Technical Difficulties

Are you on social media every day because you’re afraid that if you’re not constantly seen you’ll be forgotten?

Do you think that in order to build (run, maintain) your business you must be on all the sites, at all times of the day (and night)?

Do you always feel like you’re missing out on something no matter how much you do? Have you taken a good look at what you do vs. the results you achieve?

Last March 28th I set myself the goal of posting a blog every Wednesday for one year.

And I did so faithfully for 9 months. Until… Last Wednesday I was not able to get my computer started no matter what I did and I didn’t have time to stay home and baby it. I had places to be and things to do and (with a wink to The Rolling Stones), time waits for no mac.

Did I wish I could have continued the roll? Yes. Do I think the entire exercise must start anew or else it won’t ‘count’ because I missed one week out of 52? Absolutely not.

This is not a failure, this is a fail.

Huuuuge difference!

What’s the difference? When something does not go as expected, as planned, or as desired, and you step back and evaluate it, figure out what didn’t work and why, and take that knowledge forward with you to the future, that is a fail.

When something goes amiss and you judge it and yourself, decide that it was all for naught, it was a terrible idea, I should have known this would happen, what a waste of time, see, I told you it wouldn’t work, what was I thinking, I couldn’t possibly have done this … that’s a failure.

Because you’re not evaluating it, you’re not taking anything away from it that you can put to good use later. You’re not learning from it. And if you’ll notice, the focus of your wrath and rant is on you, not on the workings of the thing itself.

Sometimes things fail and what’s sad is that often when things fail people consider themselves failures and they stop trying to do whatever it was that they did that failed. Rather than taking the fail as a lesson and applying curiosity to it, changing, growing, trying again and eventually succeeding they take it as an omen, apply judgment to themselves and stay stuck and unhappy.

If you’ve had failed relationships in the past you’re not a failure, you’re a human.

If you’re a woman human and you’d like to create a loving relationship with a man human I’ll tell you a little secret. Sometimes men experience fails, too.

And the men who can take those fails as lessons and apply curiosity to them appreciate women who can do the same. Smart Girl, I’d love to help you meet your human and the only way you’ll do that is to make a decision and take an action!

I know you can do it! I also know you will feel so much better on the other side! And if you need help, I’m only a click away.

Do you desire more love in your life? You can have more love!

Do you want to have more fun dating? You can have more fun!

Don’t know where to start or how to get to the next rung of the relationship ladder? I would love to help! Please contact me at info@lenaehrenberg.com and we can schedule a free, 20 minute phone call so that you can tell me what you believe is holding you back and I can offer you at least one, specific, action you can take that will change your results.

What if today is the day you take an action that propels you forward into the rest of your happy, loving, romantic life!

Right now, take a moment and affirm for yourself:

I can either win or I can learn, but I can’t … oh, no, wait, … I can do it all!

 PS: I appeared in more searches on LinkedIn last week – the week I didn’t post – than I have in any other week since I started posting. Coincidence? I think not!

Happy New You!

Happy New You!

2 days in – how’s it going for you so far? Are you feeling energized? Committed? Determined to make this the year you co-create your romantic partnership?

Will this year be the year you’ll Have More Love?

Here’s one thing that was made crystal clear to me in 2018 – if you want to feel loved you have to feel love.

Let me say that again – in order to feel the love that you want to receive for yourself you must feel love for, give love to, others.

Isn’t that amazing?

What if so much of what you think is outside of your control in your life is very much within it? What if your life is not determined by other people’s words or actions, it’s determined by your response to other people’s words and actions?

Yup, it’s true. Your thoughts, your feelings, your actions are what create your life and you’re the one who gets to make it happen the way you want it to be!

Lena, how the heck do I do that?

Here’s my offer to you, Smart Girl – if you allow yourself to move outside your current temperate living zone and explore the possibilities of what might be, if you follow your curiosity and wonder, I will be there to guide you. You don’t have to figure it all out for yourself you only need to be willing to have help navigating.

I know you can do it! I also know you will feel so much better on the other side! And if you need help, I’m only a click away.

Do you desire more love in your life? You can have more love!

Do you want to have more fun dating? You can have more fun!

