Do you want to be married to a person? Maybe it’s what you’re NOT doing that’s holding you back.

After you read last week’s missive did you do an action audit? Are you doing one of these 3 things that is keeping you from meeting and dating men who are great possibilities for marriage?

If you did, good job! The first step can be the hardest – celebrate yourself for taking it! But, what if it’s not something you’re doing that’s holding you back, what if it’s something you’re not doing that you ought to? 

If you’re not any closer to marriage, what aren’t you doing?

Engaging in love and relationships in the real world

In a 2019 interview, author Frances Mayes (remember Under the Tuscan Sun, one of the most romantic stories ever told?) said she thought the internet hadn’t caught on as much in Italy because people live life in person. They don’t email each other because every day they sit and talk with their neighbors in the piazza or meet their old high school flame in the grocery store.

Lately we’ve all spent much more time in our homes and online. And even prior to the pandemic many more couples were meeting online than in person – but – that only means the original meeting. At some point you must move that interaction offline and into a space where you can meet face to face. If you don’t, it’s not online dating, it’s online writing. It’s being digital pen pals, and that doesn’t lead to marriage.

Ask yourself – Do I want to be married to technology, or to a person? Then act accordingly. One of the greatest compliments I ever received was being told I’m very European. That person meant that I enjoy being, not only doing. Be more European, be more face to face with people, be with yourself comfortably and genuinely in a way that invites others to be with you, too.

Curating a happy marriage feed

When you open your eyes in the morning what’s the first thing you do? If it’s to check your social media … What do you read? Who do you see? 

Throughout the day, are you constantly checking your feed to be brought up to date on the latest news, or incessantly posting what you’re eating, what you’re watching, what you’re thinking and then checking to see who ‘liked’ it?

Your head’s in your phone All. Day. Long. Do you see stories about committed love and lifelong marriage and images of beautiful weddings and happy couples? Are you posting and sharing stories about the kind of fulfilling love and real marriage you want – or ‘jokes’ about toxic husbands and bridezillas?

In order to be it you have to first see it. If your body is your temple, your mind is your haven. You are the gatekeeper and it’s up to you what you allow into both of those precious spaces. Do what serves you, act the way you want to be in the world. You don’t have to do or be what other people think is amusing. Because honestly, it’s not that amusing, even to them.

Loving yourself ‘til death do you part

So, here’s the part where you might roll your eyes at me, and I’m okay with that. Really. Because the one thing you are most resistant to accepting is probably the one thing you need to embrace to make the incredible transformation you keep saying you want!

You’ve heard it and read it for years – you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. And you roll your eyes or slam down your phone or throw the book across the room (luckily, I missed the lamp). I don’t know why you feel angry; l felt angry because I thought I was being blamed for not having the thing I wanted.

If someone says you ought to love yourself and your response is to feel anger, you don’t love yourself. I know this for 2 reasons.

 When you really love yourself, nobody tells you you ought to because it’s evident that you do. 

The times when I heard that statement and got angry it was because I didn’t love myself. I said I did, I thought I did, but I really didn’t, because I didn’t get what it meant to really love myself.

BTW – I don’t agree that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. I believe you have to love yourself before you can allow someone else to love you. Stay tuned next week! 🙂

The only relationship you are guaranteed to be in ‘til death do you part is the one you have with yourself. Don’t you want it to be the happiest, the most joyous, honest, fulfilling, the most absolutely delicious one possible?

This is your marriage. Whether it’s a happy one is up to you.

#havemorelove #datingandrelationships #midlifemarriage #datingat50 #marriedat50 #marriedat40 #midlifedating #onlinedating