Secret #1 – Work and life are not two separate things.

Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Business – All together how?

Does it feel like your life is a constant struggle to find equity, evenness … balance? Work is part of life and perhaps part of the reason you feel out of balance is because you think your non-work life is your time and work is outside of that, something outside your life that you’re trying to manage so you can get back to your time, your life.

Think of yourself as having one grand life, within which you get to have a plethora of different activities – some social, some business. You get to choose how much time you apportion to each activity – although I know it doesn’t feel like it.

If you want to create outcomes that you haven’t yet, maybe it’s because you keep apportioning your time in the same way that you always have. Here’s an example:

You met a man and he’s ah-may-zing! Well, at least you think he is so far; his picture is quite attractive, and reading his profile makes your heart sing!

You message, you txt, you talk, you’re all set to meet for dinner after work tonight and – wouldn’t you know it? A client calls just as you’re turning out the light to say they absolutely, positively need a proposal on their desk by 9am tomorrow. 

Or maybe for you it looks like your boss coming into your office just as you’re shutting down your computer to say that the entire quarterly earnings forecast absolutely, positively must be revised. Although the meeting’s not for two days, she’d really like to have it tomorrow so she can review it before the meeting.

Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Business – Who’s got the time?

Whether you’re in the driver’s seat of your own company or the C-Suite of somebody else’s, the “absolutely, positivelies” are exactly the same. And the question isn’t what do you do, my question for you is, how often have you done it? How often have you chosen working late over a date?

We don’t simply find the time for anything, if there’s something we really, really want we must make the time for it. And that means that if you want more social in your life you need to make different choices than you ever have before about your time.

No conversation about decisions and time would be truly complete without understanding the difference between values, priorities, goals and intentions.

There may be things in this world that you think are important, but unless you’re investing either your time or your money in them they are not priorities. 

You may value family, but if you keep choosing work over dating – a first step in creating a relationship – it’s not truly a priority.

Creating your own family by getting married may be your desired goal but if you keep choosing to date men who are in some way unavailable for commitment you are satisfying an unconscious intention and not actively pursuing your goal.

Dating, Relationships, Marriage, Business – What’s the answer?

If you want to make a change in your relationship status you will need to make different choices and follow them up with different actions, or else it’s all just an exercise in futility. The good news is, you know how to do that; it’s part of the way you got to where you are in your career. You make more choices and take more actions before breakfast than most people do all day.

It’s time to ask yourself some useful questions, and hold yourself accountable for getting to the real answers. This is the time to dig deep, be honest, and show yourself the same kind of compassion you’d extend to a dear friend who asked for your help. Be kind and firm and don’t give up until you figure out what is holding you back.

Here are some questions to get you started:

• How happy am I right now?
• Where do I see myself in 5 years?
• Do I see myself there single or married?
• If I can only envision myself single, how come?
• Do I really want to be married?
• If yes, how come?
• If no, how come?

You know how much time and money you save by engaging professional guidance to benefit your business. Professionals are also available to help you create the results you want in the social part of your life. 

Shhhhh … Secret #2 is coming up!

Lena Ehrenberg is a Certified Life Coach who specializes in helping female career professionals who have never been married learn how to make time for the romance they want without giving up the work they love. She can be found on a variety of social media platforms @havemorelove.