Don’t know where to start or how to get to the next rung of the relationship ladder? I would love to help! Please contact me at info@lenaehrenberg.com and we can schedule a free, 20 minute phone call so that you can tell me what you believe is holding you back and I can offer you at least one, specific, action you can take that will change your results.

What if today is the day you take an action that propels you forward into the rest of your happy, loving, romantic life!

Right now, take a moment and affirm for yourself:

Each moment, each hour, each day, each week I create a year filled with love!

No Regrets!

In one short week from today we’ll be in a brand new year! Before I make resolutions (for my secret about that read to the end) I take a personal inventory; how am I today compared to how I was before? Who am I today, compared to who I was yesterday, last month or last year?

In my very first post of this year, even though it was a few months into the calendar, I talked about waking up with thoughts of love and gratitude, and I still do that daily. I open my eyes and consciously choose to wonder, what do I love? What am I grateful for? Who am I grateful for? Who do I love? Who loves me? The list has gotten longer every single day.

I don’t have a set way to do this. Sometimes I make a mental list in my thoughts, sometimes I pull out an old notebook, sometimes a pretty journal; I allow myself to be led to that morning’s choice and know it’s always the right one.

As my list of love and gratitude has lengthened my ability to state my affirmations with conviction and hold them with firm belief has gotten easier. Coincidence? I think not.

And as I affirm I evolve.

I could do what I think some of you might be doing, look at the physical manifestations of my life and think that nothing’s changed. Do you still live in the same place, drive the same car, earn the same income as you did last year? Are you still single? Do you think that’s what makes you who you are?

Rather, look at the experiences you’ve had and revel in all the skill it took you to achieve them, the actual tools you had to learn and the mental evolution you created to make them happen.

In 2018 I was a guest for multiple radio and podcast interviews – first times for each!

I gave my first live talk on being a foster parent and I did a TEDx Talk!

For half the year I was in a relationship with a man whose depth of character is my new ‘type.’

I showed up and didn’t hold back. I used to believe that if I held back and didn’t allow myself to be ‘too attached’ it would make any possible ending easier to handle. Now I firmly believe that my willingness to be all in is what helped me move through the ending with grace and strength and without blaming myself or tearing myself apart – there was nothing I didn’t say or do in the moment. I was complete and I felt absolutely no need for ‘closure.’

Someone once said that they only regret the things they hadn’t done. So here’s one of my biggest takeaways from 2018. If I do it all in the moment I have nothing to regret after the fact. I highly recommend it!

We’re on the cusp of a Brand New Year! Infinite possibilities, opportunities to start anew and create different results! How will you change? How will you grow? How will next year be different from this one?

Here’s my secret to resolutions – I only make one and I’ve been making the same one every year – I resolve to make different mistakes this year than I’ve made in the past.

I wish you much love, peace, success and pure joy!

Will next year be the year you’ll Have More Love?

I know you can do it! I also know you will feel so much better on the other side! And if you need help, I’m only a click away.

Do you desire more love in your life? You can have more love!

Do you want to have more fun dating? You can have more fun!

Don’t know where to start or how to get to the next rung of the relationship ladder? I would love to help! Please contact me at info@lenaehrenberg.com and we can schedule a free, 20 minute phone call so that you can tell me what you believe is holding you back and I can offer you at least one, specific, action you can take that will change your results.

What if today is the day you take an action that propels you forward into the rest of your happy, loving, romantic life!

Right now, take a moment and affirm for yourself:

As I affirm I evolve!

Practice, Practice, Practice!

What is the point of a romantic relationship?

I believe that they occur for the same reason any other relationship does – so that each one of us can grow. Every situation we encounter in life has the potential to be a lesson for us and the other people involved our teachers.

If we’re open (to learning) and honest (with ourselves) and vulnerable (ah, there’s a scary word!), each relationship, each interaction, really, will take us further along the road to what I think is the ultimate in self-improvement – true self-love.

It only works out this way if we allow ourselves to honestly see our part, take responsibility for what truly is our stuff, and change our behavior. All too often we don’t. Do you?

