You Are Not Alone in Needing or Giving Kindness

Does it feel like the world is a very different place from the way it was two weeks ago? If you said yes you are not alone. 

What have you noticed?

I’ve noticed over the last weeks that when I smile or say hello to someone on the street they smile back, and often say hello. When I’m shopping for friends who aren’t leaving their homes and I ask for assistance, the clerk stops what they’re doing and gives me their attention and stays with me until I’ve found what my friend needs. I’ve noticed that when someone asks how I am, it sounds to me as if they really care. The thing is, they’re not different, I am. They always cared. They’re not speaking differently, I’m hearing differently because I’m thinking different thoughts about them, and that is making all the difference in the way I feel. I’m thinking the same thoughts about them that I’m thinking about you.

The thoughts I’m thinking about you right now are: I hope you’re protecting yourself mentally as well as physically. I hope you’re taking good care of your mind and your body. I hope you’re putting as much thought into nourishing yourself emotionally, mentally and spiritually as physically.

If there are ideas here that you’d like to implement in your own life and need some help getting started, click on http://lenaehrenberg.com/contact/ to schedule a free, 20-minute coaching session.

 We have always been this kind.

 Some say that people are kinder now but I don’t believe that’s true. I believe that people are inherently kind, and that for some reason they don’t tend to show it under normal circumstances. But as we keep hearing – these are not normal circumstances. Or are they?

We are in an extraordinary period of time right now because everyone all around the world is having an experience of the same circumstance – and yet different people are having very different experiences of it. There have been other pandemics throughout history, there have been comparisons made to the pandemic of 1918 that claimed the lives of millions around the world, and yet the thing that makes this time seem so different is the same thing that will ultimately stem the tide – technology. What adds to the extraordinariness of it is that this is the first time in history we are all seeing each other, all around the world, go through it together, in real time, via the internet. 

How about a news diet? 

The internet is a blessing for sharing science and medicine and best physical health practices and what’s worked and what hasn’t and how to cut down the physical spread of the disease and how to tell people to stay at home en masse – what it is as equally a blessing for that is actually a detriment, is the spread of the mental disease of fear. 

 How is it possible that some people are very fearful for their physical health and the health of their loved ones and others aren’t? My guess is that the ones who don’t have pre-existing physical conditions that actually put them at greater risk and are still extremely fearful are the ones who are not protecting themselves mentally from the spread of the fear. Not only are they not protecting themselves from it, they are actively bringing it into their experience.

They are not standing porter at the door of thought. They are spending a lot of time watching the news and scrolling through online sites and in chats with others who are as fearful as they are, and each ‘touch’ is compounding their level of fear.

Please, have compassion for yourself as you do for others.

 My wish for you, my compatriot in self-compassion, is that you take as good care of your mind as your body, that you practice true self-care in the form of limiting your intake of news and information so that it doesn’t inflame your thoughts and stoke fear. Please cleanse your thoughts as carefully as you wash your hands, and nourish yourself in as many ways as you can think of including more time clearing your mental clutter and less time imbibing the news of the latest negative numbers – both the corona virus and the stock market.

Yes, even now, you can have a fulfilling relationship – with yourself!

How do you clear your mental clutter? One of the best ways I know of is to do daily thought downloads. It is exactly how it sounds – take out a piece of paper and a pen and write down every sentence, every thought, every idea, that is running in your head at that moment. It’s really cleansing to do this first thing in the morning when you awaken, especially when you combine it with another mindful practice such as meditation or a gratitude exercise. But even if you only do it for a couple of minutes in the middle of the day it is still worthwhile and cleansing. It’s amazing to start to see the thoughts you’ve believed to be truths for what they really are – sentences on paper with no more power than that.

If you’d like to learn how to feel better and create the enriched romantic relationship you desire, along with a better relationship with yourself, please click on http://lenaehrenberg.com/contact/ to schedule a free, 20-minute coaching session.

 And while you’re there, grab your copy of Have Fun on Every Single Date!

Get it Here

#20/20Vision

Think Your Way to Feeling Better

Do you feel like the world is a very different place from the way it was a short week ago? You’re not alone. How are you feeling about it?

That might seem like a funny question to ask, but there are a lot of different people in the world and a lot of different feelings coming up right now. Some are feeling worried; either about their families, about their jobs, their own health or about staying at home for so long because they like to be out and active and social. Some are feeling angry, because they had a lot of very important plans coming up, and now they’re either postponed or cancelled all together.

Some are feeling sad, thinking about all the people who are being adversely affected, the illnesses and the losses, and the economic repercussions. Worry, anger, sadness … isn’t it fascinating that there are so many different ways to feel about the same circumstance?

