What Love Are You Gifting Yourself?

Marriage, Love, Romance, Romantic Relationships, Dating, Commitment, Personal Responsibility

I know this about you – you take personal responsibility really seriously. As a matter of fact, that’s probably one of the items on your Uniquely Essential Qualities List (UEQ’s).

There’s just so far you can evolve yourself on your own and if you’re stuck you need to move your skills from theory into practice. As with driving, there’s a time to move from the learner’s manual to the highway. If you want to uplevel your relationships, you need other persons to play with – dates, and eventually, a partner.

Jerry Maguire might have said, “You complete me” but in real life relationships, people don’t meld into each other. What we do is meld our two selves into one partnership while keeping our personal identities intact. Think about that. If you’ve never liked the idea of losing yourself or becoming a different person for love – you’re doing it right!

So, how do you know what part is your responsibility? Once you figure it out, give yourself the gift of knowing what to do about it!

1) How does this apply to me?

I take it to the extreme sometimes, but you have to learn to embrace the question.

If a man is not seeming to be in integrity, how can I see places where I’m not in integrity? If he is not standing up for all his principles, where am I not standing up for all my principles? 

Do you continually meet men who do not want to commit to you? And do you believe that ‘men don’t want to commit?’ Where in your life are you not committing and following through? I know you don’t believe me, but this is exactly what’s happening. 

This is what it means when we say we attract who we are.

2)  How am I impeding my own love? 

Demanding certainty is keeping you from going all in on the dating process. And not going all in on dating is what’s keeping you from meeting the man who will one day be your rightest love match. 

Here’s the way this may play out – you engage with very few men via messaging, deciding early on in the interactions none of them is right for you. Or, you have a bunch of short phone or video chats or go on a bunch of first dates, and decide none of them is right for you. Deciding is the way you create certainty, because even though you’re not getting what you say you want – a relationship that grows into marriage – at least you know what you’ll get – you get to be certain that the budding relationship will end and that you will remain alone. In other words, you get to feel comfort in the familiar. 

You must allow yourself to feel the discomfort of not knowing whether or not he’s the one, or if he thinks you’re the one for him, or as I prefer to call it – you must develop a willingness to wonder.

3) What’s really stopping me from finding my true love?

Have you had experiences with men who turned out to be very different from who you thought they were? If so, maybe you think not knowing how to trust men is what really scares you about dating. If you have you may believe that you can’t ever trust any man again, and that this decision will keep you safe.

But here’s the real truth that I don’t hear a lot of people talking about – this decision never to trust a man again won’t keep you safe, it will only keep you separate, and the person you need to learn to trust is yourself.

I’ll beat the drum again for loving yourself, because when you truly love yourself you evolve to trust yourself. The reason you have to trust yourself is when you don’t, you second guess absolutely everything you do and it holds you back, it keeps you stuck, from moving forward into the relationship you want. 

Trust you will see what you need to see, know what you need to know, choose and take action to care for yourself and your most precious relationship – the one you have with yourself. 

Once you can trust yourself to take care of your needs you’ll know how, when and if to trust other people – men included.

This is how you learn to not simply live at the effect of the world, this is how you become responsible for your results in your entire life.

Expectation is a Gift of Love!

dating, romance, relationships, marriage, mindset, what do you expect?

To me, a relationship is a vehicle by which you can evolve further into the woman you’re meant to be and create the loving partnership you desire which, itself, will enable you to go even further forward in your life experiences! 

That is a win-win-win!

One of the biggest game-changers for me was the moment I realized I could want anything in the world, but to actually attain it I needed to expect that I would.

1) The gift of expectation of love!

Have you ever wanted something so badly it hurt? You may want something, but if you don’t really expect to be able to get it you will not. You want one kind of man but you keep getting the other kind. 

This keeps happening because even though you want an enriched romantic relationship with the love of your life, you don’t really expect to get it. That’s why you keep meeting the same kind of men. 

And the issue is not that you are a magnet that only attracts a certain type of man; you are attracted to men who deliver on your expectation. You believe you will be treated a certain way, and you keep dating men who treat you the way you believe you will be treated.

Do you see how this outcome isn’t what you want, but it’s what you expect?

Your expectations are based on your beliefs, which are based on your past experiences – but they don’t have to be. Your past doesn’t dictate your future, except when you let it. If you believe that every man is alike, then you’ll expect every man you date to treat you like all the others – and it’s entirely possible that when you meet a man who doesn’t it will feel so odd to you that you’ll have a whole bunch of reasons why he’s not right for you!

2)  Careful where you place that energy on love! 

