For a Quality Relationship Send Quality Messages

Are you sending mixed messages? 

That’s the question I’ve asked myself on numerous occasions. It usually comes up when I didn’t create the outcome I’d hoped for and I’m trying to figure out how to change it going forward. Each time the answer was yes. My actions weren’t leading to my hoped-for effect, something in the process was not going according to plan, and it was always a shock when I finally saw that the problem was … me. 

You really want to create different outcomes in your life and you keep circling back around and meeting yourself exactly where you started.  One thing you may want to change is to have more fun dating, so you can ultimately create the enriched romantic relationship you desire! If that’s not happening for you and one reason is you’re sending mixed messages, let me help you catch yourself in the act so you can do something much more productive. 

Mixed messages are a form of self-sabotage, and if you’ve ever realized after the fact that you did that to yourself it could be because you’ve got competing desires. And chances are you’re not even aware that you do. You may be very conscious of wanting something very much. You may not be at all conscious of not wanting the very same thing. Wanting a fulfilling, enriched romantic relationship with a quality man, and believing that dating is hard or there are no good men out there or that you’ll be forced to give up everything that’s good in your life right now in order to have it, is one way that you send mixed messages – to yourself.

How can I want something and also not want it?

You want a relationship because of how you’ll feel when you’re in it. You’ll feel amazing, loved, desired, cherished, adored. You just know that all of that will come from your man! But let’s think about other things that you also want. You want to feel comfortable, you want to feel safe, you may even want to always feel right about the choices you’ve made up until now. 

Starting something new is fraught with unknowns, and unknowns feel really uncomfortable. And unknowns don’t feel very safe. And if you make different choices now to have a different life going forward does that mean the choices you’ve made up until now were … wrong? How can you feel right about something that was wrong?

Once you’re aware of the ways you send mixed messages to yourself you may be able to see more clearly how you are doing it with others. I once met a man online who I was really excited about. We went out a couple of times and I couldn’t wait to see him again. We made a date to speak on the phone one evening and I looked forward to it all day! And then I fell asleep and awoke to realize I missed his call. Then I called him and he didn’t answer. It took a couple of days for us to catch up with each other. 

I’ve done it other times with not checking my messages and realizing someone had called me a long while before and I hadn’t called back. And these were with men I saw potential in!

You have the ability to learn new things now.

The term self-sabotage sounds so intentional, doesn’t it? It’s one of the things you might use against yourself to beat up on yourself, part of the way you collect evidence about why you shouldn’t be in a relationship – but please know that’s all part of the same mixed message. Your brain is just trying to look for any way possible to keep you safe, and like we saw above, doing new things doesn’t feel safe. Even when it’s a new thing you really, really want.

So, you’re not crazy, you’re not wrong, it’s perfectly okay that it’s been happening. And now you can change it!

If you’d like help applying these life-changing ideas in your own life click here and let’s talk!

You have to focus on the thing that you really, really want.

You feel like you’ve done everything, right? You’ve tried online dating, getting set up by friends, going to MeetUps and church or temple events, yet you always wind up in the same place – alone on your sofa every Saturday night. Well, right now we’re all alone on our sofas on Saturday night, but now that you are aware of one of the reasons you’ve been getting the same outcomes even though you’ve done so many different things,  you can start to take steps to change all of it. And now is the perfect time!

It never occurred to me that even though I really wanted to be in a relationship because of all the yummy goodness, there might also be some uncomfortable feelings. The voice in my head who always wants me to be safe makes that mean I shouldn’t do that. So I was unconsciously focusing on that, and taking actions to protect myself rather than the actions that would take me closer to my actual desire.

Now I know to put my focus on what I want, and let that voice in my head scream as loud as she wants… and you can, too! 

Yes, you can.

You can take this gift of time and create the ultimate joy for yourself! You think you’ve tried it all, but what if you really haven’t? You can learn unique techniques that are personalized for you- you can have fun on every single date!

Yes, especially now, you can have the fulfilling relationship you desire!

If you’d like help applying these life-changing ideas in your own life click here and let’s talk!

And while you’re there, grab your copy of Have Fun on Every Single Date!

Get it Here