Are you 100% committed?
Have you ever heard that if you really want to succeed at something you can’t have a Plan B? I never thought that I did. There’s always been something I wanted to do, some goal I was working toward, and I would have sworn to you that I was 100% committed since I wasn’t trying to do two things at once. I wasn’t out trying to start two businesses in case one didn’t make it, or entering the Pillsbury Bake-Off while trying to interest one of their competitors in my recipe just to hedge my bet. (That was so much fun! And my neighbors loved being my taste-test audience.)
What I didn’t realize is that having a Plan B is pretty much unconscious – and it is the ruin of many an achievable goal. If you’re not getting the things you say you want what you’re getting is your Plan B, and you probably don’t even realize you have one.
How do I know if I’ve got a Plan B?
When you state an intention to achieve a goal, that is Plan A. In order for something to count as a true goal it must be measurable. “I will earn $100,000 In 12 months in my business” or “I’m going to lose 25 pounds” are measurable goals. “I want to create a successful business” and “I’m going to eat better” are not, because there’s no way to measure ‘successful” or “better.”
You probably think, like I did, that since you don’t have an obviously competing goal that you must be committed to doing what you said you would. But you may be totally unconscious of your Plan B. Here’s the way you find out if you’ve got one lurking in the shadows waiting to scuttle your dream.
Answer this question: When you get to that notation in your calendar that says, “do the thing you said you’d do in order to create the goal” do you do it?
And if you don’t, do you know why not?
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What do I do about it?
Each of us has an inherent Plan B because it is what protects us from taking actions our brains think are dangerous. That’s why we’re not aware of it, don’t see it as the conflict of interest it is, the way we would with a blatant conflict. Plan B is seeking pleasure and avoiding pain – or what your brain thinks of as pain. If your plan A involves being in a romantic relationship, which involves meeting men and dating them, actions leading to Plan B could be as simple as taking a nap rather than returning a man’s phone message. Even though you like him your brain tells you you’re much too tired to be at your ‘best.’
The first step in changing any unwanted behavior is acknowledging that you’re doing it. In this case you’ll have to acknowledge it’s the thing you’re not doing that you want to change. The second step is understanding why. So when you catch yourself in the fast-food drive through rather than home eating the fresh vegetables you bought to help with your weight loss plan, or not engaging in interactions with men that will help move a relationship on to the next level, ask yourself why.
Want to make major changes and don’t know how to start? Click here to sign up for my 4 step system and Have Fun on Every Single Date!
How does this apply to me?
If you have set your sights on being half of an enriched romantic partnership before this year is out, if you have promised yourself that this is the last time you’ll spend New Year’s Eve, Valentine’s Day, your birthday, or any other day of the year all by yourself, then that’s a goal and it sounds very measurable to me.
There are a lot of articles and posts that scream about self-sabotage and make you feel like a criminal for being human (maybe that was just me) as if you purposely and knowingly keep spoiling your own plans. There’s something you ought to know; I can help you change this so you can get what you desire – a fulfilling relationship with a quality man!
It doesn’t have to be this way.
If you see yourself in this description know that it can be different. You can have the romantic relationship you desire. You can change the way you’ve interacted up until now, you can let others love you. You can have the romance, fulfillment and connection you crave.
And I am here to help.
Yes, especially now, you can meet your high quality man and have the enriched romantic relationship you desire!
If you’d like to create different outcomes you need to take different actions, and I can help. Click here to sign up for my 4 step system and Have Fun on Every Single Date!