t. Think back to all the conversations with men that left you questioning if you really want to be with someone – do you? Think about all the times your friends told you that you sabotaged yourself in the pursuit of your “goal.” Maybe you’re not just dimming your light out of fear of being too much, maybe you aren’t really interested in a relationship. But, is that true or is it a thought you’ve been thinking unconsciously to cover for your lack of moving forward?

The only way you’ll know for sure is to dig in and do the work to uncover the thoughts you’re having, because it’s those thoughts that are making you feel the feelings that are fueling your actions – and it’s your actions in the world that are creating the life you are living!

Is something resonating with you but you’re feeling weird about taking action? Click on this link to schedule your 20-minute free call with me. https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/  

I promise you this.

If you really want to feel cherished, adored, respected, desired, admired and loved – it’s yours for the taking! You can have the enriched romantic relationship you crave, and it will be unlike any other you’ve ever experienced because you will finally know what every woman who is blissfully happy knows! You simply have to do this:

Be willing to take one small step to propel yourself into the loving partnership you desire!

Here’s how I can help: Do you want to have more love in your life, especially full-on, joyous romantic love and you don’t know how to start? Click on this link to schedule your personal call with me. https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/  

Do You Want to Feel Happy All the Time?

Want to achieve your desired result? Learn how to manage emotions.

Emotions or feelings – I sometimes use the two words interchangeably. 

Please notice I didn’t say to master emotions. Or manipulate them. Or ignore them. We have emotions because we are people. I’m not sure when some people decided that we ought never to feel our feelings, but I’ve made an observation and I’d love to know what you think –

Some people are vocally opposed to showing emotions, yet they often belittle, insult and bully others. They act out in anger.

Others think that they ought to only ever feel happy in life and if they experience any ‘negative’ emotion they think something has gone terribly wrong. They’re so busy thinking that something is wrong they aren’t feeling happy.

Living, breathing species have feelings, experience emotions. Think about why you want to be in a romantic relationship; it’s probably because of how you think you’ll feel when you’re in it. If you envision being cherished –  how will that feel? How will it feel to be respected, included and loved? If you want to live your best, most fulfilling life and experience fulfilling romantic relationships feeling all your feelings is the only way to go!

Why shouldn’t I feel happy all the time? 

Well, you could … but think about what that means functionally. Do you really want to feel happy when you don’t get a job you want or someone does something unethical or someone you love passes away?

Chances are, you’ll want to feel disappointed or angry or sad. There will always be things in our lives about which happiness would feel out of sync. It doesn’t seem possible that as humans having a life full experience we could truly feel, well, happy, all the time. So what’s the alternative?

If you want to make a change and you just don’t know how to start please schedule a time for us to speak.  https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/  

Imagine how you will feel and embrace it.

The problem isn’t necessarily feeling disappointed or angry or sad, the problem is that you think it will be a huge problem. You think that feeling any of those ‘negative’ emotions will be so uncomfortable that you won’t be able to bear it.

There’s a phrase, sadness is a part of life but suffering is optional. Your belief that feeling a particular feeling will be unbearable is what is causing you to suffer. Truly – think about this – you aren’t feeling the feeling, and yet you are suffering. 

Part of the reason is that by not embracing the feeling that might come later you are causing yourself other ‘negative’ feelings now. Think about it – if you don’t want to risk feeling disappointed if a relationship with a man you really like doesn’t work out you may hide and not even attempt to engage with any men at all. 

Something resonating with you but you’re feeling weird about taking action? Click on this link to schedule your 20-minute free call with me. https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/  

I promise you this.

That’s only one of the reasons to embrace, move toward what you perceive as a negative’ feeling. Another is because you associate that feeling with suffering you avoid anything that you think will make you feel that. So you stay in your little safety zone of comfort and you don’t change, you don’t grow – you don’t start a new business or a new, healthier eating plan – or create the enriched romantic relationship you truly desire.

Are you willing to take one small step to propel yourself into the loving partnership you desire?

