Great Expectations!

When we look around the world, at different people who live very different lives, it’s easy to believe that some people don’t get what they deserve and that others don’t deserve what they get.

The truth is; while we might not always get what we deserve we will most often get what we expect.

Your expectations are your beliefs about what life has to offer you and they are what enable you to be in the game rather than simply watching from the sidelines. If you believe that life happens to you, that you have no control over what happens in your relationships or work, that your life results are at the effect of other people and circumstances, you have sidelined yourself.

Louise Hay made a statement that delights me! On her audio How You Can Use Power Thoughts she says, “I give to life exactly what I want life to give to me.” Life is a two-way street! We don’t just wait to see if Life thinks we deserve goodness, we interact with Life and create the experience we want!

Do you think often of the things you want from Life? How often do you think about the things you can give back, the things you need to give back in order to have the life you want, to be in the game and not merely a bystander? One of those things is your expectation of good. If you want Life to give you Abundance! Joy! Peace! yet you only ever give back the expectation of lack and limitation that’s all you’ll ever experience. As a matter of fact, that’s how you are creating your experience.

How do you do it? How do you change the way you think so you can change the way you feel so you can behave differently and ultimately have different (Better! Richer! More Fun!) results in your life? How do you change your expectations?

One of the things I do is consciously shift my thoughts. When I’m in a situation where I can see the possibility of negative thinking (or when I catch myself after the negativity has started) I go into my pantry of possibility and pull a positive thought off the shelf. When you look for opportunities to change you’ll find them all around you.

I currently live in Los Angeles and the roads are perpetually under construction. There are signs posted in every work zone that say, “Expect Delays.” Are you one of the many people who spend hours of every week being angry because of all the delays, or are you more like me?

The moment I see one of those signs that says, “Expect Delays” I always, always say to myself, “I only expect good!” Then I say it again. And again. And…

Do you desire more love in your life? You can have more love!

Do you want to have more fun dating? You can have more fun!

Don’t know where to start or how to get to the next rung of the relationship ladder? I would love to help! Please contact me at info@lenaehrenberg.com and we can schedule a free, 20 minute phone call so that you can tell me what you believe is holding you back and I can offer you at least one, specific, action you can take that will change your results.

What if today is the day you take an action that propels you forward into the rest of your happy, loving, romantic life!

Right now, take a moment and affirm to yourself:

I expect good things at all times in all ways!

Looking for Love? Be Single!

I had the best time at Speed Dating! It was held on a sunny Saturday afternoon on the second floor of a restaurant overlooking the water. The women all sat in high-back chairs at tables along the windows and the men got to do the moving. Two amazing things about this arrangement occurred to me immediately.

The first is – I felt like a queen! I sat on a throne while 21 men came to me one by one, sat down and did their best to be dazzling – what more can you possibly ask from a Saturday afternoon? 😉

The second is – because of the sun coming through the windows into their eyes, and us sitting in high-back chairs the men saw us all almost in silhouette. Some of them mentioned not being able to see me very clearly. So they had to rely on hearing what I said and I got to see them very clearly! Usually it’s men who go by what they see and women who go by what we hear, so this turned science on its ear! I saw, and told a couple of men that they had beautiful eyes, sparkly greens and blues – how often do women notice men’s eyes? How often have you ever noticed, appreciated and complimented a man’s eyes?

Afterward I shared my experience with a woman I’d just met and she said she’d wanted to try Speed Dating but couldn’t get any of her friends to go with her. Huh? Why in the world would you want to go to any singles event – much less Speed Dating with a friend? (Or many friends, for those of you who tend to travel in packs or posses.)

Let’s say you did decide to go with a friend. And let’s say that friend and you are similar in look, in style, in age, in personality… It could happen. I have a friend who looks more like my sister than my sister. Even if your friend and you look nothing alike, the scenario might still go something like this:

You’ve completed your event and it’s time to choose the men you’d like to meet afterward. What if you and your friend choose the same men?

Will you decide to let your friend ‘have’ them, so as to preserve the friendship (or because you think she deserves to have love and you’re okay spending every Saturday night for the rest of your life watching Antiques Roadshow?)

Will she let you ‘have’ them for the same reasons?

If either of you allows the other to ‘have’ them (and I keep putting this word in quotes because they’re really not yours to give) then what’s the point of you spending hours doing your hair and makeup and driving across town to attend this event if it wasn’t so you could meet men?

If you both decide to throw caution to the wind and choose the same men, what will happen if:

They choose you and not your friend?

They choose your friend and not you?

