The first baby that I fostered came to me in the late summer and I had her through late fall, perfect walking weather in southern California! And every single day that I was pushing that stroller I got into a conversation with at least one person who, when she heard I was fostering said, “Oh, fostering, I’ve always thought of doing that.” Honestly, I had no idea people were so aware of it and that so many single women (and men) considered doing it! I love that!
And because I love to learn about people, and places, and things (I ask a lot of questions) I would always ask them why they weren’t doing it. 90% of the time they’d say, “I could never fall in love with a child and then lose them.”
That bit of highly un-scientific research formed the basis of my decision to want to coach single women who really want to foster/adopt and can’t bring themselves to take the action necessary to do so.
How do you feel when you look forward to something that you believe will be fun? I bet you feel happy, joyful, excited. You start to feel positive feelings about a future event because you think it will cause positive feelings.
And when you look forward to something that you think will make you feel sad, uncomfortable, unhappy you start to feel sad, uncomfortable and unhappy.
Can you see that your thoughts are what are causing your feelings? They must be, because you are feeling the same things in the moment that you think you’ll feel when the event happens. Like now, you don’t even have a child and you already feel sad by only thinking about that child (who you don’t have) leaving.
One of the difficult things about being human is that we’re not supposed to be happy all the time, but oh, wouldn’t we like to be! And when we try to insulate ourselves from ever feeling negative feelings we eventually also insulate ourselves from ever feeling the joy of positive feelings, too.
You are trying to avoid a feeling that you might have in the future, and making yourself feel sad in the present – and you are denying yourself the joys that come along with all children – by choosing to not have a child in your life.
May is National Foster Awareness Month. If you have ever considered becoming a foster mama I would love to help you in your journey! And if someone you know has considered it, please forward this to her, ‘cause I’d love to help her, too!
What if it’s time for you to provide a safe, loving home for a child who needs and deserves one? What if it’s time for you to become a foster mama?
Right now, take a moment and affirm for yourself:
Once love is created it can never be lost.