I Got This!

Been thinking a lot about personal responsibility, and the way some people take it on and others don’t. This is very different from you blaming yourself for every wrong thing that happens, or beating yourself up over something you said or did. That is not being responsible, that is being abusive. If you do that to yourself, please stop.

Taking personal responsibility, to me, is accepting that the thoughts you think are your own. And then understanding that these thoughts make you feel certain feelings. And when you feel a certain way, you act in accord with that feeling. So, taking personal responsibility is accepting you are in control of all of your own thoughts, feelings, actions and words. Ultimately, you are responsible for your results.

So many times, though, you might think you feel the way you do because someone said or did something “to” you. It’s always about someone else, isn’t it? Um, no, your feelings are actually always about you.

For example, if you meet a woman who acts with purpose and speaks with intention – and you don’t speak or act that way – you might think she thinks she’s better than you. You might even say, “She thinks she’s better than me.” But someone else might not interpret her that way at all. They might see her as competent or dynamic, or both.

And the woman in question is not thinking, “I’m better than she is.” She is thinking, “I got this, I’m good at this, this is easy, this is fun.” Whatever her actual thoughts are, her words and actions are coming from her feeling of self-confidence, not from a thought she’s having about you. (’cause her words and actions are not actually about you. Your words and actions are about you.)

Who’s the only person thinking inside your head? YOU.

If there’s a thought in your head, “She thinks she’s better than me” YOU think she’s better than you.

If there’s a thought in your head, “He thinks I’m unlovable” YOU think you’re unlovable.

And it’s not just about relationships with people. What about your relationship with food?

If there’s a thought in your head, “I’ll never lose weight.” YOU think you’ll never lose weight. After a while that thought becomes a belief. And it’s hard to do anything when you believe you’ll never do it. Lose weight, get married, start a business, have a child. Anything.

Think about that thing you really, really want.

Now think about how you think about yourself in relation to that thing.

Now do the math:

________________THE THING I WANT

 ____+   I DON’T BELIEVE I CAN HAVE IT

Does NOT =   HAVING THE THING I WANT

When you’re ready to take responsibility for having the thing you want and you’re ready to have help to achieve it at last, I’m only a click away!

If these ideas resonate with you and you’re ready to change your life contact me at info@lenaehrenberg.com and we can schedule a free, 20 minute phone call.

Right now, take a moment and affirm for yourself:

The best news I’ve had in a long, long time is – I’m responsible for my own results!

 

Foster More Love!

Okay, Smart Girl, let’s talk about children.

And not just any children – let’s talk about foster children.

It’s halfway through May and I just found out that National Foster Care Month is now, not June as I originally thought. I’m going with halfway through the month is better than never ’cause that’s self-love!

Why, in a space usually reserved for dating, marriage and general romance, would I want to talk about children?

Because I know there are a lot of you reading this that want children.

And part of the anxiety you have about dating is that you won’t be married in time to have them.

Well, that really depends on how you look at it.

What if there was more than one way to be a mama? What if there was more than one way to raise a child? What if there was more than one way to experience the concurrent joys and terrors of being a parent to a baby, toddler, child or teen? There is.

It’s called fostering and right now there are children in every county in this country who need, want and deserve to feel the same sense of love and safety you would lavish on your “own” child.

I fostered a baby girl (who was 3 weeks old and weighed 4 pounds, 10 ounces when I first held her) and, no disrespect to Kundalini, but the 4 months I spent being a fulltime mama to her was the most fulfilling experience I’ve ever had in my yoga pants.

I know there are a lot of you reading this who have probably already thought about fostering. I know it because every day that I pushed that stroller I met at least one of you who said, “Oh, fostering, I’ve always wanted to do that.” So the question is, Why aren’t you doing it?

I hope you will take the step to move from wanting, wishing and wondering to discovering. There are organizations that can help you learn about it so that you can make an informed decision and take a massively beautiful action.

I know you believe there’s a clock ticking on the subject of you and children. There is, but it’s not the one you think.

The clock that’s ticking even louder than yours is the one that’s in the dreams of every child who was just removed from an unsafe environment and is hoping for a safe, quiet loving place to call home and warm, comforting arms in which to fall asleep- even if only for a little while.