Here’s how I can help: Do you want to have more love in your life, especially full-on, joyous romantic love and you don’t know how to start? Click on this link to schedule your personal call with me. https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/  

Your Relationship to What’s Inside

I used to be so alone I might as well have been in quarantine.

There was a time in my life that I didn’t go out a lot. I didn’t have a lot of friends with whom to go out socially and I didn’t get asked out on dates. 

I looked around me and saw so many other women my age who were either in long-term relationships or went from one to another without a lapse in between. Some were thinner, some were not, some were prettier, some were not – but here’s the thing. I always thought they were thinner. I always thought they were prettier. And so I went on a million diets and bought a lot of makeup.

And even when I was faced with the knowledge that it wasn’t true that they were thinner or prettier, or that it even mattered, I couldn’t quite figure out the problem. I just always went back to the same reason. I was convinced  there must be something wrong with me.

As long as I can remember, no matter what question I asked myself about why something wasn’t happening for me, the only answer was – there’s something wrong with me.

Does that sound familiar?

Do you want to feel loved? 

Things started to change for me the day I woke up and realized that I was bored to tears with my life, and I wasn’t going to get another one.There was something standing in the way of me and me in a fulfilling relationship with a quality man and if I didn’t figure out what it was so I could fix it I might as well throw in the towel right then and there. 

I had to stop a) thinking there was a problem inside me and b) thinking the solution would come from someplace else (like a diet or makeup). That doesn’t ever work. The answer is always within. You always know what you need to know about yourself, you just haven’t dug into that part of you. You simply need to learn how to access your knowledge and put it into practice.

The other thing that doesn’t work is to believe you are a problem. The reason I was able to create a massive change in my life is that in addition to being cataclysmically bored, I got tired of believing that there was something inherently wrong with me. There wasn’t ever, and there isn’t anything wrong with you, either, the problem is in the way you’ve been trained to think about yourself. It wasn’t true about me then, and it isn’t true about you now. There’s no upside to continuing to think it, it’s only making you feel bad about yourself.

If you want to make a change and you just don’t know how to start please schedule a time for us to speak.  https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/  

Imagine how you will feel when you have more love.

What do you see in your wildest relationship dreams? See yourself with your partner talking and walking, whispering and laughing over your little secrets. You will feel cherished. You will feel adored. You will feel understood and appreciated and loved beyond measure!  All of this and more is available to you. Truly. 

Something resonating with you but you’re feeling weird about taking action? Click on this link to schedule your 20-minute free call with me. https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/  

I promise you this.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. And yes, you can have the romantic relationship you want with the high-quality man you seek. And remember, the one you seek is seeking you. 

Are you willing to take one small step to propel yourself into the loving partnership you desire?

Here’s how I can help: Do you want to have more love in your life, especially full-on, joyous romantic love and you don’t know how to start? Click on this link to schedule your personal call with me. https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/  

Help You Have the Relationship You Want

How can I help you?

You’re watching all the Facebook Lives, attending all the online classes, tuning in to all the YouTube videos, Zooming and TikToking and hearing about all the ways “everyone” is spending their time, and a lot of it sounds amazing, and a lot of it sounds worthwhile. You’d love to get through this quarantine smarter and thinner than you started and there are so many things you’d like to do, and think you’ll do and … so few things that you actually do.

Are there so many options that you don’t think you know where to start? I can teach you how to make a choice quickly and stick with it. Are there concepts that you think you won’t understand? I can teach you how to learn how.

Why are you resisting taking action? 

Let me take a guess at what the first stumbling block might be – you’re looking at all of the options arrayed before you and being blinded by all the shiny sparkle. Zoom dance class or Zoom yoga? App running club or pastry-baking Live? Dutch on DuoLingo or singing with Dua Lipa? They all look equally delicious! It’s as if you’re standing at a fork in the road that has a dozen prongs and any of them could bring you joy – what to do?

Here’s the time to go back to basics – what are your core values? What are the activities you enjoy doing, the subjects you want to learn more about, the causes you’re willing to fight for? In short – what lights you up? Start there.

If you want to incorporate a concept you’re reading about and you don’t know how to start please schedule a time for us to speak.  https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/  

You know what you want and you’re still not taking action.

