In the 8 or 9 months I was actively dating online before my last relationship I met a lot of men who were smart and communicative and considerate, who showed up where they said they would when they said they would and were interested in getting to know me. They were simply not for me. No drama, just not a match. This is my story about online dating, what I dwell on. In that time I blocked 2, maybe 3, men who were totally inappropriate in the initial interactions. That is not my story about online dating, not what I dwell on. But it sure is some people’s story. I bet you’ve heard that refrain – “All men online are…” or “Every woman I meet is…” Have you even belted out a few choruses yourself?
Here’s a generalization for you 😉 – it seems to me that generalizations tend to be negative. And they’re all encompassing, too! ALL men. EVERY woman. And just like the words that come out of our own mouths, the words that come from other people can damage our belief systems. They become a thought that we often, unconsciously, accept as fact. What if you decide right now that you will consciously choose to think only positive, prosperous, uplifting thoughts?
During all the years I didn’t like myself, the years when I lived an insulated life spending much more time alone than with other people, it was easy to believe slights were intentional because that supported the negative feelings I had about myself. My story was that people were mean to me. I felt I deserved it, because I believed there was something about me that was horribly wrong. The more I went out looking for proof of my wrongness the more I found because I was acting out in ways that created the results that proved me right. After I’d gone through a big chunk of my transformational work and realized how it had all been a self-fulfilling prophesy, I went out into the world and started bumping up against people and making mistakes. I realized that people may be offended by things I say or do, but it’s not my intention to offend. I’m going about my business, living my life for me, not purposefully living my life against others. Now when I catch myself wondering if I may have been slighted I give people the benefit of the doubt. It enables interaction and connection, which creates an environment in which relationships can develop. And that had to start with me changing my sense of self-worth and self-esteem. I had to change my own behavior.
Before I started my work I was a nice person, but I didn’t always act like one. I had taken on behaviors that didn’t suit me, that didn’t serve me – or anyone else. I had to peel off that behavior in order to be approachable and available enough to create true relationships. That’s what’s at the crux of a lot of self-growth work – not so much changing who you are on the inside, but peeling away the outer shell and presenting who you are on the inside. It can be scary to be so vulnerable. But a truth I discovered during all those years of insulation – it’s much more scary to not be vulnerable and to spend so much time alone.
Right now, take a moment and affirm to yourself:
I consciously choose to think only positive, prosperous, uplifting thoughts!