Relationships With People

Black Lives Matter

In 2013, after the man who killed Trayvon Martin was acquitted in one of the greatest travesties our very blind justice system has ever perpetrated, the Black Lives Matter movement began.

It didn’t take long for some white people, upon hearing that phrase, to respond, “All lives matter.” And it didn’t take long after that for many Black people to say that the response undercut their message. I wondered why. In order to create change don’t we need to understand that Black lives are equal to all others? And if we’re all equal we all matter. What’s the problem with saying so?

I asked that question of a friend who said, it’s the way white people make everything about themselves. Why can’t we just focus on Black Lives? Why can’t we talk about Black Lives exclusively without feeling the need to include others? Why can’t we put the spotlight on Black Lives the way we always do on white lives, white people? 

I had to admit, I don’t recall ever hearing someone invoke “all lives” when talking about white people, do you? There was my white privilege showing. It was embarrassing to admit it. And I’m grateful my friend said it to me.

And here we are, in the summer of 2020, talking about the tragic death of George Floyd; his life ended by a white police officer while three other officers stood by and did nothing to save him. (I just learned the news that his charges have been upgraded and the three others will now be charged as well.)

Relationships With People

Lives are of paramount importance. And yet, we don’t have relationships with lives, we have relationships with people.

Black people are women and men and girls and boys and adolescents and young adults. Black people are daughters and sons and mothers and fathers and sisters and brothers and cousins, aunts and uncles and grandparents of every socio-economic status, every religion, every career, every political affiliation, every other possible denominator you could apply to anyone. It’s those denominators, the factors that show individuality, and unique qualities that must be seen and acknowledged in order to understand

Black People Matter.

Relationship is Plan A

Are you 100% committed?

Have you ever heard that if you really want to succeed at something you can’t have a Plan B? I never thought that I did. There’s always been something I wanted to do, some goal I was working toward, and I would have sworn to you that I was 100% committed since I wasn’t trying to do two things at once. I wasn’t out trying to start two businesses in case one didn’t make it, or entering the Pillsbury Bake-Off while trying to interest one of their competitors in my recipe just to hedge my bet. (That was so much fun! And my neighbors loved being my taste-test audience.)

What I didn’t realize is that having a Plan B is pretty much unconscious – and it is the ruin of many an achievable goal. If you’re not getting the things you say you want what you’re getting is your Plan B, and you probably don’t even realize you have one.

How do I know if I’ve got a Plan B?

When you state an intention to achieve a goal, that is Plan A. In order for something to count as a true goal it must be measurable. “I will earn $100,000 In 12 months in my business” or “I’m going to lose 25 pounds” are measurable goals. “I want to create a successful business” and “I’m going to eat better” are not, because there’s no way to measure ‘successful” or “better.”

You probably think, like I did, that since you don’t have an obviously competing goal that you must be committed to doing what you said you would. But you may be totally unconscious of your Plan B. Here’s the way you find out if you’ve got one lurking in the shadows waiting to scuttle your dream.

Answer this question: When you get to that notation in your calendar that says, “do the thing you said you’d do in order to create the goal” do you do it?

And if you don’t, do you know why not?

If this resonates for you then click here to sign up for my 4 step system and Have Fun on Every Single Date!

What do I do about it?

Each of us has an inherent Plan B because it is what protects us from taking actions our brains think are dangerous. That’s why we’re not aware of it, don’t see it as the conflict of interest it is, the way we would with a blatant conflict. Plan B is seeking pleasure and avoiding pain – or what your brain thinks of as pain. If your plan A involves being in a romantic relationship, which involves meeting men and dating them, actions leading to Plan B could be as simple as taking a nap rather than returning a man’s phone message. Even though you like him your brain tells you you’re much too tired to be at your ‘best.’