So, here’s the thing about putting all your energy behind wondering how the men will act, what the men will do, when the men will do it …

When you focus only on the men you don’t see your part in the patterns of your own life. 

Part of my grand reckoning was that one day it came to me; I’d had hundreds of different jobs, hundreds of first and only dates, lived in three different states and I still didn’t have the life I wanted. If my life had been a science experiment I was the only constant. If I’d changed everything else (and I had) and I still wasn’t happy (and I wasn’t), the only thing left to change was me. But you can’t just randomly start changing things and hope you’ll strike gold – you need to fairly evaluate yourself and discover what part isn’t working. You must examine your relationship patterns from your part in them, not the men’s.

3) Expectation hastens your progress towards … love!

If you want to make some major changes in your relationship status you have to start from where you are right now. 

What do you believe about yourself being single?

What do you believe about men?

What do you believe about relationships? 

Do you see relationships around you that you’d like to emulate?

When you look at all the answers together – do you feel joy?

If the answer is no, that is okay – really. Just like with GPS, you absolutely, positively need to know where you’re starting from in order to get where you want to go – now you get to chart a new course that will uplift your expectation of love!

Wrap up the gift to manifest love!

wrap up the gift of love, manifest love, dating, relationships, marriage, romance, mindset

You’ve created success in all the other areas of your life so you know it’s not magic that makes anything happen, it’s the proper use of the best tools. With the right mental and emotional foundation you’ll manifest your heart’s desire, whether a long-term monogamous commitment or marriage.

Over the past three weeks I’ve shared the foundational steps necessary to manifest the enriched romantic relationship you want with, not just any man, your rightest match

Time to take the thoughtful, emotional groundwork you’ve developed in your head and your heart and put it into action!

1) When the chance comes, grab the love!

You don’t stay at the top of your business game by letting opportunities pass you by, so apply the same technique to your dating game – know when a great option might be presenting itself and take a chance!

Dating isn’t a punishment, it’s a process through which you learn everything you need to know about yourself and the relationship you want. It’s the road you take to get to your destination. Please remember this if you don’t meet Mr. Right the first time out.

Are you waiting to meet a man “organically?” Meaning – are you waiting for a friend to introduce you to her boyfriend’s cousin or brother’s office mate? I can count the number of times on one hand that I’ve been set up, and none of those ever led to a second date. You might not want to hear this, but if you want a romantic relationship sooner rather than later, you’re going to have to be more proactive in the process.

The majority of people who are in relationships right now have engaged in some type of online dating. Think of it this way, if you want to cook food you go to the place most likely to have a huge selection – the supermarket. If you want to meet men to date you go to the place most likely to have a huge selection – a dating site or app.

You may ask, do I have to contact men first? Only if you want to feel the power of choosing rather than waiting to be chosen.

Do I have to ask men out? No. You can if you want, but you don’t have to. 

Oh, so I don’t have to make the first move? Well, yes, in a way you do – you have to post a fabulous profile and great pictures. If you don’t, how will your rightest match know you’re looking for him and be able to find you?

2)  Nature WILL take its course toward love! 

Does writing about yourself and posting pictures and engaging in conversations with men you’ve never before met seem like a lot more action than you’re used to taking in pursuit of romance? Great! What better way to get different results than you ever have before than by taking different actions than you ever have before?

When you feel good about yourself and know what you bring to a relationship, you will naturally want to make use of every opportunity. With a higher degree of self-confidence you’ll be more likely to take risks because you’ll be better able to see the grand potential in meeting many different types of men and having a lot of different dating experiences.

Dating will actually be fun!

See a man who kind of piques your interest, but he’s not exactly your type? Excellent! He’s exactly the one you ought to message to say hello. 

Don’t know what to say to a man? Tell him you’re intrigued and why. Mention something you liked in his profile, that’s a great conversation starter. 

Have trouble getting men to engage in conversations with you? Share something about yourself first, mention something funny that happened that day, ask him a question, ask for advice.

And always engage like the kind of person you’d be happy to respond to. 

3) Expectation hastens your progress toward your right love!

This is crucial in your pursuit of an enriched romantic partnership – have unwavering faith and trust in the outcome you desire.

There’s no room for doubt or disbelief when you are in the midst of manifestation – and no second-guessing. Now, that doesn’t mean you never have a moment of wondering if it will really turn out different this time and for heaven’s sake, when? … you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t. 

What it does mean is, in those moments you take hold of yourself and turn your thoughts back to persistent, consistent trust in your ability to receive what your Source has in store for you. 