Okay, you chose a class, you registered, you bought some cool new gear, you showed up for the first couple of sessions excited and asked lots of questions and … you haven’t done any of the assignments. And the last time the class met you didn’t even turn on your microphone and sat in fear that the teacher might call on you. Or call you out. 

What are you gaining by not participating? What is the upside to not taking action? Yes, it’s true, you are getting something by not doing the thing you think you want to do – but what? Perhaps you know people who don’t have the money to do anything fun right now and you feel guilty for having the disposable income to take a class. Perhaps you feel sad or angry about all the people who are sick or have died while you’re sitting safely at home, maybe it’s simply the safety of staying the same as you’ve always been. 

Yes, and…

Until you answer these questions for yourself you won’t realize what you’re thinking and what feelings those thoughts create. And when you do dig in and do the work, I think you’ll be surprised. It’s really enlightening to see how our thoughts directly affect the results we create for ourselves and how, when we start to manage our thinking everything in our lives becomes different. Lots of people say better and different.

Here’s how I can help: Do you want to have loving, joyous, healthy relationships with everyone in your life and don’t know how to start? Click on this link to schedule your personal call with me. https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/  

Face Up to the Relationship You Want

It’s time to face up to it.

Here’s a truth we’ve been trying to avoid – we’re going to be sheltered in place for a lot longer than we’ve let ourselves think. Now what do you do?

Literally, what do you do? What are you doing with your time, what are you accomplishing for yourself? And I don’t mean cleaning out the cupboards or learning a new language, I’m talking about how you are being, thinking, feeling. All of these are relevant not only now; also to who you want to be later. But let’s talk about now.

If you are able to spend some quality time alone with your own thoughts you are going to be so much happier than someone who seeks continual pleasure in escaping. If you can be open to your thoughts and accept them for now, it will be so much more useful to you in the long run. It’s not the things that happen to you, it’s what you think about the things that happen, that are the basis of all your results in life, and accepting your current thoughts and embracing the discomfort that will come with them, will be the first step in enabling you to create whatever results you choose.

Embracing discomfort? What’s the point of that? 

Have you ever dreamt of being in paradise? I don’t know what it looks like to you, but to me paradise is calm, tranquil and filled with light. Water flows, flowers bloom and birds sing. I guess to me paradise is a lot like Hawaii. So it came as a real shock to learn that Hawaii has an astronomically high rate of crime and incarceration related to drugs, specifically methamphetamine. Why?

Why would so many people live in paradise and turn to drugs? For the same reason people live anywhere and turn to drugs  – they want to avoid thinking their thoughts because those thoughts are often painful and lead to a lot of feelings that are uncomfortable. If their thoughts are causing them pain they think the answer is to not think them, and they think the way to not think is to just do something, anything, else.

Think about this – paradise doesn’t offer all the distractions, the bright lights, loud music, movies, shows, restaurants, parties, ‘scenes’ that we find in other places. That’s why we call it paradise! And yet, without those distractions what it does offer is a lot of time for you to be alone with your thoughts. Just like sheltering in place…

Maybe for you it’s not drugs, maybe it’s shopping or eating or drinking, but if there’s something you do a lot or often (or used to do) so that you don’t have to think your thoughts, that thing isn’t making your life better; it’s not fixing anything, it’s just enabling you to not see your life as it is. And when you don’t let yourself see it you are actually not motivated to change it, to make it better. You just keep allowing it to be the way you don’t want it to be while you ignore it. Would you rather live the life you want or just keep allowing/ignoring the one you don’t?

That’s why, as hard as it is, embracing discomfort will help you finally have all the things in life that you want. And if one of those things is an enriched romantic relationship ask yourself this: Would I rather always feel comfortable with things I don’t want, or have a fulfilling romantic partnership with a quality man? Because, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but those ‘fulfilling romantic relationships’ can be, at times, pretty uncomfortable.

If you want to incorporate a concept you’re reading about and you don’t know how to start please schedule a time for us to speak.  https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/  

How is this all working for you?