If these ideas resonate with you and you’re ready to change your life contact me at info@lenaehrenberg.com and we can schedule a free, 20 minute phone call.

Right now, take a moment and affirm for yourself:

There’s a child waiting for me. I’m going to stop waiting for a relationship.

Becoming…YOU!

Who must you be in order to have the life you want?

How will you think and feel and act when you are the woman who lives your intended life?

You will be different by the time you reach your goal. You’ll have to be.

If you were that woman now, you’d be living that life now.

You’d be married. You’d have children. You’d be the CEO of your own company. Or whatever other thing it is that you want, if you were her now it would be done.

Something will be different about you, probably many things. Going from A to B does not involve great change, but going from A to Z well, that’s a journey. And the fun thing about journeys is we never know what we’ll experience along the way!

Not wanting to “waste your time” by going out with men who will not be your husband is suggesting that the end result – marriage – is the only outcome of dating.

What if you learn things in the process? What if you learn things about yourself, and men and relationships and human interactions and likes and dislikes and habits and desires and … the possibilities are endless!

What might you learn? What if you learn exactly the things that will help make you the woman who has everything that you want?

If your only goal in dating is the end result you are missing the true opportunity – learning and growing and, to coin a phrase… becoming.

I hope your goal in life is to become. Become better. Not better than someone else, better than you last year, last month, or yesterday. Better, greater, wiser, grander.

THAT’S why we engage in relationships!

If these ideas resonate with you and you’re ready to change your life contact me at info@lenaehrenberg.com and we can schedule a free, 20 minute phone call.

Right now, take a moment and affirm for yourself:

Sitting alongside that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow will be a grander me!

 

The Power

Smart Girl, this spring is barely out of the gate and the amount of change I’m experiencing could make your head spin. Unless of course you were coaching yourself through it – every single day.

Which I am.

And I want to coach you through your own spring renewal, too. Here’s why:

Do you often feel like change is coming at you, happening to you, dragging you along against your will?

Do you feel powerless?

You, my friend, are powerFUL!

In order to harness it and bend it to you, rather than you bending to it, you need to learn where your power is, the secret to you intentionally creating change that leads to results you desire rather than simply winding up with whatever the change fairy drops on your doorstep.

I want to see you go from, “I’m getting it all done” to “I LOVE my LIFE!”

The way I’ve learned to harness my own power – and the reason that my head’s not spinning in the midst of this whirlwind of change – a personal, one-on-one life coach.

Have you ever looked at a woman you admire and asked, “How does she do it?” or, “How did she do it?” or, “How can I do it?” I promise – she didn’t do it alone.

She had a teacher or a guide or a mentor or a coach – and so can you!

If these ideas resonate with you and you’re ready to change your life contact me at info@lenaehrenberg.com and we can schedule a free, 20 minute phone call.

Right now, take a moment and affirm for yourself:

I HAVE the POWER to LOVE my LIFE!

Stop Spinning

Webs. Wheels. Bottles. Plates. Dreidels. Dervishes. Washing machines.

These are things that are supposed to spin. Your mind … No.

Do you often find yourself feeling confused and unable to make decisions? When you are faced with a decision do you find yourself in turmoil? Do you ask many people for advice?

Do you take the advice they offer, or do you just keep asking more and more people what they would do so you can put off making the decision?

Do you often find yourself thinking that even though you’ve tried this thing before maybe this time it will have a different result? Do you do it? Does it ever?

These are just two ways we allow ourselves to spin.

Spinning won’t move you forward, it can only keep you firmly in the place you already stand – albeit much more dizzy. How will you get where you want to go dizzy?

How would you like to move through life clear-headed and focused on your goals? What if you could actually attain your goals rather than simply sitting on life’s sidelines spinning while watching others play, shoot and score?

It’s your turn to play. It’s your turn to score a goal. You don’t have to wait for anyone else to say it’s okay. You don’t have to ask for anyone’s permission. You don’t have to wait for everyone else in your family or neighborhood to have her success first.

This is about you. Stop spinning in place and move forward. Yes, you can.

If these ideas resonated with you and you’re ready to change your life contact me at info@lenaehrenberg.com and we can schedule a free, 20 minute phone call.

Right now, take a moment and affirm for yourself:

I remain clear-headed and focused and I take actions that move me forward!

Decide For Yourself

Who are you allowing to determine your worth?