Start With Your Own Feelings

 It really is amazing to realize that pretty much everyone in the entire world is experiencing the same circumstance. So if it’s the same, how is it possible that people are having different feelings? Even though it seems like your feelings are dependent on something that happens – a circumstance – in truth, every feeling you have starts with your thought about that circumstance.

 Are you feeling worried right now? What are you thinking? Are you thinking about the health of your friends and loved ones? Are you thinking about how your job might be, or has already been, affected? Perhaps you’re simply wondering how long this period of staying at home will last. Thoughts about uncertainty will generally lead to feeling worried.

 Here’s something else you might be thinking that many people are not talking about openly, and I’d like us to be honest with each other.

Are you feeling sad or frustrated because you’re thinking about dating and wondering how long this is all going to last, and wondering if you’ll lose your momentum on the dating scene, and you don’t know how to broach this topic with people? Are you feeling bad because you think you shouldn’t be thinking about it? It’s perfectly natural to still be thinking about dating. Circumstances changed, you didn’t. You are still a woman who has a deep desire to create an enriched romantic relationship – a fulfilling relationship with a quality man.

You are not wrong, you are not selfish, you are not alone. You are in the prime of your life and you have the right to experience joy and love in a relationship that feeds you in multiple ways.

Click on http://lenaehrenberg.com/contact/ to schedule a free, 20-minute coaching session.

You Can Feel Better and Create the Relationship You Desire!

Are the feelings you are feeling right now serving you? Are they feelings that enable you to get out of bed in the morning and do something meaningful with your time and energy? Even if you’re not at work are you being productive at home? And yes, reading that stack of books you promised yourself you’d read someday counts as productive. Or are you spending a lot of time watching or reading the news or talking to people about the news, or scrolling through Facebook reading other people’s opinions about the news?

While it’s important to be well-informed, soaking in reams of news is not conducive to creating feelings that will serve you. News headlines are constructed to shock us into paying attention. It’s their job, and they do it quite well, don’t they? For 24 hours, 7 days a week.

If you’re taking in information that is intended to shock you you are probably having thoughts about it that are leading you to feel shocked. That’s right – it’s the thoughts you’re thinking about the news that are leading you to feel shocked – not the news itself.

Is there a way you can feel well-informed without bingeing on news for hours at a time? Can you choose one trusted news source and decide you’ll only check its main page once or maybe twice a day? If you trust it, you can probably trust that the information it’s providing is correct and updated properly – and this will leave you with much more time and energy to put toward making a dating plan for yourself.

Yes, Even Now, You Can Have a Fulfilling Relationship With a Quality Man!

If you’d like to learn how to feel better and create the enriched romantic relationship you desire, please click on http://lenaehrenberg.com/contact/ to schedule a free, 20-minute coaching session.

And while you’re there, grab your copy of Have Fun on Every Single Date!

Get it Here 

#20/20Vision

Think your way to a fulfilling relationship with a quality man!

Is it possible for a single woman over 50 to have a fulfilling relationship with a quality man? Yes. And the way you create it starts with your own thoughts. You can think your way to a fulfilling relationship with a quality man!

Last week I traveled for a business workshop that had been scheduled for many months. The week before some attendees asked if it was going to go forward, and shared their concerns about flying during this time of uncertainty. On my Facebook feed I saw friends voicing their own hesitations about traveling and what caught my attention is this: The concern for every one of them was that they might wind up being quarantined. Think about that – not one person I heard from personally was scared of becoming sick, all of them were scared of the possibility of being forced to stay home. And there are many, many more people around the globe voicing the same concern. Why? 

Is it possible that unconsciously we are scared to spend too much time “at home” in our own thoughts? Let’s start to look at yours and see how you can learn to embrace them.

 Start With Your Own Thoughts

 The truth is, every result you’ve created in your life up until now has started with your thought about it. Think about that – what you think is creating your results. Whether it’s things you want and don’t have, or things you seem to keep getting when you don’t want them at all, it starts with your thought about them.

 Actually, when it comes to dating your results might be starting with other women’s thoughts about it. You’ve probably heard other women say, “Dating is hard” or “there are no good men out there” or “men my age all want younger women.,” and what do you think when you hear those things?

 If you agree with them then their thoughts become yours, and your results will be very similar to theirs. And even if you don’t actively agree with them, you may start thinking about their statements, turning them over in your mind, wondering if it’s possible that they’re correct … and pretty soon your mind is filled with these thoughts, and you are feeling feelings that these thoughts create – feelings like doubt, fear and apprehension.