You are unique and there are people, events, experiences meant only for you personally. Expectation sets the pace of whatever outcome you imagine, so expect good and know your relationship will come at its right time – at the time it’s perfect for you

This work will flow like a river when you can allow yourself to let go of resistance, lose your fear, and stop trying to control the outcome, so your job is to identify the thoughts that are holding you back and let them go. You’ll know you’ve done it because everything will feel brand new to you!

Keep Going! 3 more ways to manifest love!

manifesting, romance, dating, marriage, love, relationships

You’re a business rock star! How’d you build your success? Tenacity, determination and every degree necessary – even if your diploma is from the school of hard knocks. Just like a house built on sand won’t stand firm in a high wind, if you haven’t done your deeply personal foundational work, the actions you take in dating have nothing to hold fast to.

Even if you feel like you’ve already done everything possible, there is always the opportunity to do something in a different way. Sometimes that way is to build a rock-solid foundation for your self-perception.

Ready to launch into the third phase of your manifesting journey?

1) Elevate your perception of your self worth and love your outcome!

You may have heard that you attract men on your same energetic level and may think that means if men don’t value you that there’s a problem. If they don’t act the way you think you deserve you may blame them or question yourself, your desirability, your lovability. 

The truth is, you attract all kinds of men, but the ones you choose to engage with are men on your level of belief and self-perception.

Although you might love yourself, your belief in yourself evidenced by your active, everyday perception of yourself and your lovability might not be on the level necessary to act as a beacon to the dating universe. 

To put it bluntly, you might not be treating yourself as well as you could. You might not be treating yourself as well as you’d like a man to treat you, and it’s very true that we teach people how to treat us. Take this simple test. 

How do you talk to yourself when you’ve made a mistake?

The A to this Q will tell you everything you need to know about your self-love vs. your self-perception.

If you don’t treat yourself with the level of kindness and compassion you’d expect from another person, especially your romantic partner, it’s time to actively elevate your self-perception. You’ll start to treat yourself better, and you’ll find more men treating you better too!

2)  Increase your right belief, manifest your right love 

The only way to elevate and expand your perception of yourself is to be onto yourself – notice when you’re not doing it well and correct yourself in the moment. Show yourself compassion, have patience, speak kindly, and pretty soon it will become a habit. 

Own your absolute, undeniable lovability and become the woman who has your right love in your every waking hour. 

How? Cultivate different beliefs. Think highly of yourself, not in an egotistical way, in a loving and appreciative way. Having an undue sense of your self-importance is not really thinking highly of yourself at all; it’s only a cover for insecurity.  

Teach yourself to appreciate the things about you that others do. And perhaps even more important, teach yourself to show yourself the same compassion and empathy in trying moments that you show to people you love. 

Next time you make a mistake, before you tear yourself down, remind yourself that you are one of the people you love, speak as kindly to yourself as possible, have empathy for yourself, bring yourself some flowers.

Believe the best about yourself and your chances of creating the romantic partnership you desire. And in moments of doubt, believe that you can believe.

3) When you create your best love, allow it to stay

What happens when you meet a man to whom you are very attracted, who sparks something in you that hasn’t been ignited in a long, long time, and he treats you exactly the way you’ve always wanted someone to treat you?

What happens if he brings you flowers, gives you compliments, buys you dinner and gifts, tells you how beautiful you are, and says he is actually seeking the woman with whom he will fall in love and get married?

Do you feel excited or suspicious? Do you accept him with open arms, or look for every possible fault? Do you believe him or wonder, what’s the catch? Do you practice self-care or self-sabotage? 

Studies show that winners of huge lottery payouts are bankrupt or in severe financial distress within 3-5 years. Why?  Because they have not raised their level of belief. Mentally they have not become the person who can have a healthy, supportive partnership with that amount of money, so off it goes.

Elevate your own belief system and your perception of yourself. Become the woman who has the exact relationship you desire – before he appears. Do it now, because if you don’t your rightest match may arrive, and just as quickly he may go.

 

#havemorelove #datingandrelationships #midlifemarriage #datingat50 #marriedat50 #marriedat40 #midlifedating #onlinedating  #datingat40 #midlifelove

On a roll! 3 more ways to manifest love!

dating, love, romance, marriage, manifesting

 

It’s true; being grateful for all the things you already have while being specific about what you desire is integral to manifesting, and so is the second step. Some people call it not being attached to the outcome, I call it – Surrender!

It’s counterintuitive, isn’t it? How can you be specific about what you want to manifest while not being attached to the outcome?

I believe that in the same way expressing gratitude for what you already have is the key to unlocking more, better, grander attainments, trusting it will be delivered in its right form is what will enable you to see it and accept it when it comes, because it may not look the way you want it to.