If you both choose the same men and those men choose one of you and not the other, well, I truly believe that would test the self-confidence of even the strongest woman I know, at least for a little while, and it would probably test the bonds of the friendship as well. Why risk it?

When it comes to singles events do as the title suggests – Be Single! You can always txt your friend afterward. Tell her how much fun you had and that you bought her a ticket for the next one!

I know you can do it! I also know you will feel so much better on the other side! And if you need help, I’m only a click away.

Do you desire more love in your life? You can have more love!

Do you want to have more fun dating? You can have more fun!

Don’t know where to start or how to get to the next rung of the relationship ladder? I would love to help! Please contact me at info@lenaehrenberg.com and we can schedule a free, 20 minute phone call so that you can tell me what you believe is holding you back and I can offer you at least one, specific, action you can take that will change your results.

What if today is the day you take an action that propels you forward into the rest of your happy, loving, romantic life!

Right now, take a moment and affirm to yourself:

My intention is always to do well, be well and act from my highest self!

Intention Intervention

It might not feel this way to you now, although it is possible for you to have fun dating. What it will take first is your willingness to change what you think about dating. No small task – and totally worth it!

How is it possible to change what I think about dating? It’s the truth, isn’t it?

It might not be the truth it might simply have become your truth. What you believe is what you’ve grown to believe over time, your beliefs are simply thoughts you’ve been thinking for so long that you don’t remember every thinking anything different.

If you want something different you have to think something different. This will cause you to feel something different. And then you will act in a different way and then you will get a different result.

If you want a different result in dating you must change the way you think about dating! Part of that is learning how to set a new intention. Because I have a hunch… I believe that part of the reason you’re not having fun dating is because you’ve been going on dates hoping to meet your husband. You’ll have so much more fun on a date if your intention is to enjoy being on a date!

Creating a happy marriage is a process, and (aside from arranged marriages), that process has many steps that involve social interactions. Social interactions are, by definition, social, which is fun, not work which is … work! Start by setting the intention that you are going to enjoy each step in the process of creating your relationship. When you set an intention to enjoy each step you will look for ways to do that and you’ll find them.

The way to set a successful intention is to decide on the outcome you want that is totally dependent on you – it’s the result of an action that you will take in a particular moment. An intention is not something you hope someone else may do in response to your action.

Example – instead of trying to look or act a certain way hoping that he’ll ask for a second date really look at him and act like yourself – find the things about him that you like, see how he’s good, nice, quirky, kind – invite fun into your thoughts and you’ll have a lot more fun on your date!

Can you set an intention that is totally dependent on you – a decision you will make, an action you will take – that will bring you peace, calm, joy?

I know you can do it! I also know you will feel so much better on the other side! And if you need help, I’m only a click away.

Do you desire more love in your life? You can have more love!

Do you want to have more fun dating? You can have more fun!

Don’t know where to start or how to get to the next rung of the relationship ladder? I would love to help! Please contact me at info@lenaehrenberg.com and we can schedule a free, 20 minute phone call so that you can tell me what you believe is holding you back and I can offer you at least one, specific, action you can take that will change your results.

What if today is the day you take an action that propels you forward into the rest of your happy, loving, romantic life!

Right now, take a moment and affirm to yourself:

My intention is always to do well, be well and act from my highest self!

Declare Your Independence!

Are you having fun learning about yourself? Are you seeing little quirks and behaviors that are sweet and silly and help make you who you are and that you love about yourself?

Maybe your journey of self-discovery isn’t fun at all. Do you think that the ‘little’ quirks and behaviors are really major boulders or craters in the road? Does facing these things make you feel bad about yourself, or have others made you feel bad about it?

First, I want to commend and celebrate you for doing the work! There are a lot of people who won’t even try to learn about themselves because they’re afraid of what they’ll find out. Many people are so convinced that there is something terribly wrong with them that they won’t allow themselves to plumb their inner depths. They would rather live in a little bubble where they can think of themselves as perfect, and continue to not be happy, than risk having their bubbles burst by having to see things they consider bad.

When you can accept that you don’t like something about yourself and love yourself as a whole person anyway you will achieve a freedom that is indescribably liberating! That is what can help you move through life with confidence. And that is what enables you to live a joyous life, independent from the past beliefs of lack and limitation that held you back.

Feeling confident is what can help you move forward with the things you want to do, the purpose you want to embody, the success you want to create. Not only can self-confidence – true, deep-felt confidence – help you create the loving relationship you desire, it helps you manifest all that you desire. Your confidence enables you to feel sure of your decisions, take your next actions and achieve your desired outcomes in every area of your life.