The first step in changing any unwanted behavior is acknowledging that you’re doing it. In this case you’ll have to acknowledge it’s the thing you’re not doing that you want to change. The second step is understanding why. So when you catch yourself in the fast-food drive through rather than home eating the fresh vegetables you bought to help with your weight loss plan, or not engaging in interactions with men that will help move a relationship on to the next level, ask yourself why.

Want to make major changes and don’t know how to start? Click here to sign up for my 4 step system and Have Fun on Every Single Date!

How does this apply to me?

If you have set your sights on being half of an enriched romantic partnership before this year is out, if you have promised yourself that this is the last time you’ll spend New Year’s Eve, Valentine’s Day, your birthday, or any other day of the year all by yourself, then that’s a goal and it sounds very measurable to me.

There are a lot of articles and posts that scream about self-sabotage and make you feel like a criminal for being human (maybe that was just me) as if you purposely and knowingly keep spoiling your own plans. There’s something you ought to know; I can help you change this so you can get what you desire – a fulfilling relationship with a quality man!

It doesn’t have to be this way.

If you see yourself in this description know that it can be different. You can have the romantic relationship you desire. You can change the way you’ve interacted up until now, you can let others love you. You can have the romance, fulfillment and connection you crave.

And I am here to help.

Yes, especially now, you can meet your high quality man and have the enriched romantic relationship you desire!

If you’d like to create different outcomes you need to take different actions, and I can help. Click here to sign up for my 4 step system and Have Fun on Every Single Date!

#20/20Vision

Relationship and You: You Must Do This First

Am I the only one in the world who feels like I’ll never find love?

Let me put your mind at ease – I can promise you, you’re not. Truly, the thoughts you are having about love, romance, companionship, partnership, and your probability of ever finding it for yourself, are shared by many, many other women, both women and men as a matter of fact.

Even as I wrote that I realized that I can’t. Put your mind at ease, I mean. I can promise you that what I said is true, but whether or not you find ease is totally dependent on what you choose to think. And that’s the point of the work I’ve been bringing to you here.

It’s human nature to want to belong to a group, to want to be accepted. Science suggests that our brains are wired that way because back when we all lived in caves being left alone to fend for yourself meant almost certain death. And lots of us think that one way to remain accepted is to hide the parts of yourself you think are wrong. Consider that: many people think that in order to be accepted by others they must reject great parts of themselves. They’re trading self-acceptance for (possible) acceptance by others. 

First things first.

We humans are quite adept at not doing the things for ourselves that we need, and searching for others to do them for us. And if we do find someone to do them, they just don’t ever do them exactly, perfectly right, do they? Often we can’t find others to do them at all, because they are things that we must do for ourselves – at least at first.

We keep outsourcing our results, handing over the self-control we ought to have to friends and lovers and sometimes total strangers. We look to others to validate our choices, assure us of our worthiness, fill in the gaps in our own thought processes. If you don’t believe you’ve ever done this yourself, think back to high school and ask if you ever once cared more about your opinion of yourself than what that cute boy from your AP English class thought of you.

If this resonates for you then click here to sign up for my 4 step system and Have Fun on Every Single Date!

Love yourself first. Yes, really.

I know, I know, you’re tired of hearing, “You have to love yourself before you can find someone to love you.” It’s trite, it’s corny, it’s … TRUE! And here’s why.

You need buy-in for you to believe what others feel about you. And you can’t get it from anyone else other than you. Have you ever had someone tell you that they absolutely love the very thing (or one of the things) that you dislike about yourself? What happens?

You don’t believe them. There’s something in us that doesn’t believe it when people have an opposing viewpoint to our own. So what does it mean when someone tells you he loves you when you don’t believe that you are lovable? What happens when someone says he loves you when you don’t love you? 

You don’t believe him. If you don’t love yourself you can’t believe that others can truly love you, even though you want others to love you. Desperately. As a matter of fact, you’ve spent all your energy and focus searching for someone to love you so that you don’t have to and when you find someone who says he does, who says all the things you’ve been dying to hear, you can’t let him.