Let’s step into the second phase of your manifesting journey.

1) To manifest the love you want embrace what truly creates

No matter how much you dream, envision or plan for yourself, the view from the ground is always limited. God (the Universe, Source, The Eternal, etc.) has an overarching, expansive, unlimited magnificent view of all your qualities, desires, hopes, abilities, expectations and your ultimate purpose. 

When you are attached to the way a man must be; his looks, height, hair color, title, whatever you’ve believed to be important, you may miss out on seeing the one who is truly meant for only you.

Allow that your Source is the true Creator and create space for your right match to step into. Rather than looking only for the things you think you want, be open and allow yourself to see a man for who he is and be surprised and delighted by his best qualities. 

Once you’ve made that space, take the most difficult and yet vital action possible – release resistance, surrender and trust that the relationship that serves your highest and best good is in process of being made manifest – real – to you both.

2)  You’re getting exactly what you need to manifest the love you want

Think there’s a problem because your romantic pathway has been strewn with everything from pebbles to potholes and there’s no end in sight? 

Contrary to popular belief, dating isn’t a punishment, it’s a process through which you learn who you are, what you want and how to become the woman you want to be in relationship with your ultimate romantic partner.

Trust that your Source is giving you what you need in each moment – even if they are things you don’t necessarily want. See each stone strewn on your path not as a hurdle, but as a step to elevate you.

For example, my boyfriend and I have very different approaches to religion and spirituality – although he does have his (that’s high on my EQ list).

I spent some time thinking we just weren’t well-suited to each other because of these differences, although I’ve evolved to realize the differences between us give me an ever-present lens through which to evaluate and recommit to my own beliefs, while accepting and allowing him to have his own.

Think about this – the higher you climb and the more elevated your understanding becomes while dating, the less hard work you’ll need to do when you finally meet your match!

3) What is yours in love cannot go to anyone else!

What is rightfully yours cannot go to another, and yet …

If you’re so limited in the scope of what you want, and discount anything outside its bounds, your right match might slip past. Don’t have your eye so focused on the ultimate prize that you aren’t surprised and delighted with the expansive view along the way. Enjoy the unfoldment, your elevation to each new level of understanding and be ready to have the most enjoyable, healthy, loving romantic partnership possible. 

It’s not happening fast enough for your taste? Unfoldment moves in accord with divine timing, not yours or anyone else’s. Nothing has gone wrong here.

Manifesting your first-class relationship isn’t about getting to the finish line quickly. It’s not about living from event to event, it’s about living in the experiences that unfold along the way. That’s what life is! If you truly do this you can’t possibly miss any person, place or portion of the world meant for you.

#havemorelove #datingandrelationships #midlifemarriage #datingat50 #marriedat50 #marriedat40 #midlifedating #onlinedating  #datingat40 #midlifelove

Gratitude for Manifesting Sustaining Love – Step 1

manifesting, romance, love, marriage, relationships, dating, gratitude

 

Manifesting Love Like a Boss

Have you ever seen a performance that hooked you in? An actor breathed life into a character, held you spellbound and took you for a ride through a story you got invested in? That is the power of specificity and if it makes that much of a difference to a character on screen, imagine what it can do for you in real life!

The difference between women who are powerful, consistent, blessed manifestors and those who believe love isn’t meant for them is being grateful for what they already have and being specific about what they want to create more of.

1)   Own who you are and what you’ve already got to manifest the love you want

What are your values? What are your priorities? Who do you want to be in this relationship? How do you want to show up in it? 

Look at every aspect of your life – your business side, family relationships, friendships, your spiritual journey, your home, your car, your hobbies – inventory, acknowledge and show gratitude for everything that you already have received and you will be that much more able to receive even more in the form of romance. 

And always, always, always choose yourself first and feel gratitude for all you already have. This is what enables you to truly manifest whatever you desire, this is what separates consistent manifestors from women who think love isn’t for them – you must operate from a position of having rather than lacking. You are adding to your already full, luscious life, not scraping by with crumbs. 

Be your own right match first!

2)  Decide/Choose/Align with your right match to manifest the love you want

Now that you’ve done the work to understand your values and priorities, and you know how you want to be in this world, expand your thinking to encompass the relationship itself. 

What kind of romantic relationship do you want? Do you want to be married? Do you want to have an equal partnership where each of you carries a similar load of responsibilities? Do you want adventure or consistency? 

Now think about how you want to live. Do you crave a quiet home or a hub of activity? Like to be planted and take root in one place, or does life on the road have a quirky appeal?