How to tell? Take an inventory of your life right now, and I bet you’ll see that the areas in which you feel you’ve achieved success are the same areas in which you feel confident of your abilities and self-worth. But understand also that you’re not confident because you achieved success, you achieved success because you felt confident – your feelings fueled your actions and your actions created your results.

I know you can do it! I also know you will feel so much better on the other side! And if you need help, I’m only a click away.

Do you desire more love in your life? You can have more love!

Do you want to have more fun dating? You can have more fun!

Don’t know where to start or how to get to the next rung of the relationship ladder? I would love to help! Please contact me at info@lenaehrenberg.com and we can schedule a free, 20 minute phone call so that you can tell me what you believe is holding you back and I can offer you at least one, specific, action you can take that will change your results.

What if today is the day you take an action that propels you forward into the rest of your happy, loving, romantic life!

Right now, take a moment and affirm to yourself:

I am a human being who is free to be imperfect, and lovable and loved!

Date to Date!

Why do you date?

Really, I’m serious – why do you date? I can hear you right now saying, Um, Lena, if I don’t date I’ll never get married and I want to get married.

Now, let me ask you this –Do you have fun going online to see who ‘likes’ you and who you might like? Do you have fun going to bars and clubs or the Laundromat, to see who you might meet ‘organically?’ Do you have fun while on dates? Do you enjoy the process of dating?

Through personal experience I’ve discovered a secret Law of the Universe that has radically changed my romantic interactions and ultimately, my life, and it’s changing my clients’ and friends’ lives for the better as well!

Date to date, not to get married.

I don’t mean that you sign up for ‘short-term dating’ or ‘hookups,’ I mean that you honor each step in relationship building as its own important, standalone component in the process, give it the attention and respect it deserves and enjoy it in the moment. I promise you that you will have a lot more fun dating if you treat your dates as fun things you get to do rather than dreaded impositions you need to get through to get to the goal.

You can’t date because you want to get married someday. Well, you can, but that’s the way you’re doing it now and you’re not having much fun, are you? You don’t have fun dating because you decide on the first date that this guy’s not your husband and it goes downhill from there. Here’s a truth – in that moment he’s not supposed to be your husband, he’s supposed to be your date.

I want you to have as much fun dating as I do, not just hope it’ll all be fun after you say I do! I want you to enjoy the entire process, feel desired, feel joy, wallow in the abundance of good men in the world! And one way to do this is to be open to allowing this man to be who he’s supposed to be.

How? Go on dates with men not because you think each might be your husband, go on dates with men because you think each might be a fun date – date only because you’re interested in finding out more about that man, because you have things in common, because you’ll have fun doing whatever activity is decided upon – that’s it. Set the intention that you will enjoy the date and the best way I know to do that is to look for reasons to enjoy it. Gather all the positive evidence you can – look for the good – in him, in the location, in the circumstances – look for the good everywhere. (Here’s another secret: I’m experiencing incredible joy all the way around as I’ve done this in all aspects of my life, not just dating!)

My clients know that when they’ve been on a date the first question I’m going to ask them is – What three things did you like about him?

Because here’s the thing about us humans – when left unattended our thoughts seem to wander into the Land of Negativity. If we don’t take control of them and turn them in the direction we want to wind up, they’ll take us down a path we never intended to follow.

Do you desire more love in your life? You can have more love!

Do you want to have more fun dating? You can have more fun!

Don’t know where to start or how to get to the next rung of the relationship ladder? I would love to help! Please contact me at info@lenaehrenberg.com and we can schedule a free, 20 minute phone call so that you can tell me what you believe is holding you back and I can offer you at least one, specific, action you can take that will change your results.

What if today is the day you take an action that propels you forward into the rest of your happy, loving, romantic life!

Right now, take a moment and affirm to yourself:

I always find what I’m looking for – and it’s all good!

 

You Better Believe It!

So, here you are on your path to self-love and appreciation –

What are you learning about yourself that you didn’t know before? What are you appreciating about yourself that you weren’t aware of before? Are you surprised at the things you do, the things you like, the things you dislike that you’ve not consciously noticed until now?

Probably the bigger question that you’re asking is – what does any of this have to do with being with someone who will love me and create a partnership with me?

Have you ever tried to have a conversation with someone who is very much against the thing that you’re in favor of? Have you ever tried to find a common ground with someone who only wants to point out all the things you disagree on, rather than the things about which you agree? This is what it’s like to try to love someone who doesn’t love him or herself because – they are against the thing you are for!

Have you ever tried to like someone, even love someone, who, when you give them compliments they either claim you don’t really mean it or worse, that you’re actually insulting them?