Who are you allowing to determine your value?

Do you believe everything that other people say about you?

That was a trick question.

Because here’s the thing, Smart Girl. I bet that if you do allow other people to determine your value if you believe only the mean, belittling, negative things you aren’t really believing everything other people say.

Plenty of people are saying really positive things. They’re telling you what they think you’re good at, how nice you are, how competent, how lucky – but for some reason, you’re only believing the negative things people say.

And that is translating into you believing you have very little worth. Or value.

And if you are someone who determines your own worth, I bet you’re more likely to believe the positive things other people say. Funny how it works that way.

If this resonates with you know that just because it feels like it’s been this way forever it doesn’t have to stay this way forever.

You, right now, in this moment, get to decide how you want to feel for the rest of your life.

And when you decide how you want to feel you can get to work creating it!

I know you can do it! I also know you will feel so much better on the other side! And when you need help, I’m only a click away.

Do you desire more love in your life? You can have more love!

Do you want to have more fun dating? You can have more fun!

Don’t know where to start or how to get to the next rung of the relationship ladder? I would love to help! Please contact me at info@lenaehrenberg.com and we can schedule a free, 20 minute phone call so that you can tell me what you believe is holding you back and I can offer you at least one, specific, action you can take that will change your results.

What if today is the day you take an action that propels you forward into the rest of your happy, loving, romantic life!

Right now, take a moment and affirm for yourself:

I decide how to think, feel, act and be and then I do it!

Just Ask!

Have you ever noticed that when you feel the lack of something in your life you think that it’s about who you are?

If you feel unloved you think you’re unlovable.

If you feel unappreciated you think you’re meant to just give and never receive.

If you feel lonely you think it’s because nobody likes you.

None of this is true!

What’s true is your feelings are leading you to act in ways that are preventing these things from coming to you.

It’s not who you are, it’s how you are!

When you feel unlovable, unappreciated and lonely you hide.

Maybe you binge-watch. Or binge-drink. Or binge-eat. Or binge-shop.

The possibilities are endless…….

I have been dealing with a lot of moving parts lately and realized that I can’t get it all done myself. So I decided to ask for help.

And not only are all of these things getting accomplished I’ve discovered a lovely benefit – I feel loved! And appreciated. And certainly not lonely; people are coming out of everywhere to help me!

So here’s my cure-all for you, Smart Girl:

If you’re feeling unloved ask for help.

If you’re feeling unappreciated ask for help.

If you’re feeling lonely ask for help.

I know you can do it! I also know you will feel so much better on the other side! And when you need help, I’m only a click away.

Do you desire more love in your life? You can have more love!

Do you want to have more fun dating? You can have more fun!

Don’t know where to start or how to get to the next rung of the relationship ladder? I would love to help! Please contact me at info@lenaehrenberg.com and we can schedule a free, 20 minute phone call so that you can tell me what you believe is holding you back and I can offer you at least one, specific, action you can take that will change your results.

What if today is the day you take an action that propels you forward into the rest of your happy, loving, romantic life!

Right now, take a moment and affirm for yourself:

People love to help me as much as I love to help them!

Examination

Do you want to be in a relationship?

I know you think the answer is obvious, but I want you to really think about that question.

Is a relationship what you want to have happen or is it what you intend to make happen? Because, Smart Girl, you can want all you want but wants are only wishes unless you take action, and you are actually acting on your intentions.

re·la·tion·ship

/rəˈlāSH(ə)nˌSHip/

noun

  1. the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected
  2. the state of being connected by blood or marriage.
  3. the way in which two or more people or groups regard and behave toward each other.

Relationships are characterized by the way people are connected, the way in which people regard and behave toward each other. I’ve heard it said that there are 3 entities in a great relationship – 2 people and the relationship itself – and each must be given its due separately and equally.

Are you actively looking for a good, loving, equal, partnership or are you intending to find someone to fit himself around the life you are already living?

Do you feel overwhelmed at the thought that this is going to be ‘another thing’ you will try to cram into a packed schedule?

Are you willing to examine everything you have and do currently and determine if it’s necessary or desirable to continue having and doing it?

Everything?

Are you willing to give up some things that you currently have and do in order to create a life with someone?