Now, and only now are you ready to think about him. What qualities in a man will be in best alignment with your values? What kind of lifestyle will he live? How does he move through the world and how do his values support yours and vice versa?

Why are you doing all this work before you’ve even met him? Because you don’t want just any man, just any relationship, just any marriage – you want the unique love that is perfect for you.

3)   Commit to yourself and ask for the love you desire!

Now that you’ve decided exactly what it is that you want more of, make the commitment to yourself that you want a man to make to you – write it down. 

Take a pen or a colored pencil or a crayon – whatever sparks joy in you – and commit it to a piece of paper – a notebook or journal is even better – it doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive, only substantive and something that will last, that you will get access to and not lose under a pile of papers.

And once you’ve written it down, read it out loud to yourself, even if you only start with a whisper and build up louder from there. Ask God or the Universe or whatever Source you believe in for this enriched romantic relationship with your right match. 

There’s power in wanting, and that’s the power that has really been taken from women over all these centuries. We’ve been sold a pack of lies about needing to be selfless at all times, always putting others ahead of ourselves. We’ve had our wanting taken from us publicly, and yet we still want internally – because humans want, we desire, we need.

Acknowledge and ask for what you want and remember this key – be grateful for what you already have and want more, want in addition to, want high, further, deeper.

There’s power in asking for what you want. If you don’t ask, you don’t get. When you can ask you can receive!

This is the first step in manifesting the romantic relationship you want.

#havemorelove #datingandrelationships #midlifemarriage #datingat50 #marriedat50 #marriedat40 #midlifedating #onlinedating  #datingat40 #midlifelove

Inspired Actions to Sustain Love, Dating and Relationships

Inspired, dating, love, relationships, commitment

 

Taking Inspired Actions to Sustain Love and Relationships!

Taking inspired action is my new favorite credo. Taking action that’s inspired not contrived makes me believe that my desire is permissible and reaching my goal is possible. And that, in turn, makes me more likely to keep doing what I need to do to make it happen! When my thoughts and actions are inspired I feel beautifully nourished and much less likely to quit on myself.

When it comes to dating, loving and relationships, I’ve made every mistake that any ten women could possibly make. It took me decades of trial and error and finally just being tired of repeating my same mistakes, to get to the place in my life I’m at now; happy, fulfilled, loving and loved and sustaining a beautiful relationship with my romantic partner by my side. 

Let me save you a lot of time and share three things I needed to see differently, needed to be inspired rather than tired about, in order to create the enriched romantic relationship I’m now happily a part of.

1)   Acting like someone who didn’t want to be there

When I look back to the beginning of my current relationship, I wasn’t trying to make our couple-family together, I was trying not to, because that was what I knew to do. If something didn’t go the way I thought it ought to, I questioned if I ought to be there at all. I was always thinking that I could just as easily leave him as stay. 

I wasn’t truly trying to be a couple with any man I dated before, either. I was constantly trying to placate him so he would try to be a couple with me. I saw the need for someone to be acting like we were a couple, I knew that it needed to be done, but I wasn’t doing it, I was waiting for him to do it. 

It’s one of our biggest complaints, isn’t it? Some of us feel like we’re wasting our lives waiting for a man to take an action – but what if it’s an action we ought to be taking ourselves?

How do you show up in your relationships? Are you really trying to love your man? Are you trying to be part of a couple, create a new family with him, or have you been trying to get men you date to act like they’re in a relationship with you while you keep one mental foot on the threshold, waiting for your chance to make a mad dash for the comfort and familiarity of the exit?

2)   Forgetting that not loving always hurts 

If you’re not trying to love him, to really fit in and be part of your new couple, then you will be more likely to at least think about leaving at the first hint of disagreement. Or maybe you will leave. Or maybe you’ll stay but it will be a constant struggle, many fights, many tears.

I remember all the years my story was that men left me, when in reality, I probably left almost as often. The thing is, though, I never left because I didn’t want to be there. I left because I wanted to be there a lot, and I thought that if I didn’t care too much while I was in the relationship it wouldn’t hurt as bad when it ended. Spoiler alert – that doesn’t work with friends, relatives, pets, or romantic partners.

So, my pattern was creating two consistent outcomes:

I was never becoming attached to a partner or a relationship, so all my relationships ended.

Each ending hurt worse than the one before.

You deserve so much more, and you can do so much better for yourself!

3)   Not questioning my questions

If you’re like me, there are probably habits you’ve grown accustomed to that get you through the first-few-dates-phase of your new love relationships. You might be totally unaware that your beliefs create your outcomes. Well, those beliefs start out as thoughts, and those thoughts come out as questions you’ve been asking yourself and men for a long time. 