It sounds like a cliche but it’s true – this monumental occurrence in everyone’s lives can truly work for you, not against. This is a gift of time, use it to your advantage! Roll up your mental sleeves and figure out what you’ve been thinking that has gotten you to where you are in your relationships right now.

Once you’ve figured out how you got here, and allow yourself to adjust to that and let it feel familiar, then you can start to move forward into where you want to go.  

Here’s how I can help: Do you want to have the loving relationship you’ve always dreamt of and don’t know how to start? Click on this link to schedule your free 20-minute discovery call with me. https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/  

For Your Best Relationship – Get the Weight Off!

It’s all too much.

It started out in March being asked to shelter in place, and not knowing how long it would last. Weeks have become months, there was a little relief, and now it looks like many states have reversed their reversals – we’re being asked to stay at home again; stay off the beach, stay away from the lake – in the height of summer! 

In addition to the concerns around the pandemic, we are being confronted with the reckoning of systemic racism and deciding how to move forward toward creating an anti-racist society. It’s been building, growing, taking you over –  you keep returning to the thought that there’s way too much going on in the world right now and it’s all scary. 

Do you end each day feeling overwhelmed or helpless or both? Have you put on weight while sheltered in place? Have you been engaged in a relationship in which you feel joy or are you not allowing yourself to meet people right now?

Here’s a way for you to take back your power. If you watch the news on TV, read news online, talk to friends about what’s happening, scroll your social media feed and seek out information as often as possible, stop and think about what you’re actually doing.

What can I do about it? 

You’re doing too much. You think whatever “it” is, is all outside of you and “it” is too much, but what is really happening is you are creating it being too much. You’re putting too much emphasis on knowing the news, and the news puts too much emphasis on fear to get and keep your attention, and fear feeds on your sense of peace and compounds your desire to know more – because you think that’s what will help you. You think it’s good for you to be informed, but you wind up feeling overwhelmed and helpless. Here’s why:

Taking in the news delivers the same kind of dopamine hit to your brain that sugar does. And the many, many avenues available to you right now for taking it in 24-7 combined with the focus you can choose (liberal-leaning news vs. conservative-leaning news) is creating the off-the-charts level of fear that is the equivalent of the sugar-coma induced by ingesting high quantities of concentrated and refined food.

It’s just like with food: the proper amount is necessary, too much leads to larger size clothing. Some news keeps you informed, too much leaves you with more of a sense of dis-ease than power. And remember also that your brain thinks whatever delivers dopamine is very important to your survival – so it really believes that concentrated hits are much more important than they really are.

Do you want to lose body fat or is it thoughts that are weighing you down? If you don’t know how to start please schedule a time for us to speak.  https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/  

Not until I dropped the mental weight did the fat come off for good. 

For most of my twenties and thirties I was a size 10 or 12 – the single digit was a dream. I did figure out how to lose large amounts of weight, though, and I remember the day I first fit into a size 8 – hallelujah! Within a year I was back looking for 10’s. 

A few years later I made it down to a 6, then within months was shopping for 8’s again. It seemed as if I was doomed to lose weight and then ‘find’ it again… not the way I wanted to spend my time or mental real estate. Is it the way you want to spend yours?

I used to weigh 375. That’s right. I had a 175-pound body and a 200-pound chip on my shoulder and it wasn’t until that chip came off that the body weight fell away – and has stayed away. That was a revelation for me and I became certified as both a Life and Weight Coach because I want to help you create the love for yourself that is your right – and it starts with you accepting yourself as you are right now, exactly the way you are, the way you look, the way you weigh. 

If you’ve ever told yourself that you don’t deserve love – or anything else – because of your weight, if you’ve ever thought you can’t possibly be loved because of your weight, that is so not true. I will gladly share with you all that I have been taught, and have experienced and created in my own life transformation. 

If you want to stop weighing yourself down and you don’t know how to start, please schedule a time for us to speak for absolutely no charge to you.  https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/ 

Move Forward Into Your Relationships

What do you wish you could change?