I intend to create a relationship in which I keep my self – keep the way I am and am willing to give up anything else about the way my current circumstances look if that is what is necessary in order to be with my rightest match.

Now I can hear you, “I have children, grandchildren, a career, a business, etc., are you telling me I have to give up these things in order to have a man in my life?”

No.

What I am telling you is that you must be willing to examine each of these things and all the other things that make up your current circumstances. Examine the hours of TV or Netflix or web surfing or chatting with friends, the daily trips to your favorite cafe, the Saturday yoga classes (that you think a man needs to go to in order to prove he’s right for you).

Then be willing to create totally different circumstances – together.

Maybe you and he will discover TV shows and movies you both enjoy. A different cafe you both like. Maybe you’ll wind up taking each others’ grandchildren to the park on a Saturday morning.

Intend to be willing to change.

And if you don’t know where or how to start don’t let it stop you – call me!

I know you can do it! I also know you will feel so much better on the other side! And when you need help, I’m only a click away.

Do you desire more love in your life? You can have more love!

Do you want to have more fun dating? You can have more fun!

Don’t know where to start or how to get to the next rung of the relationship ladder? I would love to help! Please contact me at info@lenaehrenberg.com and we can schedule a free, 20 minute phone call so that you can tell me what you believe is holding you back and I can offer you at least one, specific, action you can take that will change your results.

What if today is the day you take an action that propels you forward into the rest of your happy, loving, romantic life!

Right now, take a moment and affirm for yourself:

My current circumstances are not who I am.

Shine Your Light!

I’ve just returned from a trip to Southeast Asia. For almost 3 weeks I was in an environment that is very unlike the one in which I live.

I learned something for myself that I’ve always heard – that Vietnamese people are very friendly. It’s true! Everywhere I went I saw smiles, heard pleasant voices, found people willing to help me – even the security guard I asked for directions stepped away from his post momentarily to be sure I saw the right path.

I’m a friendly person; I go out into the world with an open countenance. I smile at children, at women, at men. I smile at people in elevators, on the street, in coffee bars – wherever I am I smile at strangers.

I have to admit, though, that sometimes I allow others’ reactions (truly my assumptions about others’ reactions) to affect the quality of those smiles. When I think the person is not so open to me my smile probably more closely resembles a grimace – and isn’t that the wrong message to send!

For the first few days I walked through Ho Chi Minh City not sure about how people would react to me, a stranger who looked very different from most everyone else. I was smiling my tight-lipped, grimacy smile. And then something happened that changed me – hopefully forever.

I saw a beautiful little girl about 2 years old toddling along the river path. Her mother was guiding her slowly, allowing her to find her footing. I was so captivated by her, and by the sweet patience expressed by her mother that I beamed down at her, then looked up to see her mother beaming at me. I don’t recall ever having such a strong smile returned to me by a stranger.

I was openly showing the love I felt she had for her child back to her, and she returned that love to me. Love was reflecting love over and over bouncing back and forth like two mirrors bouncing light.

From that moment forward I smiled – big, broad, toothy smiles that expressed how I was feeling, not how I thought others felt about me. And people smiled big, broad, toothy smiles back! Not all people, many people. And many was enough for me to understand that when I go out into the world in the fullness of who I really am my people will be able to find me. And they will let me know they’ve found me by responding back to me.

Smart Girl, I know you’ve heard the word authenticity, and the admonition to not hide your light under a bushel. What are you doing about it? Here’s the rock-solid truth – you can make all the lists you want, read all the books you want, go on all the diets you want and nothing will mean anything if you don’t get this –

Before you can feel love from another you must feel it for yourself.

Remember, the one you seek is seeking you – you’ve got to give him a way to find you!

I know you can do it! I also know you will feel so much better on the other side! And when you need help, I’m only a click away.

Do you desire more love in your life? You can have more love!

Do you want to have more fun dating? You can have more fun!

Don’t know where to start or how to get to the next rung of the relationship ladder? I would love to help! Please contact me at info@lenaehrenberg.com and we can schedule a free, 20 minute phone call so that you can tell me what you believe is holding you back and I can offer you at least one, specific, action you can take that will change your results.

What if today is the day you take an action that propels you forward into the rest of your happy, loving, romantic life!

Right now, take a moment and affirm for yourself:

I know myself and I don’t hide it!