Where Are You?

One day it occurred to me that if my life had been a science experiment, I was the only constant. I had changed everything, or so I thought. I had lived in 3 different states, I had made new friends, I had so many different kinds of jobs I can’t even remember them all, and I had dated men who were so very different from the ones I’d dated in college and my early twenties.

But even with all of this outer change I still wasn’t happy. In that moment I realized I was the constant that hadn’t shifted in all that time and it finally dawned on me that if I wanted my outcomes to be different, the change would have to happen within me. It wasn’t easy, it wasn’t comfortable, but ultimately it was really worth the discomfort I went through to take an honest inventory of myself. I had taken on a lot of other people’s beliefs and behaviors, and they were hiding my true self like a cloud hides the sun.

Have you ever had the experience of taking off on a flight on a stormy day, rising higher and higher through thick, grey clouds until … finally the plane breaks through and you are bathed in gloriously glowing sun? Even if we can’t see it, the sun is always present. Even in the middle of our own night, the sun hasn’t left the universe, it’s simply seen to be shining in another time zone.

Do you feel like nobody sees the real you? Perhaps it’s because you’re not showing them who you really are. Do you realize you can absolutely change that for yourself? Please, comment below and tell me how you feel about taking back your own power and changing the experiences you’re having of dating.

 

#havemorelove #havefundating #lovedating #singleandspiritual #lovemakeovers #datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating

Embrace All of Your Self

All of it.

All of you.

How? How do you start to embrace the one thing – your entire self – made up of so many seemingly disparate things – your qualities – that you’ve habitually undervalued, insulted, complained and joked about as long as you can remember?

You do it the way you do anything else that’s brand-new – one step at a time.

One step might be to try on a new thought. Consider that with 7 billion people in the world it’s entirely possible that there’s one person who will love the very thing you dislike so intensely. Why don’t you give them a chance to do that?

Do you seek an enriched romantic relationship? Or do you just wish dating didn’t have to feel so hard? Whichever version of human connection you choose, the first steps in the process are:

  • Know your value and your values.
  • Do your own qualities inventory. Just one inclusive list
  • Decide what kind of lifestyle will best suit you.

Now do the math – add up your values, qualities and desired lifestyle and you’ll determine the essential qualities you’re looking for in a partner.

#havemorelove #havefundating #lovedating #singleandspiritual #lovemakeovers #datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating

 

International Women’s Day 2021

If we are to strengthen the foundations of our shared humanity we must begin by developing trust for each other.
If we are to trust each other we must support other women, not undermine each other.
Today, as we embrace all women around the world in our thoughts remember – think globally, act locally.
Begin by trusting yourself.

Own Yourself

 

Self-love, self-esteem, self-respect, self-awareness, self-growth, self-knowledge, self-sabotage, self-storage (just wanted to see if you’re paying attention ūüėČ

One dictionary definition of self: a person’s essential being that distinguishes them from others, especially considered as the object of introspection or reflexive action

When I first started auditioning for commercials, I would regularly walk into rooms filled with women who looked enough like me to confuse my own grandmother. How did they ever choose the one actor to represent their product? Even though they obviously had a preference about how they wanted their spokesperson to look, booking the gig came down to her qualities.

essential … distinguish from …

What are the qualities essential to yourself, to you being you, that distinguish you from any other person who could be confused with you?

Having posed that Q, what popped to mind? Are you reveling in thoughts of your compassion, sparkling wit and generous spirit? Or are you mired in the list that includes your hiccupy laugh, lack of patience and how you talk too much when you get nervous?

Each of your qualities is essential because taken together they make up yourself in your unique, God-given glory. If even one went missing, you would not be the woman your right match is seeking at this very moment in time. To decide that some are good, others are better, and some are never to be mentioned, is to deny yourself an integral part of you. Each makes up the part that sets you apart.

What do you think might happen if you decided that all the parts of you are equal? How might you feel if you choose to believe that your laugh is just as valid as the wit it represents?

I have an idea … you might start to embrace true ownership of yourself. All of yourself.

 

#havemorelove #havefundating #lovedating #singleandspiritual #lovemakeovers #datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating

Have More!

Dating.

Think thoughts that will

Flame feelings that will

Fuel actions that will

Create the results you want to have.

It’s really that simple.

Simple, not easy.

If you want to do this and need help figuring out how, dm me.

#havemorelove #havefundating #lovedating #singleandspiritual #lovemakeovers #datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating 

Do More for You!

 

You tell yourself every single day that you could do so much more than you do.

Why don’t you?

I’m not talking about the myriad tasks that you make time to do for others, the things that clutter your calendar and your thoughts and leave you feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. I mean the things you really want to be doing like dating, for instance.

Here’s one thing you can do for yourself that is quick and very effective:

Take 5 minutes every day and clear out all the thoughts in your head. Just sit down with a piece of paper, a journal, or the back of an envelope and a pen, a crayon or a lipstick, and whatever you’re thinking, just get it out onto the paper.

I’m willing to bet you’ll discover some thoughts you don’t even realize you’re thinking, like; people will laugh if I say I’m dating, nobody I’d want is going to want to date somebody like me, all the men my age want much younger women, if it hasn’t happened by now it never will, I’m too old for this.

All of these thoughts about how you can’t date are keeping you from dating! And they’re all lies. But here’s the biggest lie of all and it’s the one that’s really crushing your chances of finding the love you have wanted for a long time – I don’t even think I want to do this anymore.