When a relationship has ended do you immediately blame him for everything that went wrong? Do your friends, in a display of misguided solidarity, tell you what they always thought was wrong with him and how you’re better off? Or,

Do you immediately blame yourself? Do you spin for hours over everything you said and did looking for the one thing that you ought to have done differently? (This is not honestly seeing your part; it is destructive to your ability to see your part)

Neither of these is helpful if your goal is to create better, healthier, happier relationships in the future.

Have you ever allowed yourself the time and space for the heated feelings to dissipate before you honestly evaluate the interactions you had and what you might learn in hindsight?

After a breakup a Smart Girl might say she understands what happened and leave it at that; a Wise Woman will seek to understand and then learn to change her behavior so that she doesn’t repeat the same mistakes again.

One thing I’ve learned in the last few years is that I’ve never really learned something by being taught it; I’ve only ever truly learned something by putting it into practice.

We’re on the cusp of a Brand New Year! Infinite possibilities, opportunities to start anew and create different results! How will you change? How will you grow? How will next year be different from this one?

Will next year be the year you’ll Have More Love?

I know you can do it! I also know you will feel so much better on the other side! And if you need help, I’m only a click away.

Do you desire more love in your life? You can have more love!

Do you want to have more fun dating? You can have more fun!

Don’t know where to start or how to get to the next rung of the relationship ladder? I would love to help! Please contact me at info@lenaehrenberg.com and we can schedule a free, 20 minute phone call so that you can tell me what you believe is holding you back and I can offer you at least one, specific, action you can take that will change your results.

What if today is the day you take an action that propels you forward into the rest of your happy, loving, romantic life!

Right now, take a moment and affirm for yourself:

In every moment I practice, I learn, I grow, I love myself!

Can You Feel the Love?

What is it that is so devastating about the end of a relationship? Is it the need to redesign the future? Is it the instinct to question the past?

After an ending that caught me totally by surprise it occurred to me that the thoughts causing me the most pain were that I wouldn’t feel loved and also, I would no longer be able to love this person because he said he didn’t love me.

I mean, I’d gotten quite used to the feeling and the act of loving him and now I’d have to stop loving him – and not feel loved myself – simply because he didn’t have the good sense to love me.

This was totally unacceptable.

Do you think of love as an emotion, a noun, a mystical, magical feeling that occurs without any action or control on your part? Do you believe you can feel love only when someone else loves you? If this is true it makes sense to believe that if someone who loves us leaves us we will no longer be loved, so we will no longer feel love.

I don’t believe it’s true.

I bet that if you think about how you physically feel when you’re angry you’ll realize you feel tense, hot, tight, – you feel angry when you are angry. It’s the same thing with love.

Love is an action, a verb; it’s by acting on it, by loving others, that we feel love.

A few years ago I had a short relationship with a man who I adored and who said he adored me, although his actions never matched his words. Meaning, he said he wanted to see me and couldn’t manage to actually show up. I let that go on for 6 weeks. And I let myself howl at the moon for a year and a half after, full of righteous indignation until the day I was sick and tired of feeling angry. So I had a radical idea. What if I just decided to love him? From that moment on anytime I thought of him I’d think, “I love you and I wish you a good life.” I honestly don’t know if he’s having a good life, but from the very first thought I felt better!

A weight was lifted off my heart.

It’s a method I’ve employed ever since. After the end of my next relationship it took me a few months to work through all the phases and start to love him again.

And this most recent ending that blindsided me?

On Friday night I discovered the feelings I’d been having were not mutual. On Saturday morning I awoke feeling sad about not loving him anymore, then realized the choice was mine. Not only could I, I’d better keep on loving him. Not for him, for me. For my sake, my feelings, my sense of peace and my ability to love unguardedly again.

Will it happen overnight and without a hitch? No. Will I put this into practice perfectly? No way. There will be ups and downs, tears and fears, steps forward and giant leaps sideways.

I will be perfectly imperfect in my pursuit. But allowing myself to sit in feeling sad, mad or devastated without being in the process of feeling love instead is no longer an option.

I choose to engage in life from love.

Want to join me?

I know you can do it! I also know you will feel so much better on the other side! And if you need help, I’m only a click away.