Want to make major changes and don’t know how to start? Click here to sign up for my 4 step system and Have Fun on Every Single Date!

I don’t believe you.

I know. I know you think I’m making something up or being dramatic just to make a point, but think about this – how many times has someone given you a compliment and rather than saying thank you and basking in the glow, you’ve said, “You don’t really mean that.”

How many times has a man told you the very thing you’d been waiting to hear, the very thing you always said would prove to you that someone loved you, and you wondered why in the world he would say that? 

The reason that you have to love yourself first is because, until you do, as much as you want it, you can’t allow someone else to love you either. 

Until you learn to love yourself nothing anyone else ever says or does can possibly be enough. You are constantly challenging him to prove to you that he really loves you and he never can. When he says he loves you, you wonder why. When he does nice things for you, you wonder why. You may think he’s lying, that  he’s trying to manipulate you, that he’s covering up for having done something wrong; the one thing that’s true is that you will not accept it. You will never believe it because you just can’t and you will create contention in your relationship and blame him for simply not loving you enough, or in the right way.

You will wind up pushing away the one thing you want more than anything in the world, and it will happen over and over again.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

If you see yourself in this description know that it can be different. You can have the romantic relationship you desire. You can change the way you’ve interacted up until now, you can let others love you. You can have romance, fulfillment and connection you crave.

And I am here to help.

Yes, especially now, you can meet your high quality man and have the enriched romantic relationship you desire!

If you’d like to create different outcomes you need to take different actions, and I can help. Click here to sign up for my 4 step system and Have Fun on Every Single Date!

#20/20Vision

A Relationship That’s Better Than Normal

Is my life ever going to go back to normal?

Maybe you’d like it to be better than normal this next time around. Normal was kind of boring sometimes. That life you used to live didn’t always feel good.  You spent way too much time home alone on Saturday nights, and when you did go out it seems like the men were so … not for you. 

Okay, so you’ve been spending these last few weeks at home alone on Saturday nights too, but hasn’t everybody? Everyone’s having the same experience right now, aren’t they? Everyone is watching Netflix and baking bread and video chatting with their grandchildren, right? They’re just waiting to get the all clear. What else is there to do?

Perhaps this is a great opportunity to create a life that will always be the way the old one wasn’t. You can have adventures and connection and romance and … fun! You can flirt and be flirted with, be cherished, adored, have the life you’ve always wanted.

Is it possible to really plan that? Yes. It is possible to plan and prepare for the life you want, rather than continuing to settle for the one you got – as a matter of fact, you have to. There are so many things you can start to do now so that when you are ready to meet a man in person you will feel more confident than you ever have before. There are things for you to learn – about men, about romance and about yourself. 

Sound good to you? If you want to make some changes but don’t know how click here and let’s talk!

We were so innocent then.

Remember how we used to call it online dating when all we were really doing was online meeting, and then dating in person? Seems so funny when we think of it now, because now we really are dating online! The technology is called video conferencing and it’s the way people are meeting and getting to know each other.

And in order to get to know men via video, you’re going to want to get to know a few other things first, like how to dress, how to do your makeup, how to position the camera so you look like your very best, most beautiful self!

But before you even get to those things, here’s something much more basic – who are you looking for? What kind of man is the very best match for you? Perhaps rather than thinking there’s nothing to do while you’re at home you can start to see this as the chance you’ve been waiting for – you can start a crash course in you! 

Lesson one in your course involves learning about yourself – your likes, your dislikes, your values, your lifestyle – be as you-focused as you possibly can – what a luxury! 

After you’ve made some decisions about yourself it’s time to think about him.

If you’d like to implement some of these ideas but don’t know how click here and let’s have a 20-minute conversation.

Everything will fall into place.

Have you ever done it this way before? Have you ever started the process of dating by thinking about yourself? If you said yes, that’s amazing! Give yourself a pat on the back, because most people, like 95%, just throw themselves out into the world and wait for someone to tell them who they are. They allow others to identify what they like and don’t like about them and they think it means something about themselves. (BTW, someone else’s opinion of you means nothing about you and everything about them.)