To be fair, you may be having thoughts that are all your own that are creating results you’d like to change. If you’ve ever wondered, “Is it possible for a single woman over 50 to have a fulfilling relationship with a quality man?,” this too is creating your current results.

Click on http://lenaehrenberg.com/contact/ to schedule a free, 20-minute coaching session.

You Can Think Your Way to a Fulfilling Relationship With a Quality Man!

We’ve all been taught that something happens, we have a feeling about it, we react and then we think a lot of thoughts about it afterwards. You may think it looks like this:

A man breaks a date, you feel angry, you promise yourself that in the future you’ll be more careful of who you trust. Then going forward you are very selective about who you decide to make a date with. As a result, you hardly go on any dates, and you don’t really enjoy yourself when you do because you keep expecting him to do something else that will make you angry. And you think it’s because a man broke a date with you.

 In actuality, there is a circumstance which is neutral, you have a thought about it, that thought creates a feeling and from that feeling you take actions which create your result. It really looks like this:

A man breaks a date. You have a thought about that, possibly, “Men always break dates with me.” You feel angry because of this thought. In your anger you decide to protect yourself in the future, so you really grill the men you meet, you question whether they will really do what they say they will, you expect them to break your dates and ultimately you agree to very few dates. 

The result is, you go on very few dates and you don’t really enjoy yourself when you do. It’s because you started with the thought, “Men always break dates with me.”

Yes, You Can Have a Fulfilling Relationship With a Quality Man!

This is the way you’ve created your current results and if you’d like to create different results, please click on http://lenaehrenberg.com/contact/ to schedule a free, 20-minute coaching session.

And while you’re there, grab your copy of Have Fun on Every Single Date!

Get it Here

Take 20 minutes to make 2020 different.

#20/20Vision

Thoughts About … Dating

Pssst, do you wanna know a secret? Come closer…

When you were younger, did you envision what it would be like when you were in love?

Did you imagine you’d always feel happy? Always feel satisfied? Always feel cherished? Did you envision always feeling loving toward the object of your affection?

Did you ever consider what you’d be thinking when you were in love? Because the secret to having the relationship you really want is all in your head.

Every relationship you have ever had and will ever have in the future is made up of your thoughts about that person.

How is this possible? Well, consider how many times you’ve been out with someone and you had an amazing time … and he didn’t call again.

And think about how many times you’ve been with someone for whom you felt no affection … and he thought you were the one!

These scenarios happen because you and your dates were thinking very different thoughts about each other. And if you want to create change in your relationship status you must begin with making change in your thoughts.

You’ve tried apps, chats and raising your vibration and none of it has made a difference.

None of the actions you took created the result you desire because it’s not about what you do so much as what and how you think about what you do.

Even the way you imagined you’d feel isn’t going to happen if you’re not consciously creating thoughts that will spur you to those feelings.

But I’ve thought these thoughts all my life, I can’t just change now, can I? Yes, you can. There is a way to change your thoughts and it will lead you to such happiness you will be glad you didn’t wait a minute longer!

You can have the love you’ve been seeking. Please make an appointment for your private, 20-minute coaching session so you can learn why you’ve had the experiences you’ve had up until now. That’s the first step in creating the new results you want.

I promise you that in only 20-minutes you will get answers to questions you’ve been asking yourself for a long, long time.

Are you really ready to create an enriched, romantic relationship? Do you want that one long-lasting love of your life?

If you’d like to apply this in your life and don’t know how, please go to http://lenaehrenberg.com/contact/ to schedule a free, 20-minute coaching session.

And while you’re there, grab your copy of Have Fun on Every Single Date!

Get it Here

Take 20 minutes to make 2020 different.

#20/20Vision

Dating With Emotion

A client asked if it’s okay to show emotion while on a date. She was really asking if it’s okay to cry.

It makes total sense that she’s questioning this, because of the way so many of us think about emotions in general, and sadness specifically. I’ve always wondered why, whether it’s an outpouring of sadness or feeling deeply touched, crying is the only public display of emotion for which we apologize.

When a man says something funny do you wonder if it’s okay to laugh? When he shares the news that someone close to him has passed away do you question whether it’s appropriate to offer condolences? It probably doesn’t even occur to you to wonder, does it? You just do what comes naturally.

When you use the word emotional do you really mean sad? Happiness is also an emotion and it’s expressed by laughter. And upon hearing tender news, compassion is an emotion often expressed by a sincere offer of sympathy.

There are people I think ought to apologize for showing emotion in public – the ones who can’t control their anger. The people who yell, fume, storm, stamp and intimidate are also ‘being emotional.’