Do you desire more love in your life? You can have more love!

Do you want to have more fun dating? You can have more fun!

Don’t know where to start or how to get to the next rung of the relationship ladder? I would love to help! Please contact me at info@lenaehrenberg.com and we can schedule a free, 20 minute phone call so that you can tell me what you believe is holding you back and I can offer you at least one, specific, action you can take that will change your results.

What if today is the day you take an action that propels you forward into the rest of your happy, loving, romantic life!

Right now, take a moment and affirm for yourself:

I feel loved when I love!

Another Idea Worth Spreading

I did it! Yesterday I was onstage at TEDxBartonSpringsWomen 2018!

 Now that this portion of the experience is complete, I’d like to share some of what I thought about doing a TED Talk and some of what I learned is actually true about doing a TED Talk. (Here’s a link to last week’s post describing a little bit of what got me there  https://lenaehrenberg.com/2018/11/28/an-idea-worth-spreading/)

I thought in order to be eligible to stand on the dot I would have to have proven my worth by having either built a multi-comma business or being seen by others as an expert in my field.

I thought that once I was rocking that business success or expertise they would seek me out.

I thought that at that mystical date in the distant future when I’d be doing a Talk I would feel 100% confident and ready because of all the ways I’ve listed above that would have proven my worth from the outside.

The truth is I was accepted because the organizers felt I had an idea worth sharing that I developed from having had personal experience of it and seeing evidence of it in others.

The truth is a good friend forwarded an application with a note that read, “This isn’t the right time for me now, what about you?”

The truth is that throughout this process I’ve vacillated between 100% confident and ready and 100% scared, confident and ready.

The truth I learned is that doing a TED Talk is like doing, or not doing, anything else in life. We have to say, “I’m going to risk failing at this.” and then we have to take the action; submit the application, ask for the date, do whatever it is we’re scared to do.

If we only measure our worth to the world by commas, percentages and what others think of us we’ll miss out on the worth in our humanity, the value in our experiences – and so will the rest of the world!

That’s another idea worth spreading!

I know you can do it! I also know you will feel so much better on the other side! And if you need help, I’m only a click away.

Do you desire more love in your life? You can have more love!

Do you want to have more fun dating? You can have more fun!

Don’t know where to start or how to get to the next rung of the relationship ladder? I would love to help! Please contact me at info@lenaehrenberg.com and we can schedule a free, 20 minute phone call so that you can tell me what you believe is holding you back and I can offer you at least one, specific, action you can take that will change your results.

What if today is the day you take an action that propels you forward into the rest of your happy, loving, romantic life!

Right now, take a moment and affirm for yourself:

I measure myself by my actions, not other people’s reactions.

An Idea Worth Spreading

In less than one week from today I will be onstage at

TEDxBartonSpringsWomen 2018!

The title of my Talk: What Are You Allowing?

The title came naturally from the idea I shared with the organizers. They thought my idea was worth spreading.

At its heart TED is all about introducing people to ideas. It’s about looking at things from a fresh perspective, elevating thought to higher levels so that we can discuss and debate, think and grow.

What it’s not all about is standing on a red dot and ‘going viral.’ Those are just some of the actions by which the ideas are spread. They are what you see, not the intended goal of the experience. They are part of the physical trappings.

It’s similar to creating a relationship. You may have a list of things you want your man to be, have and do. Being, having and doing items are attributes, physical trappings, not qualities. They are about the things you see, not the person he is.

In TED Talks the ideas are rooted in the presenters’ experiences and observations. That’s what makes them compelling. We’ve each made a discovery about how we fit into the world and about how we believe it could be better and brighter for all of us.

So let’s think about that in relation to your list. Are you looking for a partner whose values will complement your values, whose qualities will support the ways in which you fit into the world?

That’s an idea worth spreading!

I know you can do it! I also know you will feel so much better on the other side! And if you need help, I’m only a click away.

Do you desire more love in your life? You can have more love!

Do you want to have more fun dating? You can have more fun!

Don’t know where to start or how to get to the next rung of the relationship ladder? I would love to help! Please contact me at info@lenaehrenberg.com and we can schedule a free, 20 minute phone call so that you can tell me what you believe is holding you back and I can offer you at least one, specific, action you can take that will change your results.