When you’ve laid this solid a foundation and gotten to know yourself really thoroughly, your experience of dating will be totally different than it ever has been before. You know how sometimes you wonder where all the nice, high-quality men are? They’ve been right in front of you all along! You’ll not only see them, you’ll hear them say things you’ve never heard men say before – about you – words that make you feel loved and desired. Yes, you.

Yes, you can have a fulfilling relationship with a quality man.

The thing is, though, that you can’t just wait until the day you get to leave your house and throw yourself out into the world and expect it to be magically different. You have work to do, and I think you know that. How do I know? Because up until now you haven’t been as happy as you’d like to be. You have good friends and family who love you, you have friends and family you love, but you haven’t ever made the kind of thrilling, romantic, fulfilling connection you crave. And you also haven’t had much fun on dates. 

You can have thrills, romance, fulfillment and connection. You can have fun on every single date!

And I am here to help.

Yes, especially now, you can meet your high quality man and have the enriched romantic relationship you desire!

If you’d like help applying these life-changing ideas in your own life click here and let’s talk!  https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/

And while you’re there, grab your copy of Have Fun on Every Single Date!

Get it Here

#20/20Vision

 

When it Comes to Quality Relationships, Feel it First

How do you think you’ll feel then?

Then, when? When you’re married. When you’re divorced. When you’ve lost the weight. When you’ve gained the muscle. When your kids leave home. When your kids move back in. When you’re sitting on top of your own business empire… whatever it is that you desire, you desire it for a reason. 

The reason you want to have something, or to do something, or to be with someone, it’s because you think you’ll feel good then. You think you’ll feel happy, in control, worthy, perhaps you even believe that when you have the thing you’ll feel … like everybody else.

What if you don’t?

We’ve all been taught that we ought to set goals and achieve them not only because it gives us something to strive toward as a way to grow; also because we will feel so great when we have the thing! But, what if that’s not really so? What if we can feel the way we want to feel with the thing or not?

Have you ever met someone who has, seemingly, all the things anyone could ever want and isn’t happy? 

Have you ever met someone who has very little and is filled with joy?

How is that possible? How is it possible that someone who might have a lot of money, a thriving business, a loving spouse and family isn’t happy? Aren’t you absolutely convinced that if you had any one of those things, let alone all of them, you’d be ecstatic?

How is it possible that someone who has very little, even less than you, can feel such joy? Because you’ve got some things but not the right things, and you’re not very happy.

It’s all available to you now!

Right now, at this very moment, do you feel happy? Do you feel good? Would you say you actually feel bad? The emotions you want to feel – joy, love, completeness, safe, certain, energized, light, just plain happy – are amazing! What are you waiting for? Wouldn’t you rather feel all of those things now? I know I would!

No matter what your circumstance is, the way you feel is coming directly from the way you think. We know that’s true because you’ve met people like the ones above who feel emotions that are counterintuitive to what you believe to be true.

What do I do now?

I hate to be the one to break it to you, but…

You’ve been taught it all backwards. Having the thing won’t bring you the feeling, you must first feel the feelings to power your actions to achieve your goal. Please don’t feel bad about this, though, because the people who taught you didn’t know any better, that’s what they were taught themselves.

You can change the way you feel right now, you don’t have to wait for some special day in the future … a day that might never come. And I am here to help.

What if you never achieve your goal? Does that mean you never get to feel those amazing emotions?

If you’d like help applying these life-changing ideas in your own life  click here and let’s talk!

Yes, you can have a fulfilling relationship with a quality man.

If you want to be in a relationship so that you can feel fulfilled, if you want to be with a quality man because that will make you feel high quality, if you want anything to do with a relationship and they haven’t been working out for you, please consider this – not only are you able to have all the emotions now, you have to have them all now. You have to go out in the world feeling the way you want to feel in order to match with the man who is looking for you!