Keep asking the same questions and you’ll keep creating the same outcomes in love that you’ve had up until now. To serve your desire for inspired dating, here are some new questions to ask as you prepare to embark on your next grand love adventure.

Stop asking, “What do I wear on my date? I wonder if he’ll like this on me?”

Ask, “What do I hope he’ll feel and how can I help him feel it?”

Stop asking, “Why won’t he commit to me?”

Ask, “Where am I not committing to myself in my life? Where am I not all in for a relationship with this man?” 

Stop asking, “What do I talk about? What if it’s awkward or boring?”

Ask, “How do I want his day to be different, better, because he and I crossed paths?”

More inspired, loving questions lead us to more inspired, loving relationships.

Okay, beautiful, that’s how you ultimately sustain a relationship with a high-quality man. You ask inspired questions that lead to inspired actions.

 

#havemorelove #datingandrelationships #midlifemarriage #datingat50 #marriedat50 #marriedat40 #midlifedating #onlinedating  #datingat40 #midlifelove

Your Great Love: Green Means Go!

dating, marriage, romance, love, green flags, making change

I know you may not believe me right now, but great men are everywhere – really. You might have just walked past one in the produce section of the grocery store. They’re at work, at school and yes, online! You’ve probably even had dates with some, but you couldn’t see what was great about them, the green flags, because you’ve been trained to look for the red ones.

If you’re ever going to see the great men who are all around, you need to look for what’s great about them.

Last week I told you three things you can do to start seeing more possibilities in profiles and pictures online, now let’s talk about doing that in person.

1)   Flip the coin on love and dating

It seems like such a good way to keep yourself safe, doesn’t it? If you start out on high alert from the very beginning of the process, and comb through profiles and pictures looking for what’s wrong, you won’t get caught up in a sorrowful situation.

But, my friend, here’s the flip side to that coin. If you constantly and consistently look for problems, that is all you’ll ever find because you will begin to interpret everything you can’t explain as a problem – red flag.

And if you continue to take that red-alertness with you into messaging with all men you’ll never get to a live date with any men. 

Here’s the fix. Notice when you feel curious.

 After you move from reading profiles and assessing photos like the romantic detective you’ve become, you can reach out to some of the men you find interesting. Or you can choose to respond to some of the men who’ve reached out to you. Or both. 

All it takes is for a man to pique your interest, just a little tickle..

Start with messaging in the app and see what sparks your curiosity. And if he’s not adept at moving the conversation forward, ask about things you’d like to know about him. Develop a list of questions about fun, light topics that are interesting to you. The point of this is not to engage in a serious conversation immediately, it’s simply to see if you share common interests and see possibility and if you’re intrigued enough to move onto a phone call.

2)   Hear the love 

Have you heard online dating coaches say that you ought to go from messaging to meeting as quickly as possible? I get the reasoning behind it, after all, you’re not looking for a digital pen pal, but … 

One of the essential qualities I looked for in my partner is that together we have good, clear communication; that’s an imperative. Before you meet someone there are various touch points to make a communication connection, why would you pass up any opportunity? The first was writing, the second is speaking!

And if you want to be sure the person you’re meeting is who he says he is, an extra step is not a big deal, it’s a heck yes!

Here’s the fix. Listen for the alignment.

This sets me apart from a lot of other coaches – I suggest you always have at least one phone call before you agree to meet someone in person. Always. 

I think there’s a lot to be gleaned from hearing a man’s voice. This is someone whose voice you might be hearing for a long time, it ought to be pleasing to you! Can you imagine hearing it first thing in the morning or last thing at night? One thing I noticed immediately that made me want to know more, is that my boyfriend has such a great voice!

Also, while on the phone you can assess whether the man you’re speaking with is the same one who was messaging you. Does the conversation flow the way the messaging did? Is his humor similar? Is he picking up the conversation verbally where it left off on the app? Does he know who he’s speaking with or does he keep confusing you with someone else?

If the conversation feels a little stilted it’s not necessarily a red flag warning – some people (men and women) just don’t care for speaking on the phone and might converse more easily in person. You can let him know you’re happy to do that – after you speak on the phone at least once. That’s not a big ask.

And if he does confuse you with someone else, it doesn’t mean absolutely that this is a scam. As someone who’s done it a couple of times myself innocently, 😔 please give him some grace; but if it starts to seem like he’s just not paying attention, that’s a different story.

3)   Love meeting in person!

