Do you ever think you want something but you tell yourself you don’t? I want to have my own business, I want to get married, I want to have more friends are all thoughts. But you tell yourself, it’s easy for her to start her own business; she has her husband’s salary to fall back on. It’s easy for women like her to get married; all men want someone who’s young and pretty. Of course she can make friends easily; she can talk to anybody about anything.
- Not every man in the world wants a woman who’s stereotypically ‘young and pretty.’
- Some people are born with certain attributes and skills and some aren’t and the ones who weren’t born with them – and want badly enough to succeed – learn them.
- If you believe that the answer to your happiness is always and only going to come from someplace outside yourself you will never truly be happy.
Everybody on the planet has strengths and weaknesses. Everybody has likes and dislikes. Everybody has some things they feel proficient in and some they don’t. When you give your brain the platform for putting you down, the ability to constantly compare you negatively to others you are, in actuality, speaking up for what you don’t want.
If you ‘think’ you want to be married and rather than learning how to achieve it you create a list of reasons why other women can do it and you can’t, in effect you’re saying you don’t really want it. Same for friends. Same for starting a business or whatever your dream is. You don’t want badly enough to attain success, what you really really want is to remain the same – comfortable. Unsatisfied, dissatisfied and comfortable.
Speak up for what you want rather than what you don’t want. When you think to yourself, ‘I want what she’s got,’ then you follow that with, ‘it’s easy for her, she gets things handed to her, it’s not easy for me, I don’t have the skills, the connections, the …’ it’s just fear creating excuses. Stop allowing your fear to convince you that due to some outside force that has nothing to do with you, you can’t have what you want, because if that’s the case you don’t really want it, do you?
Anytime you say, ‘Yeah but’1 it’s different for her because I’m this age, and this height and this weight and I don’t have a trust fund or a husband or those skills – you’re simply making excuses. You’re fighting for your perceived limitations. And the reward for fighting for your limitations is that you get to keep them!2
Do you desire more love in your life? You can have more love!
Do you want to have more fun dating? You can have more fun!
Don’t know where to start or how to get to the next rung of the relationship ladder? I would love to help! Please contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org and we can schedule a free, 20 minute phone call so that you can tell me what you believe is holding you back and I can offer you at least one, specific, action you can take that will change your results.
What if today is the day you take an action that propels you forward into the rest of your happy, loving, romantic life!
Right now, take a moment and affirm to yourself:
I’ve got what it takes to get what I want!
1,2 Thank you to Chellie Campbell for the lessons on ‘Yeah Buts’ and to Howard Fine for the insight regarding limitations.