And I can help.

Yes, especially now, you can have the enriched romantic relationship you desire!

If you’d like help applying these life-changing ideas in your own life click here and let’s talk!  https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/

And while you’re there, grab your copy of Have Fun on Every Single Date!

Get it Here

#20/20Vision

Don’t Lie to Yourself About Love

Don’t lie to yourself. 

That’s what my coach said to me. We were talking about a goal that is very important to me, and she asked why I wanted to achieve it and I told her two of my many reasons. 

One of the options was for me to think, “Ouch, that was harsh,” which I did for a second. And I felt wounded. And feeling wounded I started to wonder, does she think I’m lying about my reasons or are my reasons not good enough? Then I started to spin into questioning if they are good enough and if I hadn’t caught myself I could have drilled myself right down into feeling unworthy from thinking, I’m not good enough. If I tried to take the necessary actions toward my goal while feeling unworthy that would have been the end of it.

Do you see how that works? 

Have you ever realized that you’ve said or done something you wish you hadn’t, or not said or done something you wish you had? Was it a reaction to something someone else said or did, like the way I reacted to my coach telling me to not lie to myself? Yes, well, here’s the thing about that…

I didn’t feel wounded because of what she said, I felt wounded because I thought, “Ouch, that was harsh.” I’ll say that again – contrary to what you’ve been taught since you were little, someone else’s actions don’t ever cause your feelings. The only thing that ever causes your feelings is your thoughts.

So if I had told her my reasons for wanting to achieve this goal and she’d said, don’t lie to yourself, and I’d thought, I don’t ever lie to myself, who are you talking to, obviously you don’t know me, this would have been a very different blog post. But it’s about me almost winding up in a spiral of self-doubt and blowing a golden opportunity.

I can so totally relate to that.

So, at those times when you realized you said or did, or didn’t say or do, the thing you wish you had or hadn’t, what did you do? Did you beat yourself up, or bemoan your penchant for self-sabotage? (did you read last week’s blog post?) Read it here  

Before you step onto the yellow brick road toward self-condemnation, please pause and repeat after me, “Oh, look at me being a beautiful human!” Because honestly, that’s what you’ve been doing, and you’ve been doing a darn good job of it! So here’s the secret, here’s the opportunity you’ve always wanted. Here’s the fork in the road. You were taught something backwards, that things or people are responsible for your feelings, so your outcomes have been backwards too. Now that you know that only your thoughts are responsible for your feelings you get to right your emotional ship. You now get to take full responsibility for all of your outcomes in your relationships! 

Not feeling as excited as you might have thought you would? It’s scary to realize that you actually have control over something you’ve always been taught is out of your control. It’s a big responsibility to have autonomy. And it’s so worth it! And you can do it!

What do I do now?

Even though the outcomes you’ve been repeating all your life haven’t been what you wanted, after all this time they are familiar. And there’s comfort in familiarity. And a whole lot of discomfort in change. So, what can you do to ensure that you don’t just lull yourself into a false sense of comfort glued to the sofa with a bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos and the TV remote? Especially during this period of time when you’re being begged to stay home? You talk to someone who can help guide you away from the outcome you keep repeating and toward the outcome you really, really want.

Yes, it really can be simple. Not easy, simple. But I bet in order to finally meet that high quality man, to create that enriched romantic relationship, you’re willing to put your energy and focus into things that are not easy, aren’t you?

If you’d like help applying these life-changing ideas in your own life  click here and let’s talk!

You’re an expert in you.

Each of us has something that we are particularly gifted at. What none of us is at all good at, without a lot of practice, is seeing inside our own thoughts. It takes a lot of conscious awareness, it takes training, it takes someone showing us a process to do it, and do it consistently, in order for us to eventually become the Watchers of our own thoughts. 

You are an expert in you and nobody can tell you what choices to make. Once you meld your expertise with more self-awareness, foresight and start to view the world and all the men in it through your own personalized lens of love, your relationship outcomes will soar and you’ll experience life like a hot-air balloon ride – up above the clouds, beautiful, amazing!