Do you find meeting someone in person difficult? Is it hard to schedule a time that works well for both of you? Is it stressful to get ready; decide what to wear, style your hair, take your look from work to wow? 

Do you live in a city where driving and parking are part-time jobs? 

Do you wish you could go back to the days that some of us consider chivalrous, when men asked women on dates, and picked them up, took them out and drove them back home?

Here’s the fix. Experience love in your time, not anyone else’s! 

Did you let yourself believe you didn’t have time to learn your business? No. Take that same approach to scheduling dates. And if you have a system for getting dressed for work you can develop one for dates that leaves you feeling more like a romantic partner than a boss. 

Embrace having your own wheels! Until you’ve spent enough in-person time with a man, have found out more about him, his family, his friends, his life, enjoy literally being in the driver’s seat.

When you’ve checked the boxes with your systems – scheduling, dressing and traveling – it makes being on the actual date so much more fun! You don’t have to be distracted, you can do the only thing you’re there to do – see and be seen, talk, laugh, share, listen. Focus on him to see and hear what makes this man great. Does he have a great sense of humor or knowledge about a topic you’ve always wondered about? Does he run a corporation that’s donating funds to your favorite cause? Has he traveled to all the places you’ve been to yourself?

There’s something great about each and every one of us, although whether or not this is someone who’s great for you … that’s for you to decide after you’ve had a few more dates.

#havemorelove #datingandrelationships #midlifemarriage #datingat50 #marriedat50 #marriedat40 #midlifedating #onlinedating  #datingat40 #midlifelove

Is this a good time to go online for love?

love, dating, relationships, marriage, deciding, seeing into the future, when is a good time?

 

Looking for love, dating or marriage online?  Now’s the time!

I used to think that fall was a terrible time to go online because of the upcoming holidays, believing that everybody was already coupled up and that I would just drift in a sea of unread profiles and unseen pics.

I was so wrong! My now-boyfriend and I had our first official date last October 28th. We’re coming up on our 1st anniversary and if I’d decided last year that all the good ones must already be taken, someone else would have taken him!

Here’s the thing, the run-up to the winter holidays has always been a good time to seek love online. The only reason I thought it was bad was because that story kept me safe. Coming up with excuses to not go online was second nature to me, as cozy as a soft blanket. 

Do you think you’ll have to give up too much of your current lifestyle and activities to be with a man? Will you disappoint the ones who depend on you to be the steadfast, single friend? Perhaps you’re simply feeling comfortable with your singleness and feeling resistant to change. 

If you’d like to spend this New Year’s Eve cozied up with your man instead of your blanket, then this is the perfect time to figure out what’s holding you back so you can move forward!

Ask yourself, what kind of relationships have I had in the past? What did each of my previous experiences have in common? Did I choose the same kind of man each time? 

Take your focus off the men and take a good look at yourself, your patterns, your thoughts and actions. That’s where you’ll strike gold. It’s true that knowledge is power, because you can’t get what you want for your future until you know what hasn’t gotten you what you want up until now.

After you’ve figured out exactly what’s been holding you back, take a good long look in the mirror and say goodbye to the past, single you.

Looking for love online? Let yourself be seen 

After you’ve said goodbye to the past, single you, while you’re still looking in that mirror, say hello to the new you. The woman who is ready, willing and able to create a beautiful online profile that shares the true you, honestly and with joy! This is the way to allow your right match to find you!

You want to let your man know exactly who you are and what he can expect when he chooses to share his life with you. 

Let him see himself; talk directly to him and tell him about the kind of man you seek. Is he quietly confident or brashly intrepid? Is he celebrating many years as an employee, happy with his two weeks’ annual pre-planned vacation, or a titan who moves mountains from his laptop and can pick up on the spur of the moment and accompany you on a month-long adventure? Are you looking forward to his corny jokes or heartfelt poetry? Tell him so!

 Let him see the future; tell him the things you enjoy and how you spend your time and suggest ways you’d like to spend your time together. And be sure to let him know that this is not an all-inclusive list, that part of getting to know each other will be discovering what he enjoys and coming up with ideas for all the things you’ll enjoy and do together

 Let him see you; post clear, current, beautiful photos that complement what you’ve written and show you in the best possible way – as you are now. It’s not about pore-erasing filters or slimming poses, it’s about expressing visually what you want him to know about you and the life you’ll share.

Might some other men, some mismatches, be attracted to you as well? Of course they will, so what? The more deliberate you are about presenting yourself fully, out loud, the more interest you’ll have – and the greater probability your best match will find you.

