Secret #2 – You’ll know you’re doing it right if it feels wrong.

Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Business – Embrace the truth.

You know that if you want to have something different you need to do something different, so … if you want to enjoy more personal relationships in your life you’ll have to make some changes.

Change is uncomfortable. So if you do something different you will feel discomfort. Not because there’s something wrong, simply because it’s something new.

Doing something different causes discomfort and anything new is different, period. That’s the reason you’re not married – yet. Really. It’s not because your work is more important than your personal life or you’re the only one who can get it done, or there aren’t any good men out there or all men are commitment-phobes, or if it were going to happen it would have by now, or you’re unworthy. 

It’s just because people don’t like to feel discomfort – you don’t like to feel discomfort – so in each moment when you are called upon to choose between a date and a business “emergency” you fall back on your default rather than falling forward into romantic fulfillment.

You are going to have to say no when you’re used to saying yes. Saying, I’m sorry, I can’t deliver that tomorrow morning, I can deliver it tomorrow by the end of the day. How do you possibly say that to someone? By reminding yourself of your why. Why? Because I want to have a personal relationship as much as I want to have a career. And in order to serve my desire, I only work during work hours and I socialize during after work hours.

Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Business – Embrace the discomfort.

Been on a rollercoaster lately? I mean an actual roller coaster. It’s rare that you’ll ever find me on one because I don’t like the feeling of my stomach clenching and churning and my heart trying to escape through my chest on its way to my throat – and yet feeling those feelings is exactly the reason some people love to ride them!  

Think about starting a big new business project that has the potential to garner you positive exposure and a big, fat bonus. Chances are 99.999% that it will also come with stakeholders with a plethora of opinions who’ll be more than happy to tell you how you ought to be doing it. Do you feel excitement or fear? Elation or dread? Will you do it anyway?

If you’re reading this the answer is probably yes. When it comes to the pursuit of success in business you are much more likely to feel excitement or elation and also much more likely to be willing to risk feeling fear or dread. For some reason, though, when it comes to romantic relationships you’ll do whatever it takes not to feel those feels. You’ll even say yes to working late when you’re got a date. Especially with someone to whom you’re attracted.

Success skills are transferable and if you want to create an enriched romantic relationship – if you want to be married – you are going to have to transfer some of your risk-tolerance from business to the personal side of your life. You are going to have to allow yourself to feel discomfort.

Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Business – Embrace your new love!

There’s a benefit to you staying single, something you value, something you gain. Because if there wasn’t something in it you’d be out. If you want to be single, be single and revel in it! But if you want to be married, you need to know that what seems like a benefit is really just a story keeping you stuck in the endless loop of doing the same thing over and over while saying you want a different result.

You need to figure it out right now for two reasons. The first is that you need to see you’re not weak, you actually are creating an outcome that feeds you. The second is, in order to know what to change to create what you want you need to know what it is that’s keeping you from it. Makes sense, right?

This work isn’t easy, it’s imperative. But only if you want a higher-quality interaction with your partner from the start than many couples have in a lifetime. 

Learning what motivates you while you’re still single, finding out how you make decisions and why and what’s truly important to you now, is going to put you so far ahead when you’re in that romantic partnership you will cut out 90% of the growing pains. That’s the drama many couples experience when they’re each trying to adjust to being together after having been separate for so long. 

You get to be in your relationship on your terms. Why not do whatever you can to make them benefit both of you?

Stay tuned … Secret #3 is coming up!