Don’t lie to yourself.
That’s what my coach said to me. We were talking about a goal that is very important to me, and she asked why I wanted to achieve it and I told her two of my many reasons.
One of the options was for me to think, “Ouch, that was harsh,” which I did for a second. And I felt wounded. And feeling wounded I started to wonder, does she think I’m lying about my reasons or are my reasons not good enough? Then I started to spin into questioning if they are good enough and if I hadn’t caught myself I could have drilled myself right down into feeling unworthy from thinking, I’m not good enough. If I tried to take the necessary actions toward my goal while feeling unworthy that would have been the end of it.
Do you see how that works?
Have you ever realized that you’ve said or done something you wish you hadn’t, or not said or done something you wish you had? Was it a reaction to something someone else said or did, like the way I reacted to my coach telling me to not lie to myself? Yes, well, here’s the thing about that…
I didn’t feel wounded because of what she said, I felt wounded because I thought, “Ouch, that was harsh.” I’ll say that again – contrary to what you’ve been taught since you were little, someone else’s actions don’t ever cause your feelings. The only thing that ever causes your feelings is your thoughts.
So if I had told her my reasons for wanting to achieve this goal and she’d said, don’t lie to yourself, and I’d thought, I don’t ever lie to myself, who are you talking to, obviously you don’t know me, this would have been a very different blog post. But it’s about me almost winding up in a spiral of self-doubt and blowing a golden opportunity.
I can so totally relate to that.
So, at those times when you realized you said or did, or didn’t say or do, the thing you wish you had or hadn’t, what did you do? Did you beat yourself up, or bemoan your penchant for self-sabotage? (did you read last week’s blog post?) Read it here
Before you step onto the yellow brick road toward self-condemnation, please pause and repeat after me, “Oh, look at me being a beautiful human!” Because honestly, that’s what you’ve been doing, and you’ve been doing a darn good job of it! So here’s the secret, here’s the opportunity you’ve always wanted. Here’s the fork in the road. You were taught something backwards, that things or people are responsible for your feelings, so your outcomes have been backwards too. Now that you know that only your thoughts are responsible for your feelings you get to right your emotional ship. You now get to take full responsibility for all of your outcomes in your relationships!
Not feeling as excited as you might have thought you would? It’s scary to realize that you actually have control over something you’ve always been taught is out of your control. It’s a big responsibility to have autonomy. And it’s so worth it! And you can do it!
What do I do now?
Even though the outcomes you’ve been repeating all your life haven’t been what you wanted, after all this time they are familiar. And there’s comfort in familiarity. And a whole lot of discomfort in change. So, what can you do to ensure that you don’t just lull yourself into a false sense of comfort glued to the sofa with a bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos and the TV remote? Especially during this period of time when you’re being begged to stay home? You talk to someone who can help guide you away from the outcome you keep repeating and toward the outcome you really, really want.
Yes, it really can be simple. Not easy, simple. But I bet in order to finally meet that high quality man, to create that enriched romantic relationship, you’re willing to put your energy and focus into things that are not easy, aren’t you?
If you’d like help applying these life-changing ideas in your own life click here and let’s talk!
You’re an expert in you.
Each of us has something that we are particularly gifted at. What none of us is at all good at, without a lot of practice, is seeing inside our own thoughts. It takes a lot of conscious awareness, it takes training, it takes someone showing us a process to do it, and do it consistently, in order for us to eventually become the Watchers of our own thoughts.
You are an expert in you and nobody can tell you what choices to make. Once you meld your expertise with more self-awareness, foresight and start to view the world and all the men in it through your own personalized lens of love, your relationship outcomes will soar and you’ll experience life like a hot-air balloon ride – up above the clouds, beautiful, amazing!
Yes, you can have a fulfilling relationship with a quality man.
Yes, you can enjoy the intimacy, tenderness, companionship, desire and love that you’ve dreamt of but don’t quite believe will happen to you. Well, that’s because it won’t happen to you, it will happen because of you, along with me. Because you are an expert in you and I am an expert in a technique that is not like anything else you’ve read about, heard about or experienced. You are going to learn how to create your desired relationship results without tricks or rules or endless texting.
Yes, especially now, you can have the enriched romantic relationship you desire!
If you’d like help applying these life-changing ideas in your own life click here and let’s talk! https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/
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#20/20Vision