Secret #3 –
In order to reach your goal,
you need to stop pursuing your intention.
Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Business – Your aim must be true.
What are your intentions?
That’s the old-school question most often associated with dating, relationships and marriage. But the real question you have to ask yourself now is, is my intention to not risk feeling a painful feeling getting in the way of having the romantic relationship I desire?
Aren’t we supposed to set intentions for interactions? Yes, although… Sometimes, when it comes to wanting to avoid things, especially when those things involve our feelings, we don’t realize our intention is working at cross-purposes with our desire.
Say you’re someone who wants very much to be in a committed relationship, and perhaps be married one day. What qualities do you seek in a partner? Respect, compassion, generosity, ambition, fairness, the ability to get along with your family and friends and treat you well would all be great!
Yet when you meet a man who seems to personify at least a few of those gems you decide he’s “too nice” or “boring” or simply, “I don’t know, he’s just not for me.”
Perhaps it’s because the last time you went all in with a man who actually had all those qualities – a man you saw as your right match, who you were dreaming about having a future with – he broke your heart.
If you’ve ever said, I don’t want to have my heart broken like that again, that’s your intention! You may have a desire to be married, but if you are not connecting with men who are truly marriage material, you have been pursuing your intention rather than your desire.
Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Business – Feel your feelings.
Have you ever said the words, “I don’t ever want to have my heart broken again?”
And have you had fulfilling relationships (or fun dates) with men who could actually, for real, be your “one?”
If you answered yes to the first question you probably answered no to the second. Hmmmm, how’d she know that?
Because attaining, obtaining or acquiring anything of any importance or value involves risk. It’s called having skin in the game, which in business usually means money. In relationships it means feelings.
All of us want what we want because of how we think we’ll feel when we have it. You may have looked to the future and dreamt about feeling loved, desired, cherished and supported. Those are the feelings you think you’ll feel when you’ve reached your happily ever after, but the skin you’ll have to have in this game is the risk of feeling sad, mad, frustrated or even rejected while you’re in motion.
Here’s how I weigh a risk involving my feelings – if I have to risk feeling sad for a short while in order to be cherished for the rest of my life, I’m in!
How about you?
Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Business – Be onto yourself!
So, what’s really stopping you from having the enriched romantic relationship, the life-partner, marriage and family, that you really, really want?
Is it true that there aren’t any good men out there, or that the men your age only want younger women, or don’t want commitments?
Perhaps the truth is that you’ve been standing in your own way in order to protect your heart from being broken. That makes so much sense, and yet it can’t help you get from where you are now to where you want to be.
If you are really going to have the relationship that up until now you’ve only dreamt of, you are going to have to do some things for its benefit that you might not want to do. They’re not illegal or immoral, they just might not be enjoyable – but only for a little while. Think of this as the compromise that comes in all relationships, but instead of compromising with your partner about who takes out the garbage, you’re going to compromise with yourself about feeling all your feelings.
Be willing to make a different choice.
Be willing to take a different action.
Be willing to feel any feeling.
It’s the only way to create a different outcome.
And if you’re single and want to be married, a different outcome is the goal, if not the intention.