When you’re aware of what you really think of your chances of fulfilling your dream and see that you’ve convinced yourself you don’t even want it, you’ll realize why it is that you always make the choice to do things for others. Because in all honesty, if I had the thoughts about my relationship chances that you have about yours, I wouldn’t be in my current relationship.

The truth is – I used to have the same thoughts you do, and they created the same results – I wasn’t dating. I was happy. I was living a good life. A good life, not a rich one. I’ve learned how to think thoughts that create feelings that lead me to take the actions that have changed my life, and I can help you do the same.

#havemorelove #havefundating #lovedating #singleandspiritual #lovemakeovers #datingandrelationships #onlinedating #midlifedating

Provide For Your Own Needs

I’m in a still-new relationship with a man who is not shy about telling me how wonderful he thinks I am, and how much he wants us to spend a lot of time together and planning all the adventures he wants us to have together. Literally planning, like, telling me we ought to sit down and make a list of things we’d like to do and places we’d like to go.

Did I mention he thinks I’m wonderful and wants to spend as much time with me as possible?

There is a real, live, high-quality man saying all the things to me that I’ve always wanted a man to say. Did I feel appreciated? Reassured? Loved? In the moment I felt nervous.

Suddenly I was hearing the words I’d always wanted to hear, and I didn’t feel any of the feelings I’d thought I would. This is a topic I will expand upon another time.

For now, I’ll tell you that I didn’t feel appreciated, reassured or loved because I already feel those feelings every day and I know they have nothing to do with a man – no matter who he is.

My feeling the feelings I want to feel only has to do with my thoughts about myself and how I’ve learned to appreciate, reassure and love myself.

If you want to meet your right match, and you’ve done everything you know how to do, I have a solution for you. Let’s get on a video call; you tell me what you think about yourself, about dating, about your chances of meeting a high-quality man – and then I’ll tell you exactly what you can do to create the relationship you desire.

#havemorelove

Why Do You Seek What You Need From Others?

 

Do you know who started the rumor that other people are responsible for our feelings?

Probably the same person who thought it was a good idea for all of us to spend our entire lives trying to get 7 billion people to change so that we can feel better.

You know that getting your needs met is not about getting a man to do things for you, because you’ve tried that before. Men have called you first thing in the morning. They’ve txted you late at night. Perhaps a man may even have said he loved you. Was any of it satisfying? No.

Because you don’t need him to do the things, you need to feel the feelings, and …

Your feelings are not dependent on what a man does, they’re dependent on what you think about what he does. That means that a man could call or txt or tell you he loves you and it might not mean a thing to you. Or he could do none of those things and you could still feel appreciated, reassured or loved.

Your experience of a relationship comes from your thoughts, not your partner’s actions. If you want to feel appreciated you can, even if he doesn’t call. If you want to feel reassured, you can do that, too, even if he doesn’t message you. And if you want to feel loved? Yup, that is also totally within your control. As a matter of fact, not only is it within your ability to create, it is exclusively within your ability – not anybody else’s.

I’ll be right here, so when you’re ready to have your needs met and you can’t figure out how for yourself, dm me!

#havemorelove

What Do You Really Need?

Why do you want to be in a romantic relationship? If you say it’s so you’ll have a partner to do things with, do things for you, or do things for, I want you to ask yourself why.

Because the answer isn’t just so you’ll have a partner to do things with, do things for you or do things for.

You don’t want things simply to have them. Like everything else that people do, you want things because of how you think having them will make you feel.

Think back to the things you’ve wanted men to do for you – “Call me first thing in the morning. Message me last thing at night. Tell me you love me.”

Perhaps you felt appreciated when he called. Reassured when he sent a txt. Loved when he said he loved you.

Those feelings came from what you made those actions mean. If what you need is to feel appreciated or reassured or loved those feelings have nothing to do with a phone call, a txt or a sentence. They have everything to do with the significance you assign to them.

The significance you assign… your thought about what he did or said.

So, what do you really need? Not, what do your friends say they need. Not, what does your cousin say you deserve. Not, what does that book of rules say you ought to ask for – what do you really need?

If you want to ensure that your needs are met, first be very clear with yourself about exactly what it is that you are seeking. That’s the absolute first step in getting it.

The second step is knowing what to do with your answer.

When you’re ready to get your true needs met and you don’t know how to do that on your own, I’ll be right here.

#havemorelove

#havefundating

#lovedating

#lovemakeovers

#datingandrelationships

#onlinedating

#midlifedating

Stop Waiting Start Having

 

What are you saying? I’m living a full life; I have family and friends and my work and all the nice things my hard work allows me. I’m not waiting for anything!

I have a beautiful home, but of course it’s just a condo. I can’t have a house until I’m married, right?

I drive a nice car, although I do wish I was a passenger in someone else’s more frequently. And had someone who would take care of the maintenance on his and mine.

I do want to date, but I’m way too focused on my work right now, although of course I’ll make time to be in a relationship, because that’s what’s really important to me and I know I’m going to do it 100%, just like I do everything else!

What does it really mean to become the woman who has the relationship you want in order to have it? It means owning your home mentally as well as financially right now, whether it’s a condo, townhome or house. It means acknowledging all the men in your life now, including your dad, brother, handy man or mechanic.

What it means most of all is understanding that if you don’t make room for your relationship now time won’t suddenly manifest later.

Stop waiting to have the love you want. It’s the only way to have the love you want.

If you want to meet your right match, and you’ve done everything you know how to do, I have a solution for you! Let’s get on a video call; you tell me the reason you think it hasn’t happened yet, and I’ll tell you what is really holding you back. I promise, it isn’t what you think.¬† DM me!

#havemorelove