Yes, you can have a fulfilling relationship with a quality man.

Yes, you can enjoy the intimacy, tenderness, companionship, desire and love that you’ve dreamt of but don’t quite believe will happen to you. Well, that’s because it won’t happen to you, it will happen because of you, along with me. Because you are an expert in you and I am an expert in a technique that is not like anything else you’ve read about, heard about or experienced. You are going to learn how to create your desired relationship results without tricks or rules or endless texting.

Yes, especially now, you can have the enriched romantic relationship you desire!

If you’d like help applying these life-changing ideas in your own life click here and let’s talk!  https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/

 And while you’re there, grab your copy of Have Fun on Every Single Date!

Get it Here

#20/20Vision

For a Quality Relationship Send Quality Messages

Are you sending mixed messages? 

That’s the question I’ve asked myself on numerous occasions. It usually comes up when I didn’t create the outcome I’d hoped for and I’m trying to figure out how to change it going forward. Each time the answer was yes. My actions weren’t leading to my hoped-for effect, something in the process was not going according to plan, and it was always a shock when I finally saw that the problem was … me. 

You really want to create different outcomes in your life and you keep circling back around and meeting yourself exactly where you started.  One thing you may want to change is to have more fun dating, so you can ultimately create the enriched romantic relationship you desire! If that’s not happening for you and one reason is you’re sending mixed messages, let me help you catch yourself in the act so you can do something much more productive. 

Mixed messages are a form of self-sabotage, and if you’ve ever realized after the fact that you did that to yourself it could be because you’ve got competing desires. And chances are you’re not even aware that you do. You may be very conscious of wanting something very much. You may not be at all conscious of not wanting the very same thing. Wanting a fulfilling, enriched romantic relationship with a quality man, and believing that dating is hard or there are no good men out there or that you’ll be forced to give up everything that’s good in your life right now in order to have it, is one way that you send mixed messages – to yourself.

How can I want something and also not want it?

You want a relationship because of how you’ll feel when you’re in it. You’ll feel amazing, loved, desired, cherished, adored. You just know that all of that will come from your man! But let’s think about other things that you also want. You want to feel comfortable, you want to feel safe, you may even want to always feel right about the choices you’ve made up until now. 

Starting something new is fraught with unknowns, and unknowns feel really uncomfortable. And unknowns don’t feel very safe. And if you make different choices now to have a different life going forward does that mean the choices you’ve made up until now were … wrong? How can you feel right about something that was wrong?

Once you’re aware of the ways you send mixed messages to yourself you may be able to see more clearly how you are doing it with others. I once met a man online who I was really excited about. We went out a couple of times and I couldn’t wait to see him again. We made a date to speak on the phone one evening and I looked forward to it all day! And then I fell asleep and awoke to realize I missed his call. Then I called him and he didn’t answer. It took a couple of days for us to catch up with each other. 

I’ve done it other times with not checking my messages and realizing someone had called me a long while before and I hadn’t called back. And these were with men I saw potential in!

You have the ability to learn new things now.

The term self-sabotage sounds so intentional, doesn’t it? It’s one of the things you might use against yourself to beat up on yourself, part of the way you collect evidence about why you shouldn’t be in a relationship – but please know that’s all part of the same mixed message. Your brain is just trying to look for any way possible to keep you safe, and like we saw above, doing new things doesn’t feel safe. Even when it’s a new thing you really, really want.

So, you’re not crazy, you’re not wrong, it’s perfectly okay that it’s been happening. And now you can change it!

If you’d like help applying these life-changing ideas in your own life click here and let’s talk!  https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/

You have to focus on the thing that you really, really want.