People can’t actively love you when you don’t love yourself because you will never believe that their love is true. They will never be able to say the right thing, they will never be able to do enough to prove their love because deep inside you will be disagreeing with them – but you won’t be conscious of that, you’ll simply be convinced that the fault is theirs.

There are people in this world who love you. Right now. Just the way you are. You do not have to attract people who will love you – they are already there. If you want to have more love in your life you need to allow yourself to be loved. To allow yourself to be loved you must love yourself first. To love yourself first you must believe you are lovable.

Just like relationships – believing is an inside job.

Do you desire more love in your life? You can have more love!

Do you want to have more fun dating? You can have more fun!

Don’t know where to start or how to get to the next rung of the relationship ladder? I would love to help! Please contact me at info@lenaehrenberg.com and we can schedule a free, 20 minute phone call so that you can tell me what you believe is holding you back and I can offer you at least one, specific, action you can take that will change your results.

What if today is the day you take an action that propels you forward into the rest of your happy, loving, romantic life!

Right now, take a moment and affirm to yourself:

I believe all the good things others believe about me!

Have More Love!

Just like with a brick and mortar building it’s impossible to build a strong structure for anything on an incomplete or shaky foundation. Your relationship with YOU is the foundation of every relationship you will ever have in your entire life. You’re the only person you know for sure will be with you ‘til death do you part –don’t you want to have the best possible relationship with yourself that you can? Especially if it helps foster the best possible relationships you can have with others?

And how do you accomplish this? Along with knowing yourself and your values you absolutely need to love yourself. Oh, I know, you’ve heard it before-

What does it really mean to love yourself?

To me, loving myself means I appreciate my qualities, my character and my quirks. I enjoy being alone because I find value in the way I spend my time. I nurture myself, speak kindly to myself and don’t beat myself up when I’ve acted in a way that is not aligned with my highest nature. This last one is hard, it’s been a journey, and it’s an ever-evolving work in progress – and it’s possible for you, too!

Here’s a quick test for you: When you make a mistake or fail at a goal or behave in some way that is embarrassing to you what do you say to yourself? For example, if you’re on a diet and yet find yourself eating things you think you shouldn’t, do you call yourself names and tell yourself you’re incapable of ever being able to lose weight?

Would you say those things to a friend? YES or NO

Would you find it positively motivating if someone told you you’d never accomplish the thing you’re trying to do? YES or NO

If the answer to these two questions is NO then why would you talk like that to yourself?

Today take the first step toward loving yourself: Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend or the way you would want a stranger to talk to you.

Do you desire more love in your life? You can have more love!

Do you want to have more fun dating? You can have more fun!

Don’t know where to start or how to get to the next rung of the relationship ladder? I would love to help! Please contact me at info@lenaehrenberg.com and we can schedule a free, 20 minute phone call so that you can tell me what you believe is holding you back and I can offer you at least one, specific, action you can take that will change your results.

What if today is the day you take an action that propels you forward into the rest of your happy, loving, romantic life!

Right now, take a moment and affirm to yourself:

The most precious loving relationship I have is the one with myself.

Celebration and Ceremony

If April showers bring May flowers then what does June bring? And no, Angelenos, I’m not referring to that ‘Gloom’ that moves into town for the month, I’m referring to …

Weddings!

The prevailing thought is that June is the month for weddings – and graduations, too. Consider the similarities – they’re both splashy celebrations that herald new beginnings. They both involve walking down an aisle in a gown intended to be worn for only that occasion to music that has become identified with only that ceremony and receiving a piece of paper as confirmation of a new title. A bride receives new letters that precede her name, just like graduates receive new letters to follow theirs.

The wedding may be the start of the married phase of your life but it’s also the culmination of the single phase and oh, how it sometimes feels like you’ll never move to that next step on the ladder of your life.

How to begin? What’s the first step in getting married? Is it getting engaged? Is it becoming a couple? Is it dating? Is it having a first date? Is it finding someone to date? Is it when you decide on the list of qualities that you desire in a mate?

It starts way before that.

How well do you know yourself? How actively aware are you of your own values? And how willing are you to stand up for them? What is truly important to you and the way you choose to live your life?

I promise you it will have a much more positive impact on your life – on your dating and all future coupledom – if you seek a mate whose qualities align with your own values rather than simply creating a list of attributes (height, income and profession are attributes, not qualities) that sound exciting or fun. Attributes are only what we see on the outside; relationships are an inside job. Ultimately, a man’s sense of love and responsibility, his viewpoint on the world and your part in it, personally as a woman and together as a couple, are much more vital to your healthy, happy relationship than his height or profession. And your sense of love and responsibility and your viewpoint on the world are vital to him as well.

