Extract, don’t react. That’s a catchy phrase, isn’t it?
Rather than reacting in anger at someone for doing something ‘to you’ or ‘at you’ or beating up on yourself for not responding or spinning about what you should have said take a step back and consider the lesson presented by the circumstance. What can you learn from what happened?
Simply being in a relationship is not the goal of life; the goal is for each of us to grow in our understanding, to expand in our knowledge – to elevate and expand, not stay the same way we start. Relationships are not the goal, they’re the vehicles to get us to the goal. The point is to grow yourself via your interactions with others.
Say, if this happens again what would I rather do? What can I learn from this for next time? What can I learn from this to avoid a next time?
How do I extract what I need rather than react from default and blame the other person for wasting my time? Realize that when your takeaway from a date with Mr. Not Right for Me is only to think that you wasted your time, that’s when you waste your own time!
This is the opportunity you miss when you get in your head. Your first date or first three or ten or 100 dates are not your man because there’s something you need to learn. You need to grow, to evolve, to become a woman you are not in this moment in time.
You’re ready for a relationship. Do you really want just any relationship? Don’t you want a good, healthy, loving, equal partnership? There’s something in you that’s not ready for that and when you don’t ever learn the lessons of your interactions you keep blocking your ability to develop it. Stop thinking it’s the fault of all those men, stop believing that you attract commitment-phobes.
Understand that when a man wants to be with you he will make a commitment. Stop going into each relationship thinking more about getting to the commitment than about who he is and if he’s the man you want to be with. Stop feeling insulted and angry, blaming him for not being Mr. Right. Extract the lesson from the fact that you are currently not in the relationship you want – wanting and being ready are two different things. Take a good, long look in a mirror and ask yourself, what do I need to learn?
Then go out and learn it.
When you’re really, really ready to have the thing you really, really want and you’re ready to get help to achieve it at last, I’m only a click away!
If these ideas resonate with you and you’re ready to change your life contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org and we can schedule a free, 20 minute phone call.
Right now, take a moment and affirm for yourself:
I’m a big girl. I can handle it.