What if today is the day you take an action that propels you forward into the rest of your happy, loving, romantic life!

Right now, take a moment and affirm for yourself:

I have an idea worth spreading and I’m sharing it in my unique way!

Thankful

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.

It’s a day to actively acknowledge all the good you experience. It’s a day to consciously bask in your gratitude. It’s a day to think compassionately about our shared experiences. It’s a day.

It’s one day of the year out of 365.

What might your life be like if every day you choose to actively acknowledge all the good in your life?

What might your life be like if every day you consciously bask in your gratitude?

What might your life be like if every day you think compassionately about our shared experiences?

I’m offering you a challenge, Smart Girl, because I know you’re up to the task – for the next 364 days I want you to acknowledge good, bask in gratitude and think with compassion– and then meet me here next Thanksgiving and tell me all about your amazing life!

Happy Thanksgiving.

 

Do you desire more love in your life? You can have more love!

Do you want to have more fun dating? You can have more fun!

Don’t know where to start or how to get to the next rung of the relationship ladder? I would love to help! Please contact me at info@lenaehrenberg.com and we can schedule a free, 20 minute phone call so that you can tell me what you believe is holding you back and I can offer you at least one, specific, action you can take that will change your results.

What if today is the day you take an action that propels you forward into the rest of your happy, loving, romantic life!

Right now, take a moment and affirm for yourself:

I know how much good I have in my life and I’m thankful for it!

C’mon, Get Happy!

When I lose weight I’ll be happy.

When I have a boyfriend I’ll be happy.

When I get married I’ll be happy.

When I have a better job I’ll be happy.

When I have my own business I’ll be happy.

Do any of these statements sound familiar?

Happiness isn’t magic. Okay, it’s magical, but it’s not magic. You don’t blink your eyes or twitch your nose and suddenly feel happy.

Have you ever woken up the day after a birthday and felt very different than you did the day before? Probably not. It’s the same thing with losing weight – you might feel smaller but you’ll still feel like you.

Especially if you’re a you who hasn’t learned how to deal effectively with any of the issues that caused you to overeat in the first place. It won’t matter that you’re wearing a smaller size dress if your neighbors expect you to always drive carpool and your siblings expect you to chauffeur mom to all her doctors’ appointments all while your boss expects you to stay as late as necessary to cover everyone else’s vacations. (That bag of Double-stuff Oreos is looking better and better, isn’t it?)

Same goes for the boyfriend or the marriage. You won’t feel instantaneously happy, you will feel weird, strange, odd, off-balance, off-kilter, however you explain it when it’s all terribly different, because after all these years (and for many of us it truly is years) it’s not just you anymore, there’s an entirely other human being waking up next to you – and he doesn’t think that a bite of leftover spaghetti and a Frappuccino counts as breakfast. (I know, weird, right? That’s what I said…)

Having a better job doesn’t make you happy, being happy will get you a better job. And – old joke – What do you call people who believe that starting a business will make them happy immediately? Employees!

The thing is, Smart Girl, you need to learn to be happy now. Right here, right now, where you are, while you’re doing what you’re doing and with whom you’re doing it. Happiness is not about things or places or people, it’s about what you’re thinking and believing and feeling about yourself in relation to those things, places and people. Your ability to be happy depends on how you are willing to be.

Then, when you’ve got the happiness thing down you can move it around to any situation, location or circumstance. And you will move right along with it!

I know you can do it! I also know you will feel so much better on the other side! And if you need help, I’m only a click away.

Do you desire more love in your life? You can have more love!

Do you want to have more fun dating? You can have more fun!

Don’t know where to start or how to get to the next rung of the relationship ladder? I would love to help! Please contact me at info@lenaehrenberg.com and we can schedule a free, 20 minute phone call so that you can tell me what you believe is holding you back and I can offer you at least one, specific, action you can take that will change your results.

What if today is the day you take an action that propels you forward into the rest of your happy, loving, romantic life!

Right now, take a moment and affirm for yourself:

My happiness starts with me – and I choose to be happy!