Seeking your right match for love? Game, Mindset, Match

If you’re anything like I was, you’ve probably spent a lot of time writing and re-writing your profile, asking your friends what makes you a catch and wondering how sarcastic you can dare to be in print (based on studies, skip the snark and stick to a more playful type of humor. Sarcasm doesn’t read well; you really need to hear the tone of someone’s voice for that to sound funny). And you’ve spent as much time, if not more, taking and discarding photos, convinced you need to look taller, thinner or younger. 

If you want to create a different outcome in dating than you ever have before I really recommend you invest conscious effort working on your mindset. Okay, you’ve been hearing that word a lot lately, what does it mean? According to an online dictionary, your mindset is the established set of attitudes you hold. What does this mean for your romantic results? Your outcome in romance has a lot more to do with what you think about men and dating than it does with the men themselves.

Schedule regular time each week to work out what you need to do to go to the next level. Ask yourself real questions about your past and your present and don’t stop until you arrive at real answers. And when you uncover a belief about yourself, men or relationships that doesn’t serve you, practice thinking a new one.

Just like I mentioned earlier about how seeing your past patterns gives you power to stop repeating your old outcomes, seeing your present behavior is your first step in creating your most desired future . Notice where you’re hiding away, feeling unworthy, not being authentic. Look for a tendency to procrastinate going online or to live social events where you might meet a man in person, or otherwise sabotage your success. 

No matter if you’ve been in a years’ long relationship, had a bunch of short ‘situationships’ or you’ve never dated at all, you can, ultimately, wind up in your most desired, enriched romantic relationship, cozied up with your rightest match as the ball drops this New Year’s Eve!

#havemorelove #datingandrelationships #midlifemarriage #datingat50 #marriedat50 #marriedat40 #midlifedating #onlinedating  #datingat40 #midlifelove

What you need to know about Love and Relationships

love, relationships, marriage, dating, what you need to know now

Here are things you need to know about love and relationships if you’ve never been married

There are some basic things you need to know to have the loving relationship you really, really want – whether you’ve never been married, or you have been and aren’t anymore.

You are lovable and worthy and absolutely deserve a healthy, supportive, loving, happy romantic partnership with the man you choose. You don’t need to prove anything to anybody, you don’t have to convince anybody, you don’t have to do anything but love. Love yourself, love men, love other humans in general, and learn to love the process of dating, because it’s through this process that you will meet your right match.

I want to let you in on a little secret … you might not be ready to love dating, but the truth is you can learn to enjoy it, and that might snowball and you might start to have fun … and if you have fun dating, who knows what might happen? 😉 

One key to changing your outcomes in love and relationships

Although the early stages of any love relationship are similar, when you’ve never been married you may be having different experiences of dating than women who are dating again after divorce.

I used to get a lot of questions from men who were, quite honestly, suspicious. One guy on a date said, “You’ve never been married? What’s wrong with you?”

Nothing. Nothing at all, I said. I simply never chose to marry any of the men I’d dated, because I knew none of those relationships was meant to last.

Although I had plenty to say about that guy at the time, none of it printable here, I have to admit he was sent to be my teacher. I meant the things I’d said, but his attitude made me want to hide. The interaction propelled me to an important key in my evolution – asking the important questions like, if I really wanted to be married, why was I dating men who weren’t potential husbands? Obviously what I’d been doing for years – putting the focus on the men – was not helping me figure that out.  What I needed to do was invest my time and energy, and eventually money, in loving, gentle, thorough self-exploration. And I didn’t stop until I’d come up with the true answers.

Another key to creating the love you want

When I spent the time to figure out why I was dating men I didn’t want to be married to I realized something. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be married at all!

That really is amazing, isn’t it? I mean, who doesn’t want to be married? Ummm, turns out lots of people!

I’d gotten so used to the idea that everybody gets married and that women are supposed to get married and are supposed to want to get married, that I never once stopped to wonder if I personally really wanted to be married. I never questioned it until the moment the man across the table on that first and only date claimed that both of his ex-wives just suddenly decided they didn’t want to be married any more, with absolutely no warning, and then suggested something was wrong with me.

Before you ask – no, it wasn’t easy to be civil when I wanted to toss my water in his face and stalk off. Although, since I was going to wake up with myself in the morning I didn’t want to have any regrets – so I plastered on a smile and bided my time until I could get in my car and get myself home.

Do the work to figure out what you want and create that, no matter who else in the world has something to say about it. At the end of your time here on this planet those naysayers will be nowhere to be found. It’s all you.

#havemorelove #datingandrelationships #midlifemarriage #datingat50 #marriedat50 #marriedat40 #midlifedating #onlinedating  #datingat40 #midlifelove