Relationship and You: You Must Do This First

Am I the only one in the world who feels like I’ll never find love?

Let me put your mind at ease – I can promise you, you’re not. Truly, the thoughts you are having about love, romance, companionship, partnership, and your probability of ever finding it for yourself, are shared by many, many other women, both women and men as a matter of fact.

Even as I wrote that I realized that I can’t. Put your mind at ease, I mean. I can promise you that what I said is true, but whether or not you find ease is totally dependent on what you choose to think. And that’s the point of the work I’ve been bringing to you here.

It’s human nature to want to belong to a group, to want to be accepted. Science suggests that our brains are wired that way because back when we all lived in caves being left alone to fend for yourself meant almost certain death. And lots of us think that one way to remain accepted is to hide the parts of yourself you think are wrong. Consider that: many people think that in order to be accepted by others they must reject great parts of themselves. They’re trading self-acceptance for (possible) acceptance by others. 

First things first.

We humans are quite adept at not doing the things for ourselves that we need, and searching for others to do them for us. And if we do find someone to do them, they just don’t ever do them exactly, perfectly right, do they? Often we can’t find others to do them at all, because they are things that we must do for ourselves – at least at first.

We keep outsourcing our results, handing over the self-control we ought to have to friends and lovers and sometimes total strangers. We look to others to validate our choices, assure us of our worthiness, fill in the gaps in our own thought processes. If you don’t believe you’ve ever done this yourself, think back to high school and ask if you ever once cared more about your opinion of yourself than what that cute boy from your AP English class thought of you.

If this resonates for you then click here to sign up for my 4 step system and Have Fun on Every Single Date!

Love yourself first. Yes, really.

I know, I know, you’re tired of hearing, “You have to love yourself before you can find someone to love you.” It’s trite, it’s corny, it’s … TRUE! And here’s why.

You need buy-in for you to believe what others feel about you. And you can’t get it from anyone else other than you. Have you ever had someone tell you that they absolutely love the very thing (or one of the things) that you dislike about yourself? What happens?

You don’t believe them. There’s something in us that doesn’t believe it when people have an opposing viewpoint to our own. So what does it mean when someone tells you he loves you when you don’t believe that you are lovable? What happens when someone says he loves you when you don’t love you? 

You don’t believe him. If you don’t love yourself you can’t believe that others can truly love you, even though you want others to love you. Desperately. As a matter of fact, you’ve spent all your energy and focus searching for someone to love you so that you don’t have to and when you find someone who says he does, who says all the things you’ve been dying to hear, you can’t let him.

Want to make major changes and don’t know how to start? Click here to sign up for my 4 step system and Have Fun on Every Single Date!

I don’t believe you.

I know. I know you think I’m making something up or being dramatic just to make a point, but think about this – how many times has someone given you a compliment and rather than saying thank you and basking in the glow, you’ve said, “You don’t really mean that.”

How many times has a man told you the very thing you’d been waiting to hear, the very thing you always said would prove to you that someone loved you, and you wondered why in the world he would say that? 

The reason that you have to love yourself first is because, until you do, as much as you want it, you can’t allow someone else to love you either. 

Until you learn to love yourself nothing anyone else ever says or does can possibly be enough. You are constantly challenging him to prove to you that he really loves you and he never can. When he says he loves you, you wonder why. When he does nice things for you, you wonder why. You may think he’s lying, that  he’s trying to manipulate you, that he’s covering up for having done something wrong; the one thing that’s true is that you will not accept it. You will never believe it because you just can’t and you will create contention in your relationship and blame him for simply not loving you enough, or in the right way.

You will wind up pushing away the one thing you want more than anything in the world, and it will happen over and over again.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

If you see yourself in this description know that it can be different. You can have the romantic relationship you desire. You can change the way you’ve interacted up until now, you can let others love you. You can have romance, fulfillment and connection you crave.

And I am here to help.

Yes, especially now, you can meet your high quality man and have the enriched romantic relationship you desire!

If you’d like to create different outcomes you need to take different actions, and I can help. Click here to sign up for my 4 step system and Have Fun on Every Single Date!