We’re living in an unprecedented moment of possibility, not only in this country, in the world. We are living in a time when we are being urged to stay in our homes in order to protect our physical health from a pandemic and being urged to take to the streets to put an end to the system that has protected the perpetrators of systemic racism and violence against Black people. It is, in short, a reckoning.

One definition of reckoning is: the action or process of calculating or estimating something. Some of us do this; have a moment or many moments of reckoning every day, although it may not seem as monumental as what we’re confronting now. And yet, when we spend our time wishing things had been different it stalls our progress, it holds us back, it keeps us stuck.

If you are dwelling on a choice you made then that you regret now, be honest with yourself – are you stuck? Is it holding you in the past rather than allowing you to live fully in the present? And perhaps most importantly – are you not moving forward because you don’t trust yourself to make choices for your future?

Do you want to create a change in your relationships or in yourself, and you don’t know how to start? Please schedule a time for us to speak.  https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/  

What do you think ought to have been different? 

I’m originally from New York, and after my mother passed away my dad moved out to the west coast, not very far from where I was living. We saw each other regularly. When he first moved here he was fit, very able to walk or take the bus to wherever he wanted to go and he spent his days exploring. When he became ill he was admitted into the hospital, and after a few weeks was sent to a rehabilitation center. 

This wasn’t the first time I’d sat with him in the emergency room for hours. I saw him every day in the hospital, sometimes only for an hour, sometimes for 2. I saw him every day in the rehab facility, again, sometimes only for an hour. I had the feeling that it was going to be a long haul and I intended to be there every day, so I figured out how and when I could do it and still maintain the activities I was obligated to perform – among them was working a job so I could support myself. There were days I spent more time in traffic than I did with him, but I told myself at least I’d been there.

The doctors told me he wouldn’t be able to go back to his own apartment. I automatically asked him if he wanted us to live together and he said yes. So I started to look for a new, larger place and figure out how to merge our two households. After only a few days I realized this was not the right answer. He needed a level of care I was not able to provide and the case worker agreed with me. She gave me a list of nursing facilities that she thought would be a good fit for him, and I started to visit them.

Then it felt like this wasn’t the right answer either. I was thoroughly conflicted, and yet I knew the day would come when my dad would be released from this center and he’d need a place to land. And it felt like my job to provide that for him.

He never asked me about the plans for our moving in together. I tried to talk to him about other facilities and he wasn’t interested in hearing about that. He was acting more and more unsettled, so I just kept visiting places and talking to professionals and keeping up the commitment I’d made to myself to be there every day. Not all day, but at least some part of every day.

Shortly after that, after about 6 weeks in total in the rehab center, I got a call in the middle of the night that my dad had passed away in his sleep. 

What do you really believe?

That was 13 years ago last week and there are moments I still relive it. What if I hadn’t offered to have us live together without thinking it all the way through first? What if I had found a lovely facility and moved him into it quicker? What if he’d been sent to a different rehab center with different doctors (i.e. different advice) in the first place? Would he have been happier? Would he have been more willing to participate in conversations about his care? 

Honestly, what I’m really asking myself is – if I’d done something different would my dad have passed away when he did? Because  that’s the ultimate thing, right? Would he have lived longer, would he still be with us now even, if anything had been different then?

Here’s something I’ve realized over time; as humans we spend a lot of time looking both forward and back. We stand in this present moment and look back on a choice that we made and believe with absolute certainty that if we’d only made the other choice everything would have been better. We made the wrong choice and the other choice would have been the right one! 

Or, we stand in this present moment faced with a choice we have to make for our future and can only see what’s wrong with either option. We can’t find an upside to either one. And so we do nothing, because for some reason we don’t understand that not choosing is a choice. 

How come the crystal ball tells us the past could have been good but the future can’t possibly be? I can’t know that. Dwelling on it doesn’t help me live in the present, and it certainly doesn’t help me move forward and live my life fully into the future. And dwelling on whatever your thing is isn’t helping you move forward either. 

I am certified as both a Life and Weight Coach and I will gladly share with you all that I have been taught, and have experienced and created in my own life transformation.

If you want to stop dwelling on something from your past so you can start living your life and you don’t know how to start, please schedule a time for us to speak.  https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/