I’d like to offer you, my dear dating friend, this idea – when you can view all emotions as valuable, when you can embrace all of your emotions as an integral part of you, magic will happen! Grow open to the idea that it is as valid to feel sadness as joy, that vulnerability does not equal weakness, and that at the appropriate time and place you may feel free to express whatever you are feeling.

And perhaps this is a good time to point out what I hope is obvious – share your emotions as part of creating genuine connections, not to try and make someone else feel or do something.

And if you consciously choose to share your feelings with the man sitting across the table, like with everything else you choose, make sure you like your reasons.

You can have the love you’ve been seeking. Please make an appointment for your private, 20-minute coaching session so you can learn why you’ve had the experiences you’ve had up until now. That’s the first step in creating the new results you want.

I promise you that in only 20-minutes you will get answers to questions you’ve been asking yourself for a long, long time.

Are you really ready to create an enriched, romantic relationship? Do you want that one long-lasting love of your life?

If you’d like to apply this in your life and don’t know how, please go to http://lenaehrenberg.com/contact/ to schedule a free, 20-minute coaching session.

And while you’re there, grab your copy of Have Fun on Every Single Date!  Get it Here

Take 20 minutes to make 2020 different.

#20/20Vision

Dating When!

When do you know you’ve found your right match?

Is it in a moment? In a heartbeat? In a flash of recognition? Do you just suddenly think, “He’s the one!” Or is it a gentle awareness that dawns on you until it grows from a flicker into an intense flame?

I used to think that I’d know in an instant and for many of my younger years if I didn’t have that immediate, gut-wrenching feeling I’d pass on the man – no matter what we had in common or how aligned our futures might have seemed.

The funny/not funny thing is, over all the many years of my growth and exploration I’ve learned that my most satisfying, fulfilling relationships have been with men for whom I allowed the flame to grow, men I would have passed on in my twenties. This is one of the many blessings and benies of being a woman who is smart and strong and over fifty. A woman who’s willing to feel all the feelings on the platter of life, not just the ones presented so prettily on Pinterest.

The truth is, that gut-wrenching twist isn’t so much a confirmation of positive partnership as it is the result of a fleeting thought that’s so deeply ingrained in you it doesn’t even register consciously. You think – ooh, he’s my type! And, before you can realize it, you feel it – boom!

You’ve taken all the actions and made all the choices you have up until now because of what you were taught. And those choices and actions led you to where you are now – are you in the relationship you desire? Do you believe you ever can be?

If you’d like to have a romantic partner who is a true partner, if you’d like to meet your right match, if you want your relationships going forward to be much different than they’ve been up ‘til now you can learn how to override what you’ve been taught and make different choices, take different actions – and create wildly more satisfying results!

You can have the love you’ve been seeking. Please make an appointment for your private, 20-minute coaching session so you can learn why you’ve had the experiences you’ve had up until now. That’s the first step in creating the new results you want.

I promise you that in only 20-minutes you will get answers to questions you’ve been asking yourself for a long, long time.

Are you really ready to create an enriched, romantic relationship? Do you want that one long-lasting love of your life?

If you’d like to apply this in your life and don’t know how, please go to http://lenaehrenberg.com/contact/ to schedule a free, 20-minute coaching session.

And while you’re there, grab your copy of 14 Steps to Having Fun Dating!

Take 20 minutes to make 2020 different.

#20/20Vision

Dating Want

I’m thinking about you. I see you. I hear you. I overhear your conversations with your friends in bars and restaurants when you think nobody else can hear you. I do.

You’re saying,

“I don’t want it to be so hard. I don’t want to date I just wish I could be in a relationship. I don’t want to get taken advantage of. I don’t want to give up my independence. I don’t want to have to deal with his ex-wife. I don’t want to have to change everything about my life to satisfy him. I don’t want to have to support him.”

One of the first things we’re told about achieving a goal is to know our ‘why.’ That’s the thing that’s supposed to sustain us throughout all the trials, the ups and downs, the doubts and fears on the way to achieving our heart’s desire. And I tried. When I started my business I really, really tried to identify my why and remind myself of it whenever I felt like giving up. But it wasn’t working for me.

Once someone asked me to think of something really important I had achieved, a goal I’d set and reached that had nothing to do with business. I instantly recalled how long it took between my deciding to become a foster mother and my holding a 3-week old baby girl. It took years. It took so many years that I think sometimes if it had been a business goal I would have given up. But not only did I not give up, it never even occurred to me. I just kept getting up every day and taking an action. Sure, some days it felt too hard, so I gave myself some respite over it, but then within a short time I was back at it, figuring out what I had to do next.