You feel like you’ve done everything, right? You’ve tried online dating, getting set up by friends, going to MeetUps and church or temple events, yet you always wind up in the same place – alone on your sofa every Saturday night. Well, right now we’re all alone on our sofas on Saturday night, but now that you are aware of one of the reasons you’ve been getting the same outcomes even though you’ve done so many different things,  you can start to take steps to change all of it. And now is the perfect time!

It never occurred to me that even though I really wanted to be in a relationship because of all the yummy goodness, there might also be some uncomfortable feelings. The voice in my head who always wants me to be safe makes that mean I shouldn’t do that. So I was unconsciously focusing on that, and taking actions to protect myself rather than the actions that would take me closer to my actual desire.

Now I know to put my focus on what I want, and let that voice in my head scream as loud as she wants… and you can, too! 

Yes, you can.

You can take this gift of time and create the ultimate joy for yourself! You think you’ve tried it all, but what if you really haven’t? You can learn unique techniques that are personalized for you- you can have fun on every single date!

Yes, especially now, you can have the fulfilling relationship you desire!

If you’d like help applying these life-changing ideas in your own life click here and let’s talk!  https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/

And while you’re there, grab your copy of Have Fun on Every Single Date!

Get it Here

#20/20Vision

Quality Dating Questions

What’s your sign? 

Remember that? Was it just an urban legend, or did men really used to walk up to women in bars and ask them what their astrological sign was? 

What it means is, what’s your label? Tell me one thing about you that I can latch onto and define you by it. Hey, you can’t do that, Geminis don’t do that. Really, you want to do that? I didn’t think Geminis do that, do they? You probably can’t really do that, you should reconsider your desire.

How do you label yourself? What have you decided about yourself? That you are a woman who always, or never, or sometimes … what? 

Maybe you’re not conscious of your label, so tell me how you talk to yourself. When you’re having a conversation in your head – and we all have them – what words do you say? Do you start out like you’re talking to your best friend or child, “Hi honey, how was your day?” or do your convos go more along the lines of, “I’m not good at that” or “I’ll never figure this out” or “I always choose the wrong man.”

How do you want to talk to yourself?

These words that you repeat to yourself over and over reinforce the label you have. When you keep telling yourself you’re not good at something and you’ll never figure it out you’re labeling yourself as someone who’s not good at that. And not only are you not currently good at it, you’ll never be good at it – You’re limiting yourself.

And right now your life is very different, your usual activities are upended, you’ve got so much more time to be talking to yourself. You’ve got to catch yourself! You’ve got to listen carefully and notice when you’re telling yourself a story that labels and limits you.

I changed my talk by changing my thought first.

When I had a girl cat I used to call her sweet girl. That wasn’t her name, that’s how I spoke to her. When I was a foster mother to a baby girl I called her sweet girl. That wasn’t her name, that’s how I talked to her.

My turning point came one day when I caught myself saying something really mean to myself and the voice in my head screamed, “Why don’t you ever call yourself sweet girl?”

I wasn’t expressing as much love to myself as I did to everyone else in my home. 

And from that moment forward I have. 

If you’d like help applying these life-changing ideas in your own life click here and let’s talk!  https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/

Let’s talk thoughts.

I didn’t simply say different words to myself and hope that would make a difference in how I felt. I changed the thought that was at the root of my negative labeling. The thought that changed not only my talk, it also changed my life, “I am a worthy person and I deserved to show myself love and compassion.”

I am so much more kind to myself, I am so much more gentle with myself, I am so much more committed to my self-worth and self-care than I used to be. I’ve created the fulfilling relationship that I’ve always wanted. And since I’ve done it for myself I’ve become much more able to create it with others.

Yes, you can.

You are worthy of love, compassion and a sense of personal fulfillment. You deserve to be in love with anyone you want, and it will be so much more fun when you start with yourself!

Yes, even now, you can have the fulfilling relationship you desire!

If you’d like help applying these life-changing ideas in your own life click here and let’s talk!  https://lenaecoachsession.as.me/

And while you’re there, grab your copy of Have Fun on Every Single Date! 

#20/20Vision