Do you desire more love in your life? You can have more love!

Do you want to have more fun dating? You can have more fun!

Don’t know where to start or how to get to the next rung of the relationship ladder? I would love to help! Please contact me at info@lenaehrenberg.com and we can schedule a free, 20 minute phone call so that you can tell me what you believe is holding you back and I can offer you at least one, specific, action you can take that will change your results.

What if today is the day you take an action that propels you forward into the rest of your happy, loving, romantic life!

Right now, take a moment and affirm to yourself:

I know my values and my value, and I seek out others who know theirs.

Foster the Power of Love!

A woman I know is dynamic, forward-thinking, focused; a power house in her career who has created success in her chosen industry. She was also in the foster care system from the time she was an infant until she was reunited with extended family at approximately the age of 4.

I asked her to what she attributes her success. Has she ever thought about her qualities, her skills, her abilities and what their origin might be?

She said that when she looked at the blood relatives with whom she spent most of her life she doesn’t see entrepreneurs, business owners, business builders. They are all, for the most part, salaried working people who couldn’t understand why she left a six-figure income to strike out on her own. She doesn’t believe she could have developed her desire or abilities by simply being around them.

“The years from infancy to 3 are vital to a child’s development and I’m convinced that my foster mom added something to my DNA that made me the way I am.”

Imagine being able to impact the life of a child to such a grand extent that you change the trajectory and ultimate outcome of her, or his, entire life! And after that child’s life has taken a positive turn the momentum takes over and changes the lives of each of the successive generations like a snowball gathering more and more snow on its way downhill.

Have you ever thought about becoming a foster mama? What action have you taken to turn that thought into a first step? Have you talked to other people who foster? Researched any agencies? Gone online to the website for your local county’s department of children’s services – ‘just to see?’

If not, why not? What’s stopping you from eternally, positively, lovingly, wisely impacting the life of a child as well as your own? What’s preventing you from creating the life you want – one that includes a child?

It’s perfectly natural to have reservations, hesitations and fears, but if you are holding yourself back because you’ve heard sad stories or you fear difficult feelings down the road please talk to someone who can help you!

May is National Foster Awareness Month. If you have ever considered becoming a foster mama I would love to help you in your journey! And if someone you know has considered it, please forward this to her, ‘cause I’d love to help her, too!

What if it’s time for you to provide a safe, loving home for a child who needs and deserves one? What if it’s time for you to become a foster mama?

Right now, take a moment and affirm for yourself:

I have been blessed with vital gifts to pass on to children with great love!

More, More, More!

The first baby that I fostered came to me in the late summer and I had her through late fall, perfect walking weather in southern California! And every single day that I was pushing that stroller I got into a conversation with at least one person who, when she heard I was fostering said, “Oh, fostering, I’ve always thought of doing that.” Honestly, I had no idea people were so aware of it and that so many single women (and men) considered doing it! I love that!

And because I love to learn about people, and places, and things (I ask a lot of questions) I would always ask them why they weren’t doing it. 90% of the time they’d say, “I could never fall in love with a child and then lose them.”

That bit of highly un-scientific research formed the basis of my decision to want to coach single women who really want to foster/adopt and can’t bring themselves to take the action necessary to do so.

How do you feel when you look forward to something that you believe will be fun? I bet you feel happy, joyful, excited. You start to feel positive feelings about a future event because you think it will cause positive feelings.

And when you look forward to something that you think will make you feel sad, uncomfortable, unhappy you start to feel sad, uncomfortable and unhappy.

Can you see that your thoughts are what are causing your feelings? They must be, because you are feeling the same things in the moment that you think you’ll feel when the event happens. Like now, you don’t even have a child and you already feel sad by only thinking about that child (who you don’t have) leaving.

One of the difficult things about being human is that we’re not supposed to be happy all the time, but oh, wouldn’t we like to be! And when we try to insulate ourselves from ever feeling negative feelings we eventually also insulate ourselves from ever feeling the joy of positive feelings, too.

You are trying to avoid a feeling that you might have in the future, and making yourself feel sad in the present – and you are denying yourself the joys that come along with all children – by choosing to not have a child in your life.

May is National Foster Awareness Month. If you have ever considered becoming a foster mama I would love to help you in your journey! And if someone you know has considered it, please forward this to her, ‘cause I’d love to help her, too!

What if it’s time for you to provide a safe, loving home for a child who needs and deserves one? What if it’s time for you to become a foster mama?

Right now, take a moment and affirm for yourself:

Once love is created it can never be lost.