Looking back, I realize it never occurred to me that I was working towards a goal. I never once thought, “This is a goal I will achieve if I put all the right steps into place and do my daily affirmations.” I simply wanted to provide a baby with a safe, loving home, so I kept going until I did it.

It was about my want, not my why.

You want. You want love, companionship, strong arms to hold you, a strong chest to lean against. You want to be with a partner who loves you and cares for you and helps make your life better, fuller, richer in experiences. You want to have the love of your life.

You can have the relationship you want. It’s available to you. Love is not only for other women, for the ones you think are lucky or special or somehow blessed – you are blessed! And worthy! And deserving of everything you want in life!

You can have the love you’ve been seeking. Please make an appointment for your private, 20-minute coaching session so you can learn why you’ve had the experiences you’ve had up until now. That’s the first step in creating the new results you want.

I promise you that in only 20-minutes you will get answers to questions you’ve been asking yourself for a long, long time.

Are you really ready to create an enriched, romantic relationship? Do you want that one long-lasting love of your life?

If you’d like to apply this in your life and don’t know how, please go to http://lenaehrenberg.com/contact/ to schedule a free, 20-minute coaching session.

And while you’re there, grab your copy of 14 Steps to Having Fun Dating!

Take 20 minutes to make 2020 different.

#20/20Vision

Dating Now

What are you doing to create a committed romantic relationship?

How do you know if what you’re doing is working?

I thought I could tell, and it turns out, I was wrong. I just this minute realized I’ve been blind to myself and I wonder if you might be, too.

I was always a very good student. When I say good, I’m not just referring to my grades, I was really good at being a student. I was good at following all the many, many rules. I was good at sitting in my seat (most of the time) I was good at not talking when the teacher was talking (most of the time) I was really good at showing up, every day.

The school calendar was 10 months long, so I knew I was going to have to show up, with the exception of scheduled breaks, for 10 months in order to learn what I needed to learn to complete that grade. Only then I could move on to summer and then the next school year.

And I took this philosophy with me to every other class and workshop I’ve ever attended since. If a course was scheduled for 12 months I believed it would take me a year to be able to implement whatever I would learn there. When I get to the end, then I’ll be ready to start!

But I’d look around me and see people who were already achieving results. In a business course I saw people who were already building their businesses while I was studying the next scheduled move. In an acting workshop I saw people booking roles while I turned down an audition because it conflicted with a class session.

Have you heard that dating is hard? Do you think you have to be on all the apps before you can start dating? Do you believe you have to lose weight before you’ll be attractive to someone?  Are you waiting until your kids move out so that you can turn your undivided attention to finding a partner? Are you being such a good student of relationships that you’re not participating in one?

I know these all seem like perfectly reasonable reasons for you not engaging in a relationship right now – but they’re not. They are among the very sneaky ways that your brain tricks you into staying where you are. Your brain believes you are living a perfectly acceptable life and there’s no reason to change anything now.

Unless, of course, you want a life that’s waaaay better than acceptable!

You can’t change your results if you are not able to change your actions. And you’ve tried changing your actions, haven’t you? You got on an app and you weren’t getting mutual swipes. You tried to lose weight, and it just didn’t work out the way you’d hoped. And your kids are still pretty young – do you really want to wait until they’re all grown up before you get to experience life as a grown up yourself? Especially when your ex may have already moved on…

It’s not a lack of integrity or interest or motivation, you’re not too old to change or grow. You simply need to learn what is causing you to not take action. You simply need to learn to overrule your brain and take the actions that will enable you to start living, start dating, now. Right now.

You can start dating high quality men if you want to. It doesn’t have to take forever. It doesn’t have to be hard. You don’t have to be perfect you just have to be willing to ask for help. I am here to help you.

I want to offer you the chance of a lifetime! You can learn the reason that you are not doing all the things you want to do to create the relationship you want. And you can learn why the things you are doing aren’t working.

Here’s your chance to answer that sneaking suspicion you’ve had. Haven’t you always known that there’s something you don’t know? In only 20 minutes, and at no cost to you, you will learn what it is that has been keeping you from the love you desire – and I promise you, it’s not what you think it is.

Only by knowing what’s been causing the results you have now, you’ll know how to create the results you want tomorrow. Yes, it can be that quick! Invest 20 minutes in yourself today so you can have the life you want forever after.

Are you really ready to create an enriched, romantic relationship? Do you desire that one long-lasting love?

If you’d like to apply this in your life and don’t know how, please go to http://lenaehrenberg.com/contact/ to schedule a free, 20-minute coaching session.

And while you’re there, grab your copy of 14 Steps to Having Fun Dating!

Take 20 minutes to make 2020 different.

#20/20Vision