One day my mom ran into the mother of one of my former schoolmates in the grocery store. They stood in the produce section and talked about their children and when my mom told her I’d never been married she was astonished and asked, “Doesn’t it bother you that she’s never been married?” My mom said, ” I’m not unhappy she’s not married, I’m happy she’s not divorced.”
There was a point where I knew that it was more important for me to be married than to simply get married, and if I’d gotten married in my 20’s, 30’s or even my 40’s – I would have wound up divorced or miserable – or both. Because I wasn’t dating men with whom I could be happily married.
Until I got serious and hired a coach, I didn’t know that the misery I was experiencing about dating was all about me and not the men. I didn’t know that whenever I sabotaged a relationship with someone I really liked, it was because I was scared of something about me. I didn’t know that the reason I wasn’t meeting high-quality men wasn’t because men weren’t high-quality, but because I didn’t believe they’d be there for me.
It took me being willing to look into my own thoughts, feelings and habits – and change my relationship with myself – to change my dating outcomes forever.
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