Face Up to the Relationship You Want

It’s time to face up to it.

Here’s a truth we’ve been trying to avoid – we’re going to be sheltered in place for a lot longer than we’ve let ourselves think. Now what do you do?

Literally, what do you do? What are you doing with your time, what are you accomplishing for yourself? And I don’t mean cleaning out the cupboards or learning a new language, I’m talking about how you are being, thinking, feeling. All of these are relevant not only now; also to who you want to be later. But let’s talk about now.

If you are able to spend some quality time alone with your own thoughts you are going to be so much happier than someone who seeks continual pleasure in escaping. If you can be open to your thoughts and accept them for now, it will be so much more useful to you in the long run. It’s not the things that happen to you, it’s what you think about the things that happen, that are the basis of all your results in life, and accepting your current thoughts and embracing the discomfort that will come with them, will be the first step in enabling you to create whatever results you choose.

Embracing discomfort? What’s the point of that? 

Have you ever dreamt of being in paradise? I don’t know what it looks like to you, but to me paradise is calm, tranquil and filled with light. Water flows, flowers bloom and birds sing. I guess to me paradise is a lot like Hawaii. So it came as a real shock to learn that Hawaii has an astronomically high rate of crime and incarceration related to drugs, specifically methamphetamine. Why?

Why would so many people live in paradise and turn to drugs? For the same reason people live anywhere and turn to drugs  – they want to avoid thinking their thoughts because those thoughts are often painful and lead to a lot of feelings that are uncomfortable. If their thoughts are causing them pain they think the answer is to not think them, and they think the way to not think is to just do something, anything, else.

Think about this – paradise doesn’t offer all the distractions, the bright lights, loud music, movies, shows, restaurants, parties, ‘scenes’ that we find in other places. That’s why we call it paradise! And yet, without those distractions what it does offer is a lot of time for you to be alone with your thoughts. Just like sheltering in place…

Maybe for you it’s not drugs, maybe it’s shopping or eating or drinking, but if there’s something you do a lot or often (or used to do) so that you don’t have to think your thoughts, that thing isn’t making your life better; it’s not fixing anything, it’s just enabling you to not see your life as it is. And when you don’t let yourself see it you are actually not motivated to change it, to make it better. You just keep allowing it to be the way you don’t want it to be while you ignore it. Would you rather live the life you want or just keep allowing/ignoring the one you don’t?

That’s why, as hard as it is, embracing discomfort will help you finally have all the things in life that you want. And if one of those things is an enriched romantic relationship ask yourself this: Would I rather always feel comfortable with things I don’t want, or have a fulfilling romantic partnership with a quality man? Because, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but those ‘fulfilling romantic relationships’ can be, at times, pretty uncomfortable.

If you want to incorporate a concept you’re reading about and you don’t know how to start please schedule a time for us to speak.  https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/  

How is this all working for you?

It sounds like a cliche but it’s true – this monumental occurrence in everyone’s lives can truly work for you, not against. This is a gift of time, use it to your advantage! Roll up your mental sleeves and figure out what you’ve been thinking that has gotten you to where you are in your relationships right now.

Once you’ve figured out how you got here, and allow yourself to adjust to that and let it feel familiar, then you can start to move forward into where you want to go.  

Here’s how I can help: Do you want to have the loving relationship you’ve always dreamt of and don’t know how to start? Click on this link to schedule your free 20-minute discovery call with me. https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/